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click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 1:23 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Tell me how you keep yourself from smoking again when you face intense anger/stress?

Tell me how you stop your brain from going on overload because the cigarettes used to "calm" you down?

Tell me why its harder as time goes on instead of easier?

And most importantly tell me that its not going to be like this 2 months down the line and that I really should be proud of myself?

Tell me why the smoker's helpline said..."well if you relapse that's normal"....I don't WANT TO relapse!


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
MerryMeNot
New Member
Member # 35872
Default  Posted: 2:55 AM, August 9th (Friday)

May 20, 2009 is the day I quit my (at least) pack a day habit after 18 years. Cold turkey torture. It will NOT be like this for you two months from now. You SHOULD be super proud of yourself! Quitting was easily my greatest life's accomplishment. I loved loved loved smoking.

How do I not restart when I'm stressed? I talk myself through it - that if I did smoke, I'd be spending tons of money and that would only add hugely to my stress level. I force myself to remember how I would literally think about smoking and my next smoke all day long. If I had 3 smokes in a pack, I'd feel panicky. Driving, working, being around kids, visiting friends - I was never fully present because I was thinking about when and where to smoke. I can't go back to that.

I tell my brain that cigarettes didn't calm me down. The nicotine made my heart race and my whole body jittery. I tell myself the truth: it was the habit of smoking that calmed me down. In the early days after I quit, I'd pretend smoke rolled up pieces of paper. The habit, the movements, the puffing, the holding - calmed me down.

It isn't harder as time goes on. Physically, the nicotine leaves your system in a few days. I took up new hobbies afterward so I'd have something to occupy my mind and hands. I did latch hook, paint by numbers, tried new recipes, played computer games, etc. All helped.

Forget the "it's normal to relapse." Sure it is, because it's so freaking hard to quit. But, in addition to being "normal," it's also DANGEROUS to relapse. It's UNHEALTHY to relapse. It's GROSS to relapse (you quit for a reason, right?). It's EMBARRASSING to relapse (all your friends know you tried, right?).

Relapsing is NOT what you want. Don't do it. Roll up an index card and pretend to smoke the shit out of it, then grab your biggest pillow and scream your lungs out into it. Then go to sleep.

Good luck!


BS - 42
my fWH - 48
M 8 yrs, together 10
his DD/my stepDD - 14
DDay September 2004; OEAs, PA that lasted 2 months

I have suspicions! He's up to something, I can feel it....


Posts: 29 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: southeast US
Too_Trusting
Member
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Click,

I'm right there with ya on it seemingly getting harder. For me, the cravings hit HARD whenever I was around people smoking. I was around a LOT of family smoking during the holiday season last year. That nearly broke my resolve, and yes, I admit that I did cheat. More times than I really want to admit.


Then, my mother passed away in May. I cheated during that BIG TIME, I'm ashamed to say.

On top of all of that, I have PHYSICAL reasons not to smoke. I have mild to moderate COPD. Quite honestly, if I smoke, I get short of breath. It's STUPID and DANGEROUS for me to smoke. Yet, I kept longing for my ROUTINE of smoking.

I finally made a compromise and am using the e-cig for when I just need that routine. A crappy one won't get it done - I had to (with Eranda's excellent help ) get a good one that delivers a good hit to the back of my throat. It doesn't make me short of breath and I don't smell like an ashtray.

IDK. I think you have to find what works for YOU. I found that I was cheating with real cigarettes too often and I seemed to have lost my resolve. The e-cig has been a good compromise for me.


"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2454 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, August 9th (Friday)

You have to replace that habit with another. So when things got crazy, or stressed you smoked. Now you need to do something else. It can be a 5 minute focused breathing session (which has some of the same results of smoking) You take 5 minutes to do some deep breathing, clear everthing from your mind and focus on making your muscles relax step by step from your feet to your head.
If that's not an option how about a brisk walk for 5-10 minutes, again it gives you a chance to stop and regroup, find center.

It is a matter of finding a new way to manage the stressors of life. This is why that Vaping / Ecig thing is so successful. It allows you to engage in a similar behavior. While you slowly wean off the nicotine. Since you stopped, you have weaned yourself already.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8229 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Man, its been a long time. I quit just after high school because smoking wasn't allowed on the college campus.

Basically for me its a matter of knowing that starting again worse then the wanting it again.

There's been many times where i just want to buy a pack and smoke it in one go...but then I remember that its just so much better now.

I went through a lot of gum, alot of mints, and my pens were always chewed.

And "Wanting" to relapse IS normal...relapsing for reals is what is harder.

Its been 12 years, and I still walk by smokers and think...man wouldn't it be nice! DH Dips, and whenever things get stressful, he gets to dip. I on the other hand have NO vice to turn to. I dont drink much, i dont over eat, i dont do drugs, and I dont smoke....LOL...i suck

[This message edited by Undefinabl3 at 8:26 AM, August 9th (Friday)]


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1717 | Registered: Sep 2012
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, August 9th (Friday)

The habit, the movements, the puffing, the holding - calmed me down.

This is what I wanted to say. Find an alternative way to do the same/similar breathing.

You can do it clicky!! I'm proud of you!


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4149 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, August 9th (Friday)

The Mrs replaced it with another habit- she used to go smoke at the back door, now she goes and listens to a song.

She's started listening to chap-hop for the first time in her life. A guy called Professor Elemental... Every time she wants a smoke she listens to him.

Good luck and stick at it


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
Threnody
Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, August 9th (Friday)

t/j:

Chap-hop! I love your wife's taste in music. That is all.

end t/j


Clicky, I was there with you every time I tried to quit. I stalked around like Wolverine with rabies. Just miserable. The ecigs are helping, and I'm already to the point where messing with the tanks and liquids are just "Ugh, bored" and I go do something else instead. So even the physical habit is waning. It's been (hang on, opening the app ) 1 month, 10 days, 40 minutes and I've avoided 400.28 cigarettes and saves $121.09 in cig money. In $16.95, I'll break even with what I'd have spent on cigarettes because I bought all sorts of silly tanks and things as a way of making myself stick with it.

You'll get there. Hang on.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
asurvivor
Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, August 9th (Friday)

As the old saying goes..."I'm an expert at quitting smoking, I've done it a thousand times." That was me for a long long time. Finally, I quit 3 years ago and have not had nicotine in my body since.

Nicotine is a powerful drug. I was an addict and it sounds like you are also. The addict inside you has a very strong voice. It tells you anything to get you to feed what it wants to eat. "just one" "you have too much stress, this will help" "I will feel so much better if I have just one"....you know what I'm talking about. It's powerful and it's insidious. You feel like shit after and the cycle will continue. It's a true parasite inside your brain that can eventually destroy it's host.

I can't tell tell you what finally made me stop (after a thousand quits one finally took) except I found an online site very similar to this one for support and that helped... somewhat... but I think I just got tired of being tired. Tired of sneaking smokes, tired of thinking they are going to kill me, tired of hiding it from my kid, tired of washing off my face so people couldn't smell the stink, tired of not having my freedom. F-ing tired of its grip of hell.

It gets better. But the Nicodemon will be fighting you all the way. It DOES get better and everyday you make it without the drug will feel just amazing. If you have kids, think of them but it is you that you need to think of the most. You can do it...I'm telling you if I did so can you. I truly wish you the best.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 539 | Registered: Jun 2011
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, August 9th (Friday)

You built an association with stressful situations requiring some kind of event to calm you down, as it were, so you can substitute it with something else or just CONTINUE TO BE AWESOME UNTIL IT CONSUMES EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT AWESOME.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7431 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Threnody- professor elemental and Mr B the gentleman rhymer are her faves at the moment. It seems to be working so there must be something in replacing the habit.

I've never had 1 draw of a cig- never appealed. Kissing my wife used to be like kissing an ashtray- i used to offer her smints all the time!

Hang in there Click- you can do it!!!


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Ah you guys are a breath of fresh air! You are all awesome.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
LisaP
Member
Member # 15088
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, August 9th (Friday)

I quit cold turkey on Mothers day 2006. A year later the A happened and it was my biggest challenge, but I managed through it. I have never picked up another cigarette.

Tell me how you keep yourself from smoking again when you face intense anger/stress?

I would tell myself that I am not going to allow this person/event push me into smoking again when I came so far.....I am stronger then that! I reminded myself why I quit.

Tell me how you stop your brain from going on overload because the cigarettes used to "calm" you down?

I would stop, close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, and give myself a pep talk reiterating the above.

Tell me why its harder as time goes on instead of easier?

Your breaking a behavior pattern that you have done for years.

And most importantly tell me that its not going to be like this 2 months down the line and that I really should be proud of myself?

For ME, at the 4 month mark it became much easier! At that point I felt like I reached the top of the mountain and I was now heading down. I was confident that I was going to be successful, and I was.

Tell me why the smoker's helpline said..."well if you relapse that's normal"....I don't WANT TO relapse!

I heard that a smoker will try to quit smoking several times before being successful. I had tried on several occasions. I loved smoking. I still think about it. But this last time was different and I knew it. I felt it. I was successful even with my XH smoking right in front of me.

I also would pop a cinnamon (fire) jolly rancher when the urge was extreme and it helped.

You can do this! Distract yourself when the urge hits and move on to a healthier activity. You are in control of your behavior. Re-train your brain.

Good luck!


Me BS

Divorced!

~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown


Posts: 2182 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Oregon
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, August 9th (Friday)

Hey click

I am just starting so no help...just (((hugs)))

You can do this!!!


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3793 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, August 9th (Friday)

karma -I know I'm no help in my rant last night.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
unbreak_my_heart
Member
Member # 12145
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, August 10th (Saturday)

Ex-smoker of 11 yrs...

The only place it is acceptable to smoke is in my dreams...


HAPPILY RECONCILED!

I ♥ my Husband!!!


Posts: 2282 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Our happy place
ExposedNiblet
Member
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Keep at it! You're doing fine.

Tell me how you keep yourself from smoking again when you face intense anger/stress?

Chewing gum, exercise, deep breathing, chewing on a drinking straw.

Tell me how you stop your brain from going on overload because the cigarettes used to "calm" you down?

Be patient, clicky, you're still new at this. It will happen naturally in time. Until then, feel free to tell your brain to behave itself.

Tell me why its harder as time goes on instead of easier?

When I went through this years ago, it seemed to get harder for a period of time before it got better. Try to relax - this is temporary. Think of it as your inner addict's last hurrah/temper tantrum.

And most importantly tell me that its not going to be like this 2 months down the line and that I really should be proud of myself?

It's not going to be like this forever.

You should be very proud of yourself. Quitting is not easy (as you're learning) but you're doing just fine!

Tell me why the smoker's helpline said..."well if you relapse that's normal"....

Well, that's a good question...and I don't have an answer to it. Sorry clicky.

Keep at it - you're well on the road to being smoke-free!

You're doing great!


Divorced
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.


Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

merrymenot- congrats on staying smoke free for 4 years! ty sharing your story and giving suggestions.` I don't have nicotine out of my system yet as I alternate patches and the e-cig.

[This message edited by click4it at 10:54 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Sorry, my dog hopped up on me before I can respond to everything.

too-trusting- I am so very sorry to hear about your mom passing in May (((hugs))) Its totally understandable that you started back up at that time. I am so glad you started using the e-cig. Sounds like its really working for you and won't cause anymore health problems. :)

tush- ty, I am trying. I take walks and try to do other things.

Undef- wow you have incredible will-power - an addiction free life it sounds like. :) Or maybe only healthy addictions. :)

littleturtle - ty!

idiot85- I thought chap hop was a typo for hip hop. I started turning up the music in my car real loud and sing a lot. So that does help.

Thren - we have very close quit dates! Keep up the good work girl!

asurvivor - yes, I quit for all those reasons too. good for you for qutting as well! when I said I was I meant it and I'm trying my best...

stillgoing - love that pic!! ty.

lisap - wow, that is awesome...didn't pick up after D-day? THAT'S when I started smoking again after being smoke free for 6 years all great suggestions, ty.

unbreak- good for you!!

exposed-

Until then, feel free to tell your brain to behave itself.
oh if only... ty for all the suggestions.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 6:05 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

Chap hop isace- you should totally look it up!

In my house playing very loudlyright now is professor elemental 'fighting trousers' it's a great song and helps the mrs!!


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
Topic Posts: 20