User Topic: Do you think they obsess over us the way we do about them?
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

I'm speaking of the OW/OM.

I spend a lot of my day thinking about how much I hate her. thinking about how she knew we had 6 kids. just everything about her.

Do you think they think about us at all?

I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

Nope I truly believe all they think of is them. It is all about them..

JMO.. I know my girlfriend when she did this with her past marriage. I asked her isn't he married. Oh that marriage is over he just sleeps on the couch
I am serious she had no thought or care about those kids or the wifey. None..

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

Yes, probably more so.

OW apparently obsessed over me and WHs refusal to cut me out of his life totally. She felt even though we have been married 17 years and have a daughter that zero contact with me was reasonable and expected. It is why she wrote up "boundary" rules for him on paper and gave it to him.

I'm at the point where I can totally envision NC with my husband forever! But he told me OW had a huge issue with him and me.

She wanted me out of the picture.

Trust me, OW/OM definitely think about the BS quite a lot. They may not consider our feelings when sleeping with our WS, but they do obsess.

[This message edited by Spelljean at 6:21 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

Oh and the OW (my friend) and the WS got married and now they are divorced also she forced him into bankruptcy.

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

Not a chance in hell. Her AP was just a player looking to add notches to his belt, he could of cared less about her, her family, or anything other than using her. If he only got to use her once, he'd of been ecstatic and moved on.

Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4024 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

I know she was pissed at me on my birthday because I told him I didn't want him talking to her. At the time I was told they were just good friends.

Yeah that pissed me off. Like dude it's his wife's birthday why would he talk to you? That's when a red flag went up. Supposedly the sex was done and over by then but they kept up a fake friendship to hid the affair.

Like I wonder does she creep on my FB/pinterst/twitter?

I don't on hers because it's private but I do on her boyfriends. He's open like a book.

I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

When I read over on the OW section (on another relationship forum I am on) they certainly do, especially post DDay.

Oh also wanted to add that I recently had the pleasure of being contacted by MOW a couple of months ago to be told by her that all I do is obsess about her all day long. I immediately thought to myself, well no I actually don't. I honestly think she was projecting onto me funny OW

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 6:28 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Member # 39636
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

I am sure they do think about us. But HOW they think about us and how much would depend on the A situation.

My WH and OW started out as "friends" that turned into more. He knew he didn't want to be with HER-just liked the way she made him feel. I saw emails that talked about how they loved each other, and made "plans" for her to move here to be with him. The sad thing is, I think she actually believed him. For him it was all fantasy bullshit but for her (at least in part) I think she thought she found the man of her dreams. She wanted him to meet her friends and family. She got a plane ticket from her parents as an xmas gift so she could come visit him. (WTF?) She hinted to him about getting married. REALLY?? He already was married! And she knew it-so that's where my sympathy turns to venom.

Poor pathetic OW. Sometimes I (almost) feel sorry for her (then I remember I hate her and she should die a firey death.) I am sure she thinks of me, him and the A. Wondering what is going on now with me and H. Wondering if what she thought about me and our M was the truth or lies. If she was lied to and "used" If maybe, if things don't work out she has a chance with him still.

I am sure she has lots of thoughts and was hurt by this too. The BS in me hopes that she wallows in her pain, I think she deserves it. May she choke on it and may she choke on our R.

Me: BW 42
Him: WH 47
Married 9 years-together 18
Dday: 6/17/2013 EA/PA(EA 1yr/PA 6mos-OW out of state)
status: Starting R 7/22/13

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

The BS in me hopes that she wallows in her pain, I think she deserves it. May she choke on it and may she choke on our R.

Can I just raise a toast to this!!!

I know my WH's MOW wonders because she told me WH is just staying with me because he's afraid I will commit suicide if he okay I'm perfectly fine now and I have already tried to kick him out a zillion times and he just won't budge...silly OW

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

I know his lta did. She would ask about me, ask when we had last had sex, etc. I'm sure they do to some degree.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

If the AP has remorse, yes every day.... Every day she think about how she broke the girl code, can't look at herself in the mirror because she's so ashamed, especially if she's a mother, she knows there were times the BS couldn't parent as well as she needed to because the BS found out what her husband was up to And about died. The remorseful AP realizes she stole from another woman: time, memories, intimacy that was not rightfully hers, and it makes her sick!!!
The remorseful AP is so sorry.
She thinks about how she could make it up to this woman. But there is nothing she can do but stay away...

[This message edited by rachelc at 7:39 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5322 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 19197
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

Absolutely, but only because I have what she wants. I am an obstacle that thwarted her.

Me: BS
Him: FWH
Married 30 yrs. w/ 2 grown kids
Dday 1: Very early 2007
Dday 2: Mid 2008 (same MOW, 14 month false R)
The affair was the aberration, not the marriage or the man.

Posts: 817 | Registered: Apr 2008
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

In the beginning, I obsessed. I won't lie and say there aren't still thoughts, but I've moved on for the most part. In fact, if they cross my mind now it feels like it happened to someone else and this person I heard about once just went through my mind. I don't feel any emotion about it anymore.

I don't know if they think about me. I don't really care, either. I just don't have enough energy left over after I deal with all the things I do care about to worry about them. They were just little blips that made some unpleasant changes in my life like a car accident or an illness would. And I don't spend a lot of time thinking about old car accidents and illnesses either. I solved the problems and moved on and made my life better than it was before the unfortunate events. I'm not about to let someone else's carelessness affect the rest of my life in a detrimental way. If the OWs have any intelligence at all, they are doing the same. And if they don't, they're not and that's their problem, not mine.

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson

Posts: 4156 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

Obsess, no. Two of them I can almost guarantee never think about me or my H (one didn't know I existed). One might some, but only because I didn't leave when she outed him and so I have what she wanted. The other two live in the same town as me. We have mutual friends. I'm sure there are times when I'm involved in a story they're hearing or when they see/hear my name, but neither of them has a remorseful bone in their bodies. Never have.

Posts: 1114 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

In my sitch.. oh hell yes! When WH & I decided to R, I demanded to see his phone instantly (before he had a chance to delete anything) & I'm not kidding 80-90% of her texts were about me..

Early in the A she even called me to buy some products I used to sell from me & offered to meet me for coffee.. She chickened out as I was fired up to meet with her & give her a 'what for'

"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4787 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

I have often wondered about this but have no idea,since I have never met her.
WH told me that when he told her that I knew about the A, she started to cry. But I don't know why she was crying.
She didn't give up on pursuing WH immediately, but it seems as tho she has now.

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1400 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, August 8th (Thursday)

I rarely give her a thought, so I don't assume she thinks about me.

That said, if you google my name my professional webpage comes up. I noticed over the last few months that my visit numbers sky rocketed for no reason (before DDay). I have some photos up there. So who knows.

BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 12:39 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Who knows? Why care? But I think I am the obstacle that thwarted her plan for instant family and new partner. Take two broken people, add a few divorces and a remarriage and *poof* instant family. Sorry marriedOW or soontobedivorcedformerOW-whichever is true- not your turn to step mom my kids.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, August 9th (Friday)

I am in the same boat as Lost on this one.

The OW in my situation has even flown up to CDN to reclaim what was her "rightful best friend in the whole wide world". I have had the pleasure of texting with her about her feelings for my husband.....

Unfortunately we have had to file 2 different restraining orders on her because my MC and doctor both believe she will harm me if given the chance because I stand in her way. She is delusional and narcissistic and lord help her if she ever comes back to my house again!!!


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Member # 37255
Default  Posted: 3:43 AM, August 9th (Friday)

I wonder this daily I think bout her daily , she hated me threated to beat my ass , I want to know what she was thinking during the A
Did she care she was hurting my kids , how could u hurt another woman like that did she care he gave up time with his kids to sneak off to see her or that he left his daughters 13th birthday party early to go to a Bon fire with her (at this point he was living with her) or that because while he lived with her and controlled his paycheck I had to go on good stamps to provide food I would love to hear her answers I was told her mother during the A yes she lived with her mom and dad and three kids and they all knew he was married and let him move in .........any her mom stalked my fb page threw my DD 'S fb page really ....

3 awesome kids

Posts: 179 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: My own nightmare
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:55 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Well the name BTW...I will admit to lurking on a site for ow. Right after DD and before I found SI, I went on one to see how the ow tick. I'd have to say, it didn't seem like they did. You know how we
get destroyed with sudden insecurities about ourselves? Well they think they are #1 and these poor guys have to go home at night to be with their bitchy wives and whining kids, while they dream about them. The ones who had been dumped, oh yes they obsessed. I'm afraid some of our ws paint a pretty ugly picture of us.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5171 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 37797
Default  Posted: 4:47 AM, August 9th (Friday)

I put some fake details on my old FB page trying to limit contacts (didn't work) but OW got my fake birthday there and every year has a local business put birthday wishes up on their sign for me. Still makes references to me/WH on her FB. Still thinks I'm the only reason he didn't stay with her, and can't get past the fact that she lost a man.

Me: BW 50's
Him: WH 60ish
Married all my adult life
LTA, in limbo re: R

Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Eastern seaboard
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, August 9th (Friday)

I do yes in a way. I think she thought she was super hot stuff and can't wonder why anyone wouldn't want her. But of course it's all about her.

Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".

Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, August 9th (Friday)

I have come to know that both OW2 (8yrs) and OW3 (1 yr) left their BHs thinking they could snare my FWH.

So me, yes, I pray they do think about me
I pray every night that the arrogant remorseless bitches lie alone in their cold and lonely beds and cry over losing my FWH and regret leaving their BHs.

They did everything they could to get my FWH.

I hope they cry every day for the rest of their lives for their lost love.

I hope they have the most awful mind movies about us in bed together or their BHs with new partners.

Poor pathetic OW. Sometimes I (almost) feel sorry for her (then I remember I hate her and she should die a firey death.)

A firey death is too good. A firey hell suits me better

But then I am a vindictive bitch

Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2754 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, August 9th (Friday)

I doubt the OW with whom my fWH (wow, did I just type that?!?!) had his A thinks about me at all. She is really limited in ability to think about much other than the next concert or party with her high school friends (she is 40!!!)

I didn't think about her much until a couple of weeks ago and then I was pretty "twitchy". The more I found about her, either the less his A made sense or the less R made sense. Finally talked with fWH a couple of days ago and he said "of course she isn't anything like you!" They shared a love of music and during a period of great depression, she was "there for him" but after three months and he started to really know her, he realized how stupid he was being.

Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 630 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
Member # 36774
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, August 9th (Friday)

OW stalked me before i even knew about the A and after.
Between her following me around, online stalking, pinterest, facebook and god knows what else i would safely say yes.
At one point she was more obsessed with me than she was with my WH.

him fWS
M 8yrs 2 kids
DD 2/12 lies until 4/12
2.5 yr A with an OLD married whore
working on R

Posts: 233 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, August 9th (Friday)

I have a pretty strong feeling she does obsess over me. She did everything in her power to make my DH leave me for her. She honestly thinks she is hot shit. For a while, she was showing up wherever we would be and would make sure we seen her. She knows that we walk with the band in every parade, she is at every parade, sitting were she is sure we will see her. If she sees me out without him, she will flip me off. She has blocked me, him and my kids on FB. But I have a pretty good feeling that she unblocks us when she wants to see what we are doing and then reblocks us. Do I really care anymore? Nope! I figure let her obsess, maybe it will drive her completely crazy. I know what she is. My Dh now knows what she is. He fully understands what she did, the lies she told him, how she played him. Yeah, every once in a while I will check out her adult kids FB, hoping for a pic of her to be there. There has never been anything. They post pics of them with their dad and stepmom, but never her. I only want a pic for dart practice. Or as I have said before....

"I took up photography because it is the only legal way I can shoot people and cut off their heads!"

Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, August 9th (Friday)

I admit I was totally obsessed with her in the beginning. She is 20 year younger and attractive. It was the self esteem/threat I felt. She seemed to be obsessed with H. I used to refer to her as aggressive. Now, I see how twisted she is. She tried to get his attention every second. Even with me on his arm. She had no boundaries. crossed the line. ANd she too thought of herself as perfect. I cant help but think she would obsess still. I wonder how long she continued without me knowing? I believe she now has moved on to several other men. SHe keeps losing her jobs. she has had 5 jobs in 5 years. That tells me alot. My final conclusion of her is that she has daddy issues, and she wants money. She hates to work. So, alot of it is obsessing, but over her needs. Not love.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 973 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, August 9th (Friday)

My WS says that OW filed stalking charges against him as revenge when she found out he was with me, and that I was their main source of arguments. So I'm guessing she thought about me. But, she's a bitch because she tried to break us up.

30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1224 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Double post

[This message edited by Lonelygirl10 at 8:51 AM, August 9th (Friday)]

30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1224 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Definitely. OW stalked me online during the A and after. The most recent confirmation I have is March she was still creeping on me.

I do make a point of posting happy life photos publicly to Facebook that would piss her off (yes she is blocked, but we all know, and I dearly hope, all she has to do is make up another fake acct and she can see public posts); Pinterest items that she can interpret wrong; etc.

MOW is a serial cheat. Basically has issues about getting drunk and acting out sexually with married men. Her BH wouldn't touch her (I think they were supposedly in R from her last known rodeo) and she had my WH and at least one other guy she was recording amateur porn videos for and sending to them.

At some point a few months before Dday she decided that WH would be her next patsy/bankroll and separated from her BH with the intent of marrying WH.

She's pushing 50, perimenopausal and putting back on all the weight she had lap banding and tummy/skin tucks to remove. I hope she spends the rest of her life insecure over her weight, alone and regretting what she did to her BH and me and obsessing over my life.

(FYI, I am not putting down overweight people. I just happen to know that her weight is one of her biggest insecurities and considering how insecure she has made me, I'd like her to suffer more)

Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 903 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Oh, I know she is obsessed over us still being together. She outed the A to me when WH#2 wouldn't leave me for her on both DDay'2. I also know she is jealous that I am prettier than her and have a college degree and make more money (all out of her mouth as to why he hadn't left me for her). She is still trying to break NC, so I know she is still after my husband, so I know she is obsessed with us being together. On DDay#1 she had the gall to ask me if he was sleeping with me and if we were having sex (guess he told her he wasn't). Of course I refused to answer any of her questions about our sex life or our marriage. I hope she goes to bed crying every night for the fiance she lost because he was married (yes, he gave her an engagement ring to shut her up). She acted like he was hers and I was the one standing in the way of their happiness. If only she knew what I put up with because he is an alcoholic and drinks himself into a stupor on a daily basis. I have even ask him to leave and he refuses to go.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, August 9th (Friday)

I will admit to some time spent wondering if OW is pleased with herself for winning away a married man from his young family.

He lied to her in huge ways and still does, from my small understanding, if I let anyone tell me.

I've wondered how an OW feels when they "win" and know there are kids involved whose lives they helped to wreck. Even if there are circumstances we don't know, even if they say "go figure it out and then come back" and the WS does return, still, a family and many lives were ruined.

It's about the only thing I would ever consider saying to her, but it's passive and hopefully will be more fleeting than it is currently, in down times.

This OW is apparently a mother also and I used to wonder what kind. I don't too much, anymore.

Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2306 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 36409
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, August 9th (Friday)

I'm sure she thought about me. I know she talked bad about me many times and wanted my WH to leave me for her. She thought she was hot shit. I thought so too. A big pile of steaming hot shit.

Me BS (35)
Him WH (38)
2 Children - 9 & 1 years
DDay #1 Sept 2011
DDay #2 Nov 2011
In R

I feel angry but not homocidal; this may be progress.

Posts: 51 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Canada
Member # 37645
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, August 9th (Friday)

I think she's more obsessed with me than I was with her. She's still rearing her ugly head after 9 months. I think she's up to 17 FB profiles & 6 email addresses now. She keeps sending me information that I already know thinking this will be the piece that causes me to leave him. She's pissed he told me everything. She's pissed he was given an open door to walk out of directly to her & he begged me to let him stay & be the husband I deserved. She hated him telling her in his NC email that she was the biggest mistake of his life & he was committed to me & repairing the damage he had done to his family & our marriage. She's attempted contact with him a couple times to threaten to sue him (even posing as an attorney that doesn't exist) to recoup the money she spent coming to our state to screw my H with no response from him (yes he tells & shows me immediately). Her primary focus since DD has been on me. Jealous much? She's a special kind of crazy

BW (me) - 47
WH (him) - 39
DDay - 10/22/2012 (worst day of my life)

Learning to breathe again - one day at a time

Posts: 235 | Registered: Nov 2012
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, August 9th (Friday)

I totally understand where you are coming from but I have come to the conclusion that it's a waste of energy. People who engage in affairs - as a WS or as OW/OM - are selfish, self centered people. Not going to invest the energy I need to reserve for healing on someone like that. That's not giving them a pass, either.

Want to add that after talking with a longtime close friend of mine who engaged in a year long affair with a married man with a young child over ten years ago, I can tell you they pretty much don't think about anyone except themselves and their married affair partner. They have to compartmentalize otherwise they might feel guilty. There is also a certain sense of entitlement that has to be present as well as someone who is at their core damaged in some way. Someone who needs validation, or needs to feel powerful in some way to overcome their insecurity.

[This message edited by womaninflux at 2:03 PM, August 9th (Friday)]

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, August 9th (Friday)

She thought she was hot shit. I thought so too. A big pile of steaming hot shit.

This made me

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, August 9th (Friday)

I don't know if you would call it an obsession but OW wants me as dead as I want her. Thanks for that.

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, August 9th (Friday)

Some of them certainly do. A good number of those who "win" (i.e. marry following divorce) the wayward spouse end up taking on an unnerving number of similar characteristics - hair cuts, vehicles, nicknames, etc. to the BS.

I guess I've always assumed that those OPs who obsess do so in a way that is possessive of the WS, or competitive if that makes sense.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13811 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, August 9th (Friday)


How she met FWH was hearing about him (and his awful spouse, ME) through a mutual friend.

She was stalking both of our social networking profiles before we even knew who she was.

Over 6 years later, she finds me on every social networking site she can.

New Year's even as we were celebrating and watching the ball drop, she was on Pinterest repinning my pins.

This does not go for all of them. Some just "want who/what they want" and do not care.

But for some, like my FWH's OW, it is VERY much about competing with the BS.

BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014


Posts: 2315 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, August 9th (Friday)

She is really limited in ability to think about much other than the next concert or party with her high school friends (she is 40!!!)

^^^LOL. Sounds like the same OW! Pathetic.
I think she does think about me. She MUST wonder why my WH cut things off with her and is trying to win me back AFTER I filed for divorce.
That's got to stick in her craw.
Honestly, I hardly think about her at all. I don't think it was "her" he was cheating with. It was the idea. He affaired down BIG TIME. She looks like a horse and all her friends are high schoolers. She works at the local high school where my kids go and told a bunch of their friends about the affair. Really? Classy.
I have found only 1 person who even somewhat likes/respects her in this small town.
I think in the end she was just needy and lonely enough to give my husband all the attention he craved.
I would imagine at her maturity level that it bothers her knowing it wasn't enough to keep him.
However, if he does end up going back to her if the divorce goes through, he's got a lovely future of her controlling his every move because she will know she was second choice. Hahahaha.
Oh, at one point someone had messed with the locks on her apartment and she immediately thought it was me. My husband was like "MPL would NEVER do anything like that!" (or so he says) But I bet that pissed her off too. Lol. Sorry I can't be as trashy as you OW!
*sigh* it's really not funny.

I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, August 12th (Monday)

the whole "affairing down" thread helped but talking with fWH about her was so revealing. He even said, "it was a fantasy, there wasn't anything real there"

Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 630 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, August 12th (Monday)

That married old whore got stolen moments in parking lots with my wh. She got my leftover time and a used penis.

She wasn't worth the truth or him leaving me for her. She got bullshitted by a bullshitter. She got used like a piece of ass and then thrown away. To my friends, family shes a sleazy piece of shit. She has to walk around wondering who knows her dirty secret. Who has seen her dirty pics.

Shes had her "mid life crisis" and is a better person now. Lol

I hope she keeps her legs and mouth closed and stays away from me.

She could fuck my wh..big deal! Apparently he will fuck anything. Doesn't make her any better or special...

I hope every time her girlfriends are gossiping or talking about some skanky cheater deep inside she feels like shit.

I hope her romps with my wh in the 3rd row of her Expedition in some church parking lot make her feel like shit now....her going home to her bh after she gave my wh oral...covered in my wh and his smell. Kissing her kids good night. Crawling in bed with her bh.

Im sure she wants to forget ever sorry ass pathetic moment of what her and my wh did and I hope she cant.

Edit to better articulate my feelings and correct spelling errors.

[This message edited by sunflowergirl30 at 8:26 AM, August 12th (Monday)]

Together 21yrs married 18yrs
2 kids, now 19 & 16
Bw: now 38
Wh: now 37
Mow: now 50
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1079 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Member # 37550
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

To be honest, my WH's OW does not. I can't verify, but honestly, I know she doesn't because when I confronted her (yes, stupid, I know), soon after she deleted his WONDERFUL birthday wishes from her FB, and if she weren't such a lazy cow, she'd have probably deleted his flirty messages to her on twitter. Oh, the JOYS of SOCIAL media.

But no, she threw him under the bus the moment I burst the bubble, and had the nerve to call back and ask if I would be coming to her house. "No because you're not THAT fucking important, cow!"

So, no...after an affair that lasted from 2010 - 2012, she threw him under bus without a second thought and was screwing him and every available dick she could get her lonely, ass hands on. She had plenty of people to stroke her ego; he just became another notch on her belt.

And that's really, really, really fucking sad.

Him (31): Taurus517 (17 mon EA/PA); others
Me (27): 3mo EA/PA (kissed once)
One too many D-days
(Full story: see profile)

Posts: 230 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Atlanta, GA
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Ah the skank made her twitter public. She has no tweets from the a. Now it's all about how awesome her betrayed bf is. And she is so mean and nasty.

I suppose she really embraced skank after the a. So sad and pathetic she is.

I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 45