User Topic: Texted the OW
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, August 10th (Saturday)

I know most advice is not to do this, it won't make you feel better and you won't get any truth out if them. Well I felt I had to. I couldn't let her see me as the pathetic wife whose husband she "fulfilled" for 3 years.
Basically my text said was that what they did was selfish and wrong, they could have destroyed not only our marriage but my son's life. I said I trusted him and her as his "friend" and they took advantage of that. I did say that I hoped she realized he never truly loved her and used her to fill a hole in himself. Then I ended it with have a nice life.
This was her response:

"I promise that if you do not stop contacting me, you will see a side of me you never thought could exist. I tend to be quite the c*** when I'm pushed too far. Leave me alone. Never text me again. I'm not asking."

I never planned on responding and still won't. This shows me exactly what type of person she is and I want nothing to do with that.
If I had responded, it would have been "lol". She obviously has no idea what "pushed too far" is. All my revenge fantasies are just that and unless she takes it further, I'm done.
I actually feel better and H and I had some nice HB.

Edited for typo

[This message edited by AML04 at 11:26 AM, August 10th (Saturday)]

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 864 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, August 10th (Saturday)

What a bitch! That just pissed me off.
You never know what to expect when you text the ow. I have to say, the response you got is not one I've heard or seen on SI before.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5045 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, August 10th (Saturday)

Right?? It sounds like something a BS might say to an OW, not the other way around.

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 864 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, August 10th (Saturday)

Yep. Bullying, lying, lashing out... that's about all you can expect from contacting an AP.

We don't need that negativity in our lives. Going through all of this has really opened my eyes to how important it is to only spend my energy and effort on people and projects that are worthwhile.


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17352 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 36774
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, August 10th (Saturday)

My response probably would have been "there's something worse than being a whore?"

FWIW I think its good that you got that off your chest. No matter what her response would have been it wouldnt make you happy..only unloading your thoughts can give a moment of release/peace.

him fWS
M 8yrs 2 kids
DD 2/12 lies until 4/12
2.5 yr A with an OLD married whore
working on R

Posts: 233 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

That's definitely why I did it Broken. It was something I needed to do for myself.

I feel better and want to work with my H to repair the damage that was done. I have no room for that kind of poison in my life now.

Thanks all!!

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 864 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

I wrote a letter to ow and posted it on General, my letter to ow, I keep thinking about sending it.

I feel like it would make me feel empowered. I really don't care if she responded at all or what she has to say.

I think I feel a bit humiliated because of her texting me after h left and I was not able at that time to defend myself.

I would love to respond to her now from a place of strength. Just for me, to defend myself, to show that I am not a weak, defenseless woman.

I am stronger now than I have ever been.

Did it make you feel better to send it? Did it ease your mind a bit?

Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14

Posts: 1345 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Save the text. Maybe even consider showing it to the police for their opinion as to whether it constitutes a threat of violence.

Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 852 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 36996
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

AML04 I know the need for speaking to them. My Dday was a year ago tomorrow. I had always for some reason wanted to speak the my WW's AP. I wanted for many months to make his life hell. Needless to say I never did. But one day I did by chance find something new after some investigation and then I had to say something to him. I showed my WW what I had found and she swore she knew nothing about how he might have got it. Anyways I confronted him about it and of coarse I got the my email was hacked a while back don't know how I got the picture of you WW. Anyways while writing him I did use it as a opportunity to ask questions I always wanted to ask him. Things my WW said that I thought at the time were just her way of playing the affair off as no good. But low and behold everything she said was truthful. He did have ED and many other problems. Even said to ahead make fun of me. To which I didn't just wanted to know. Do I believe all of what he said to me know. He also even started the speech about leaving him alone. I replied that I didn't even know him but that last time I checked he brought himself into my life. I told him you can't the badgering or constant questions, shouldn't have had a affair with my wife. Long story short I had not contacted him in almost 8 months after Dday. He actually asked me to please leave his family alone and to quit stocking him at work and home. I found that funny cause I had never did that ever. Just goes to show how worried he was about me and was always looking over his shoulder after Dday. My not saying anything really made him worry more about what I was up to. His own mind played games on him. He said many of his relatives hated him for what he did after I outed him to every single person in his family On Dday . I hope you find what you are looking for I had always been told not to speak to them but in my case I found out a lot about his mentality. Since the confrontation I ah e decided to 100% into not thinking about him again and let him go back to his life of always looking over his shoulder and worrying about me, while I move on and work with my WW to fix my marriage.

DDay Aug 11 2012
Me 39
Her 35
met 1996
married 1999

Posts: 88 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

I sent the Whore from my situation a letter almost 7 years ago now. Yes, it made me feel empowered.

I know it is often recommended on this forum that we lie low and I always hear: NC is NC is NC, which means nothing to me and really does not make sense. My H is to have NC with any such whores if he wants to be with me. (Which he does; we are R'ed and have been for a long time).

But I will set my own rules for myself based on the situation.

There comes a point when you don't want to stir the pot, but that doesn't mean you should not have even one chance to tell the whore what a worthless piece of garbage she is. My letter enforced what she had beeen told before in an NC from both my H and I: Do not contact us, or we will consider it harassment and take legal action.

But she did try to contact him after that NC letter, in the form of voicemails left on his abandoned secret tracfone, begging and blubbering for him to see her again. So that is why I was prompted to send copies of the voicemails to her H, and a letter to her telling her what I thought of her, and letting her know she better seriously understand this time, she is not to try to contact either of us. I think she understood as she has not bothered us for almost 7 years now.

When BS are told not to contact them, and if they see them out and about, act as if they don't matter (when of course the OW is not fooled and knows how much the BS is bothered by their presence, it just makes the BS seem meek and cowering while the OW continues to walk all over her. At least that is how I would have felt. I'm so glad I feel like I had the last word and it was very satisfying.

Posts: 5742 | Registered: Apr 2006
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

That was basically xOw2's attitude when I emailed her just before 2d-day.

So she was still in an A with my H, had HIS car while he was in Iraq and yet felt that she had the right to dictate whether I was in her life or not.

It really gives you insight as to the type of people who are active OPs, right?

Like you, I went NC. Composed response emails and posted them here. I comforted myself with the fact that I had all the emails in her address book, including parents and grandparents and could blow her carefully constructed image apart if I wanted to.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11186 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Member # 24824
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

What a piece of work. Picture her like the lyrics to the Mr. Grinch song -

Your soul is an appalling dump-heap,
Overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled-up in tangled-up knots!

What are you going to do when he leaves you?

Posts: 564 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Europe
sinsof thefather
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Just curious - what was your husband's reaction to her showing her true colours?

...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1875 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

I sent the OW a letter, but she was a friend of mine, so I had to let her know how I felt about her selfish and self destructive behavior. I also asked for an apology, which I got - but it was weak and self-focused. No big surprise there!

But, I felt better for sending it, and even though her apology was immature, it helped me put her in her proper place in my mind. (Not as the big, bad she-wolf, but as an insecure, needy, weak person with very little creativity. What is better, is my fWH saw this as well.)

me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.

Posts: 1968 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

I would love to post to everybody individually but I'm on my phone and that would take forever.

Thank you so much for sharing all your stories it definitely helped me feel that I made the right decision for me. I do think it gave me something; I'm not sure quite what yet. But at least it let me get a real picture of who she really is. And although I love thinking of her as the Grinch, I call her Ted; after the raunchy, f'd up bear in the movie that came between Mark Wahlburg and Mila Kunis

As much as I don't want to save her nasty text on my phone I definitely will. Just in case something happens. I don't know any cops to ask but that sure seems like a threat to me. Especially because the only other time I contacted her it was to ask her to take my family photos down from her web page.

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 864 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Sinsof-I asked H if he was ok with me sending it because he has to work with her still. Fortunately he saw her true colors before this when he told her I knew and they couldn't have any contact. She said she did nothing wrong. I think right then he knew what kind of person she really is. This was the icing on the cake though because he's really pissed off she threatened me. He says if she does anything he'll go to HR even if it means he gets fired too.

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 864 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Intersting she referred to herself as a c**t. At least she knows who she is

After almost 6 yrs I had my say with ho and male ho. It helped me a lot. Gave me a voice.

The reason its not a good idea to contact them is their victim mentality

A couple/few yrs ago a bs here wrote a letter that was in no way threatening and the ho actually pressed charges against the poor bs and won in court

People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not ....will be divorcing the selfish creep.

Posts: 8270 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

sully-I found that interesting as well. And to be honest I've pretty much seen every side of her and let's just say its not pretty.

One of the reasons I kept my text to her so basic was I didn't want it coming back to me. I didn't say anything about what I thought of her as a person; only what I thought of what her and H did. And that's why I won't respond.

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 864 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

I am in no way advising that any one of you do this. However, I had that burning desire to contact the whore in my situation, so I know how you feel. I found out by googling that texts can be sent anonymously over the computer. I text bombed that bitch like it was world war 3. Got everything off my chest and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it because she's basically as dumb as a box of rocks.

Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 549 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Chicky-I was totally going to do that!! I have 100's of pics of her that I recovered from my H's iPhone backup and I was just going to start texting them to anonymously! Either that or to her current bf. I couldn't do it though, I need to be the better woman right now. Of course if she does anything to me or my family, all bets are off.

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 864 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Yes, I've wanted to contact Ow, too, for different things.

For a time I wanted to ask her how does it feel to have "won" a married man away from a pregnant wife, little girl and home he built for over 10 years and ruined his life for.

Sometimes I want to tell her to run, for there's no doubt that she is only a pit stop on this road he's chosen.

I'm of the opinion that Ow is only a factor in all that he's done and also a convenient situation-probably someone with some money in the family and some type of affluence to feed the narcissism.

But I pride myself on NC with Floozy because it's one of the only bits of pride I have left at present and I don't want to feed her ego. Already I picture them snickering and whooping it up about me, so that image helps to keep me away.

I am glad that you got that done, Am.

I've thought for a while that the type of person to be an OP has to be a bully of sorts, in a way, don't they? To be able to pull it off, that is and willing to step on another person. I think it becomes a territory thing.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Would you expect anything more from a person who thinks nothing of selfishly fulfilling his/her desires, all the while aiding in the destruction of another's life?

She is nothing more that trash, absolute trash.

ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, August 10th (Saturday)


You have to stand up for yourself. How DARE SHE.

No way, confront her in person and see what "a c***" she can be then. Or write a facebook post. I had a sort of similar situation as well. the first time was dday by ourselves... no audience. The second time... I told everyone and I told her I was telling everyone. And WH also told everyone (he did it very publicly)

You are worth so much more than that disgusting bitch.
She just tried to put you 'in your place'. I found standing up for myself towards a similar ow as yours as empowering and really made me turn a corner in my life.

I seem to remember Williesmom having a very funny story. Hopefully she sees this and shares it with you :)

[This message edited by lauren123 at 11:30 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]

OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

I sent letters too. I did so through anonymous email accounts and made sure they were blocked from responding. I'm glad I did. I don't really care if they laughed about it or not. It was something I did for me, letting them know what I thought of them.

Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3543 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

I found out by googling that texts can be sent anonymously over the computer. I text bombed that bitch like it was world war 3

t/j- how on earth do you do this??!

Awesomeness to you. That is hilarious.

BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeć

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Jul 2009
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

I spent many weeks in text contact with ow post Dday ( I pumped her for information and she obliged ) then, once the dust settled, I texted her BFF's boyfriend from my FWH phone ( this couple were ow beasties and complicit in the A) and pretended to be FWH. The text said;" how's life mate? Mine is fantastic. I cannot believe how lucky I feel that Mrs D forgave me. Our M is better than it ever was and I still cannot believe I almost threw that away for a c*** like "ow"!! Boy do I feel disgusted that I ever put my dick anywhere near that!! Sooo not worth anything that one!"

I sent this after I had stopped texting her though.

I KNEW it would get shown to ow and the response FWH got back from this guy confirmed ow was devastated.

FWH to this day doesn't know I did that as I deleted the texts but, even if he did, he wouldn't be mad at me.

My weeks of texting with the ow was to ensure they didn't get back together and to let her know their "relationship" was built on lies. The more information I gave her the more she grew to understand she was nothing more than his plaything. SHE came out of her own foginess the more I told her things like, "yep, he said he was taking you there on holiday? No sweetie, he said that because he'd booked that holiday for us already!" and "He told you he was working all over New Year?! No, we spent it in bed with a bottle of champagne....." Etc etc etc etc etc

Empowering- very much so.

I took back the control she had taken from me and it felt great!!

She even texted me one day to say FWH hadn't contacted her in a few days ( yes, initially he tried to crawl back there) and said she was worried he'd killed himself over the ending of the A. I took great joy texting her back and saying "oh, I wouldn't worry too much about his mental state. He isn't feeling suicidal. At least, I don't think he is. He is currently stuffing another cookie into his mouth whilst begging me to take him back and he doesn't look dead to me!!"

Oh how I played

BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeć

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Jul 2009
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 3:16 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

I love that your text got under her skin! I have never heard a another woman call herself the C word. She can mess with your husband but how dare you text her?! I "c***" believe it

Posts: 667 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 4:12 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

Well, she used the right word to describe herself, didn't she?

These OW's are so *$&#@ arrogant! I texted OW2 after reading her and STBX's messages to each other. She responded with threats to get a restraining order on me, telling me to sort out my marital problems with my husband which had nothing to do with her (!), told me I am an 'unstable' person and to never come near her or her family.... effing bitch.

She didn't have the last word though I texted her and told her I'd drop off STBX's things on her front lawn that evening and perhaps her husband might help her take them all inside??

I'm glad you had the chance to get your feelings off your chest. Good for you. She's certainly revealed her true c*** colors

Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

I want to respond to everyone but once again I'm on my phone!

I would love to respond and put her in her in her place. I hate that she probably thinks me not contacting her was because of what she said. you can see, she's obviously not right. And God forbid she actually means what she says. I can handle it but she knows where I live and I have a son. I refuse to bring that level of crazy into my life anymore. The best thing I can do is move on from her. She's not worth my time.
I said my piece, and that's all I wanted.

Edited for typo

[This message edited by AML04 at 6:36 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 864 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Member # 29283
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

"I took great joy texting her back and saying "oh, I wouldn't worry too much about his mental state. He isn't feeling suicidal. At least, I don't think he is. He is currently stuffing another cookie into his mouth whilst begging me to take him back and he doesn't look dead to me!!"
I absolutely LOVE this!!!!!

"I texted her and told her I'd drop off STBX's things on her front lawn that evening and perhaps her husband might help her take them all inside??"

And this!!!!! You girls ROCK!

[This message edited by dov46 at 2:36 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]

ME:BS (46)
HIM:WH (37)
Husband caught in EA/PA 1/09. Filed for Divorce 2/09.
Reconciled 3/09....remains rocky!
Dday #2?-1/23/12
Divorced 6/26/12
It's the friends you can call up at 4:00 a.m. that matter....Marlene Dietrich

Posts: 156 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From:
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

So many different outcomes of contact with OW

In my situation, I have had contact with OW and it didnt make a bit of difference, although my conscience is now clear, I finally told her everything, that WH and I have been together and never broke up.

Her words when I told her we had sex was "well I'll have his bags packed, I am not going to be with a man who has his dick in another woman" Yes, she said that, this woman is a nut job......that was in January. The only thing that tramp did is make up a bunch of bullshit to tell WH about our conversation and make him question my true intentions, she told him I said I was going to take him back and then dump him.

But WH was here one time, OW thought he was at work, and I called her (about a month after my full disclosure) I asked her about taking him back, her story to me was completely different and WH was listening in the entire time....that was in February, he is still with her.

That was the last time I spoke to the OW and will be the last time I will have any contact with her. I wouldnt let her talk after her going on and on for about 5 mins, she apparantly loves to talk. In the end she told me off, said i was trying to come between her and WH, that I was pathetic and need to get a life.

She's a real physcho, even WH said that about a month ago, but she is his problem not mine

Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

"I tend to be quite the c*** "

She certainly told the truth here.

I contacted the OW before I found out the EA was a PA. She wouldn't answer my calls or text. I never heard a word from her and not long after that she cut off contact with ex and left the country.

I don't know if she was scared of me or just didn't know what to say in response as she didn't speak/understand English very well (and no, my Ex doesn't speak her primary language at all!)

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, August 12th (Monday)

Hell yes I called that biatch.

I put 2 and 2 together and figured out she was the one who had sent an anon gift card to my husband so he could purchase a new TV.

WH wouldn't admit to me that it was her, so I called her myself and confronted her.

Then I destroyed it while she was on the phone with me, and hung up on her.

She began harassing me via email, so I got a Harassment Injunction against her, and haven't heard a thing since.

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Topic Posts: 33