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Just Found Out
User Topic: Psychiarist Appointment
Camalus
Member
Member # 40199
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

I had my first appointment with a psychiatrist today. They spent most of the morning doing a complete physical workup to rule out any underlying medical conditions, had me take a Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Test, then the shrink came in and told me I have a lot of ‘stressors’ in my life (Y’ Think! sarcasm intended). He also explained the sudden weight loss, anxiety attacks, and trouble sleeping are a result of the stress-induced anxiety. (Wow—like I couldn’t figure that out all on my own)
He did prescribe an antidepressant and something for anxiety. I go back to see him again on Monday and will be seeing him weekly while the medication kicks in. He said his experience with infidelity has been that I would likely never get the whole story of my wife’s infidelity nor ever again look at our marriage in the same way.

Because it will be some time before I can confront my wife, he also wants me to see a psychologist that specializes in infidelity with the emphasis on the betrayed spouse. He claims the one he has in mind will help me be able to better manage confronting my wife about her betrayal, instruct me in how to phrase questions without being confrontational and putting her on the defensive as well as give me some coping skills to handle the answers I get.

Does this sound reasonable?

I have some reservations because the psychologist he is recommending is a woman. It is hard to discuss this with anyone and I’m not feeling particularly trusting of the female of the species right now.

On the other hand, who better than a woman to teach a man how to have this discussion with a woman?

Me–BS age 60
Her -- WS age 58
Married for 33 years
One child, 30yrs old
Status –sick at heart


Me–BS age 61
Her -- WS age 59
Married for 34 years
One child, 30yrs

Her 'A' 1994(?) through 1998
D-Day 7/4/2013 Yes, I didn't find out for almost 15 years... but the pain is just as bad as if she were with him last week.


Posts: 113 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Near Houston Texas
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

Not all women cheat..I don't..and haven't.

I think it sounds more than reasonable. I think it sounds like the best thing for you.

Give her a chance..and if you don't think it's a good match,find someone else.

(((tirednconfused)))


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7257 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Healing2012
Member
Member # 35238
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

First, it sounds like you're taking all the right steps. Antidepressants, therapy...it can all be a bit intimidating at first, but in my experience they have helped me tremendously.

My IC is a female, but our MC was male (well, he still is a male, but he's not our MC any longer!). I was hesitant at first. I thought it would be really awkward to tell another man about my situation. Turns out, he was pretty awesome.

I'd say, give it a try. If you're not comfortable, you can always find someone else.


BS: Me (40)
WS: Husband (46)
Married 8 years
Two children 5 & 17 (my stepson)
D-day #1: 12/18/11
D-day #2: 8/26/12 (still in contact w/ OW)
Status: Separated - not R, not D.

Posts: 355 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Midwest
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

I think it sounds reasonable and worth trying, tired. How does it sound to YOU?


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24764 | Registered: Aug 2011
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

I am happy that you went, and got what you need. Did they help you find some help so that you can have some me time?

I really like the idea of seeing a counselor that has expertise in dealing with infidelity, esp from your viewpoint. I really don't think it matters if it's a man or woman. Just that they have a good understanding of what you are going through, and help you navigate the waters.

((((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8089 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Camalus
Member
Member # 40199
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

confused615: I did not mean to imply all women cheat and definitely do not want to offend anyone. I am having trouble telling anyone (male or female) about my WW’s affair. I feel like anyone I tell is judging me in some way or another. In fact, it wasn’t until I started throwing up that I became desperate enough to even post on this site. This site is about the only place I feel safe discussing this because everyone here has been through the same emotions.

tushnurse: Yes, his office did assist in making arrangements for home health care and seemed surprised her doctors did not do this already. My insurance company has agreed to pay for three eight-hour shifts a week or five four-hour shifts, which ever I want. My wife is having trouble with the idea I am having a stranger come in to assist with her care but I told her I was going to have a breakdown if we didn’t get some assistance.

Me–BS age 60
Her -- WS age 58
Married for 33 years
One child, 30yrs old –currently overseas
Status –sick at heart


Me–BS age 61
Her -- WS age 59
Married for 34 years
One child, 30yrs

Her 'A' 1994(?) through 1998
D-Day 7/4/2013 Yes, I didn't find out for almost 15 years... but the pain is just as bad as if she were with him last week.


Posts: 113 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Near Houston Texas
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

That is fantastic news!!!
I'm surprised her Dr's didn't help as well. Sometimes the obvious stuff gets overlooked in teaching hospitals.
Let the agency know that your wife has some reservations, they can send out the same person as much as possible, and that will help. You can tell her that the people that are coming are trained in helping people too, and will be able to help her much more effectively than you can since you aren't a nurse/medical professional by training.

You have to feel some relief at this point. Also you should not feel embarassed or ashamed discussing what has happened. It is much more prevelant than you ever thought, and if you choose to share with a select friend or two you will probably recieve much more warmth and understanding than you expected.
I know when I shared it with a few people I was amazed at their support, and understanding, in addition to their admiration for attempting to R.

((((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8089 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 7