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Just Found Out
User Topic: New struggles and pain
Phoenix9572
Member
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, August 9th (Friday)

I haven't share this yet but I had DD2 this past Sunday. I finally found a way to intercept WH text msgs and found out he was back on web-sites. I really thought that was behind us.
I've been struggling all week with this new information. To top everything off he left this morning for a 9 day fishing trip. (Unless he' got a lot of other guys in collusion, this is a legit trip.)
Last night we had MC and it did not go well. We talked briefly about he web-sites and then it was all about me and FOO issues. I walked out of there feeling decimated and like I'm the biggest, messed up, f-up on the planet. WH has no idea how to deal with emotions and even though MC was trying to coach it just felt too forced. My plan of a romantic evening before we were apart for9 days fell to pieces and we fought about it this morning. He left for his trip this morning very frustrated at me. I read his texts to one of the guys he is fishing with and he said, "Free at Last!...for a week anyway...I am most certain that MLK came up with free at last in context of time away from Coretta. He just stole the use and applied it to civil rights! Brilliant move..."
I'm so hurt and feeling like crap right now. Can we ever put all this behind us if that's the way he feels about me?
Thanks for letting me wallow in my pity party for a bit.


Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
Healing2012
Member
Member # 35238
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, August 9th (Friday)

I'm not sure I can offer much at this point other than hugs and letting you know you've been heard.

Second D-Days are not any easier. For me, it was more painful than the first one. Are you going to counseling on your own as well as MC? I found that it really helped me with all the emotions I wasn't comfortable discussing with my WH. Besides, he was WAY in a fog and me telling him how I felt wouldn't have even mattered.

This trip might be the perfct time to start the 180 (if you haven't already).

Hang in there and keep posting...


BS: Me (41)
WS: Husband (47)
Married 9 years
Two children 6 & 17 (my stepson)
D-day #1: 12/18/11
D-day #2: 8/26/12 (still in contact w/ OW)
Status: Separated - not R, not D.

Posts: 359 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Midwest
pregnantandsad
Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Just wanted to send thoughts and hugs. I don't know if I could handle reading those kind of texts.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, August 9th (Friday)

That seems really hurtful. If he's so keen to be free... Maybe you need to give him real a taste of it. I don't know at all, I'm not even sure how long ago DD#1 was for you, but it seems that going on a boys trip right now is very inconsiderate.
I'm sorry that you're hurting. :(


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 926 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Reality
Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, August 9th (Friday)

Wow, Phoenix, FTG. He was disrespectful and blatant about it to his friends circle, too?

FTG, FTG, FTG.

And this is right after DD#2. What is it with WHs who think they get to be jerks after getting another chance(s)?

I'm so sorry. He doesn't sound remorseful at all.

[This message edited by Reality at 11:17 AM, August 9th (Friday)]


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, August 9th (Friday)

Ouch! Does he know that you read it?

Posts: 679 | Registered: Jul 2013
scoteye13
New Member
Member # 39569
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, August 10th (Saturday)

I think that the second DDay makes it all the more harder. I am surprised at how more severely I have reacted this time around. Is it age or the passage of time that has lulled us into thinking that it couldn t happen again. WTF? I know that I was asleep and blindsided. Just a few short months ago, I was living in a different world- blissfuIly and mercifully ignortant of what was to come. I am still searching for answers. I hope that you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone and in very good company, I might add. Hugs and stay strong!

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Northern Ontario
kickboxer
Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, August 10th (Saturday)

Ouch.

I'm so so so sorry...he sounds so inconsiderate and lacking compassion for how his decisions have affected you.

Perhaps the next 10 days will be a gift? Maybe the time and space will give you an opportunity to gain perspective about yourself, your personal strength, and your marriage?

If I were in this situation, I'd probably continue to keep track of his activity, but (aside from short & sweet confirmations that the kids and I are alive) I wouldn't engage or respond to him.

I hope the sting eases soon, and your able to get through the next 10 days with the dignity you deserve.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Topic Posts: 8