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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: When WS leaves for AP...how long after Dday?
allfalldown
Member
Member # 39324
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Once the A comes to light, how quickly did your Wayward leave for the AP?

Please feel free to share the status of that relationship as well...

Thanks!


Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"


Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

It was 11 months after d-day #1, but about 1 1/2 months after I found out for sure now-ex had taken the affair underground (I found the secret cell phone). It's been 4 years since he left, and he married OW earlier this year.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12166 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

We separated a month after dday. That was for 5mo and the did a 3 mo false R. He walked out and never looked back,that was 8mo after dday.
That was almost 5 yrs ago and we divorced.
He married Twat last year.

[This message edited by gma56 at 2:22 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20383 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
hangingontohope7
Member
Member # 20024
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Immediately.

There was no chance of R with him. I left and he didn't even wait a full 48 hours before he starting letting OW stay over.

They officially announced that they were together about three whole weeks after DDay.

My DDay was fairly recent so they are still together. I'm trying not to focus on whether they will make it or not. Just worrying about my kids.


Me: BW
DDay #1 Tried R
DDAY #2 Divorcing

Burn everything love then burn the ashes.


Posts: 247 | Registered: Jun 2008
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Ex tried to stay with me and wanted me to be OK with the AP being in his life.

I kicked him out and he immediately *TRIED* (emphasis on the word TRIED) to get his AP to take my place. He was staying at a hotel from the night I kicked him out until he found an apartment 2 weeks later. He asked her to move in with him when he found a place and she (smartly) ran for the hills as she made it pretty clear that what they had wasn't serious and even instructed Ex to work on our relationship.

So to make a long answer short..if the seriousness of the relationship between AP and Ex wasn't a figment of Ex's imagination, the answer would have been "almost immediately."


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

There was a lot involved because OW was a family member who was on an extended visit with us. I kicked her out immediately and the only place she had to go was xSIL. xSIL did not want the whore in her house either, so 2 weeks after dday xSIL rented an apt for X and told him that he was moving out with whore.

There was a lot of back and forth with X after that. I got whore a plane ticket and sent her back to her home country but she is like a freaking boomerang and she just kept coming back. I finally filed for D 1 year to the date of dday. I have been D almost 7 years. X and OW eventually got M but then broke up after a year or reality. X lost his job and has been perpetually unemployed and he was living with xSIL for about a year. Well, she did not want him living in her house either so she bought him a plane ticket and sent him to live with OW in another country. So OW is stuck with an unemployed moocher. Better her than me! Meanwhile, I dug myself out of debt, I am paying down my house, and I just got a raise ... that I DON'T have to share with loser X!


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17688 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
hoya96
Member
Member # 28851
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

He moved out a little less than 4 months after the first Dday (previous affair).

I had the 2nd Dday (the AP he was really leaving for) one week after he moved out.

They insisted they were not still together for 4 months after Dday, but I now believe that was simply to buy time in hopes the (6 - my 3 and her 3) kids would not put the puzzle pieces together.

They began officially "dating" (party line to the kids) 4 months after he moved out/Dday.

They were married 21 months after Dday. I believe it took that long only because her divorce was incredibly complicated and not finalized for many months after mine.


Me: 40 and fabulous!
3 children ages 10, 12 and 14
Ex said he wanted separation 2/14/10
DDay #1: 5/23/10 18 month affair with his 22 yr old paralegal
DDay #2 9/22/10 my best friend, now his wife
Divorced: 12/10/10
Re-married a wonderful man.

Posts: 329 | Registered: Jun 2010
Grace and Flowers
Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

He never stopped the affair, just took it underground. He left 3.5 months after D Day. We divorced immediately. They are still together...they have been seeing each other for at least two years. They don't live together, but they still do work together.

I saw him recently and asked him if he was happy, and if it was worth it, and he said, "No."


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1176 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

My XH moved out on March 30. I'm fairly certain he moved in with the OW, but he never admitted it.

DDay was April 3. (He came back for clean clothes, and to leave me his dirty laundry.)

I had suspected something was up before that, but he gaslighted and left the house because we had a fight about it, and I was "acting crazy" and he "realized our marriage was a mistake"

ETA: the status of our relationship is blissfully divorced

ETA: just realized you were asking about their relationship, I have no idea, but a friend told me 3-4 months ago that she thinks they're still together (2.5 years later).

[This message edited by Amazonia at 7:48 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
sunshine226
Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

the day I found a text on his cell he sent his OW, i told him to get the f**k out, he stayed at his cousins that night, one that knew and kept it from me, classy guy!!! And WH moved in with OW the next day, but spent 14 months going back and forth between us, until I told him I had enough, its been almost 5 months since then, he came here once in July and spent the night (on the sofa, although OW thinks he slept on the sofa in our shed, lol)

He is STILL saying he's trying to find a way out, loves me, wishes it didnt happen, wants to be with me

He and OW are still together, she is pretending all is well

[This message edited by sunshine226 at 4:16 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Three weeks. We were living apart because of work and, because of the time difference, I had been talking to him when it was still relatively early where he was. I'm pretty sure that he was spending the night at her place (and I know she spent some time at ours) in the evenings. When he was raging at me during DDay#2 he told me that the time difference "freed [his] evenings up to be with her."

I assume that they are living together now, but we have been NC since DDay#2. Our lease was up in July, so it was the perfect time to make the change. He also took himself off of our friends and family plan around the same time.

The last time I talked to him he told me that he wasn't replacing me with her, but he also said that he might begin formally dating her "6 mos from now"... conveniently when all of the D will likely be final.

And they still work together. Particularly with the distance, I never stood a chance.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Ha, mine left before Dday, but didn't move in with MOW. He rented an apartment and the affair stayed underground. Lots of denial and gaslighting going on as to why he moved out (serious health issues involved). MOW's adult daughter called me and spilled the beans on New Year's Eve. Happy new year to me. Their grand plan was to wait for 6 months after he moved out, then she would leave her BS and it would be like a fairy tale where they just happened to meet and instantly fall in love and everyone would be so happy for them and their grand love story. Fuckwits. They are still living together.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5297 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Immediately.... Although his AP didn't know I existed. They aren't together any more and he blew his life up for her. He is slowly coming around but hasn't made any formal declarations about trying to work things out with me.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

My first H left about two weeks after D-day, to move in with her. I must add here though, if I would have shown the remotest sign I might give him yet another chance, he might have taken me up on it. I filed for a D two days after that D-day and only allowed him to sleep on the couch until he "Found some place." He didn't seem to be looking too hard and one night at 1:00 AM, he was blabbing to OW on what I considered by then be MY PHONE (it was 1992, landlines only...)

I got mad an told him to get out and he did.

He married her after a couple of years (but should I mention after we were fully divorced, he still asked if there was any chance I'd give him another chance...and I said no....) Then he married her. Would suck to be her, wouldn't it? Well I have gotten to watch the trainwreck because we have three kids together and I know more about their lives than I would ever really want to know.

So he has been married to her for over 20 years now.


Posts: 5760 | Registered: Apr 2006
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

We attempted to reconcile for about 6 months...when I discovered he was still in contact with AP.

My understanding is they dated another year...then my ex cheated on him with his current partner.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

I left for 2 weeks 10 days after DD. Spent another 10 weeks gone for the next 5 months, officially left 6 months after DD.

OW apparently was sleeping over right at the first DD. Class act, all the way.

I NC'd XH 5 months after leaving. I've heard they break up alot. I've heard XH whining about wanting to R. I've heard XH is cheating on OW. That one I actually do believe.

Bitch wanted my place; now she's got it.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Immediately. He walked out on the children and I ~ without even saying goodbye or anything to the kids.

Status of their relationship? Don't know and don't care.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

I left him after waiting far too long for him to pull his head out of his ass. He wanted a wife and a girlfriend--that was never going to happen


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20292 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Sparkles
Member
Member # 39901
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Immediately. He walked out on the children and I ~ without even saying goodbye or anything to the kids.
Status of their relationship? Don't know and don't care.

Mine too. Kids have seen him once in 4 months and no visit in sight. Nice for me, sucks for them.


Posts: 138 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: NW
areyoukidding
Member
Member # 30528
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

STBX took off the very next day. The first week he was gone, he stayed a couple of nights with a friend. He was booted out from there and then he slept in his truck at work for a couple of nights. But it wasn't long after, that he moved into the "haven". On DDay I found a lurve letter from Skankie Pants to my STBX encouraging him to leave me for her and move to the "haven" she created for them. The "haven" was a 750 sq ft low-income housing unit in bad shape in a undesirable part of town with her 3 kids, two dogs and a cat.

He is still with OW but I've heard that she keeps him on a tight leash. I guess because she knows he's capable of cheating. He's in debt up to his eyeballs, maxed out his credit cards,and is trying to borrow money from anyone and everyone. He says he has no cash but has managed to scrounge up enough dough to secretly buy a project car to work on. Skanky Pants doesn't know about it and he's hiding it at his place of work. I've also heard that he misses the "old gang". Poor butter bean...no friends, no money, no freedom, no authenticity in his life...aaawww......how's that workin' for ya?"


BS (me) : 53 Freshly divorced and so very happy. To infinity and beyond!!


Trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the number 9.


Posts: 626 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Canada
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

She left the next day. Moved in with him. She had met him a week and a half earlier.

We're divorced. She has made a few pitiful efforts to be friends. I'd rather make out with a septic tank.


Posts: 1736 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

DD OWUglyIndian lives in London. She dumped him after a few weeks.

Then I was stupid enough to go into False R.

That lasted 3m then 20 weeks after S this 40 y/o loser told me he was ready to introduce 24 year old office gopher/prior OW (I had no idea, I trusted her taste more than I trusted his fidelity) to my then 2 and almost 5 year olds as his GF.

AFAIK they are still together. I give it 2-5 years as that is his usual MO.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
debbysbaby
Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Immediately. Poopsmear never came home after dday. He and twatsmudge married immediately after the divorce. They're still together 8+ years later though it is rocky. They're both so dysfunctional I suspect they'll carry on this way for many more years.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 880 | Registered: Aug 2011
Griefstricken25
Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 12:44 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

He left the day after d-day. He would have left the day of, but I made him stay and he slept on the couch. I don't know what made me think I had ANY control at that point.

That was over 4 years ago and they are still together and, from all accounts, living happily ever after.

[This message edited by Griefstricken25 at 12:45 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Fooled Me Twice
Member
Member # 34824
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

EXWH left in Oct 2011 to move to a friends place that they were not using. (After we had just spent a week vacation with my family - he was on his phone a lot, I thought for work - little did I know!) This was because we were "having problems" and he told me it would only be for a few weeks at most. (My DD was not even a year old at this time and I was a stay at home mom).

I became increasingly suspicious by December. (Though we went to marriage counseling a few times he was not sure if he wanted to work on the marriage or not - was increasingly angry with me and picking fights etc)

He moved home in January bc the lease was up on the apt and the friend was not renewing - he considered leasing it himself month to month but in the end came home.

Literally the next morning I found the receipts where he was taking OW out for dates.

Within 2 hours I packed mine and DD's stuff up and left to be with family.

He moved in with her at her condo in March and they just bought a sfh together in June.

[This message edited by Fooled Me Twice at 6:43 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]


ME: BS 33 (now 34)
HIM: WS 33 (now 35)
OW: 22, howorker (now 24)
July 2007: Porn found on computer along with profiles on dating websites.
DDay: January 16, 2012 - suspicious since Dec 2011
Divorced: June 11, 2013

Posts: 209 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Here and There
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

After almost 18 months of trying to reconcile (yeah, I know, wtf was I thinking??). I told him I was done. He moved out shortly thereafter (a week or so?). He's currently introducing the first AP I knew about as his "new girlfriend", and as she informed me via text, they ARE going to be together and they ARE going to be happy, I just need to learn to be mature about it.

I don't think he maintained contact with her after I confronted him in either 2004 or 2005. But he knew she was easy and he could get his wick dipped, so why not her. She's as good a hole as any, right??

So, I don't know that he technically left for her. Hell, he didn't technically leave, I kicked him out !


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Linus1968
Member
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

My WW called divorce, then the next day told me about an affair (found out later about another). 6 weeks later, a man was hanging out with WW and my kids. I think he was around before the break up, but...hell, who knows, and honestly, who cares.
Anyway, they started living together on the weekends I had the kids, then got pregnant, then it turned full time.
Still trying to get paperwork, but still married. Going for a lawyer next. Need money now. Man, this pisses me off.
Sorry about the tangent.

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact


Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 16, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 241 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Hell, and my X is the mayor (FL)
crazynot
Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

9 months... some of which was hellish false R pretence... since then, three months of hell, then I decided to make a fresh start. Yesterday was our 28th wedding anniversary and we spent it together with our son. I don't love him any more but I have great affection for him. He IS with OW, who I really believe, in spite of all our years together, is his soul-mate. And I have found mine.

I suspect what you were hoping to hear here was that affairs always end in breakups... but they don't. It would be much easier for my grownup kids if WH would split with OW (who they knew, and will have nothing to do with)... but it's not going to happen, I think.

Sometimes them leaving is the best thing because it FORCES you to turn your heart away from them...

There's a future out there, there really is.


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 874 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

He left on Dday.

They lasted 3 weeks.

She then dumped him when he hesitated and considered R. She was sleeping with another guy within 2 weeks. He was devastated, poor thing.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4135 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
dindy
Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

We separated a few weeks after DDay and false R. I have no idea whether the A is still going on or not. Ex says it isn't but I understandably don't believe anything he says.

Me: BS 35
Him: WS 35
DS 3.5
DD 16 months
DDay 27/01/2013
False R 04/02/2013
S 20/02/2013
EA turned PA sometime before Feb 2012


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
luv2swim
Member
Member # 13154
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

Dday was the date he moved in with OW. They have been together now for over 7 years. They married about 18 months after our divorce.


Me: BS
Him: NPD WS
Married 24 years
incredible kids
D day: 2006 ... he left to live with OW.
Divorced: 2009
WS + OW: Married 2011

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: US
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

He moved out one night blaming me (I was clueless about A at this time). I grew suspicious but couldn't figure out the "who". Was finally told it was my FRIEND by someone who saw them together!

I immed offered him 24 hours to come clean, get counseling, etc. He gaslighted, I filed and it shocked the HELL out of him when he was served!!!! still laugh about it!

They are together now - 18 months after d day,, but my source tells me that they have heard she is miserable, thinks my XWH is an idiot (I agree with her), and she never stopped sleeping with another married man that she's been with since April of 2010!!!


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2216 | Registered: Jan 2012
foxglove
Member
Member # 21791
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

We attempted to reconcile for about 2 months after dday when I found out about continued contact with OW. I filed for divorce and he continued to go back and forth between my house and hers. He would live at my house during the week and go and spend weekends with her. After the divorce was final, he moved in with her.

They were together for 4 years, but not happy years, because, of course, she was bat shit crazy and kept him on a very short leash.


Me (BS)47
XH (WS)53
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two sons 21 and 23 in college

Posts: 1462 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
TXBW68
Member
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

He left 3 weeks after I found out about #4 but we were not trying to R during that time. He wanted to stay until school was out in June. I couldn't stand it that long so he left.

That was April 29th. They continued their long-distance thing until September. They only physically saw each other for one business week in July. He told me that the break-up was mutual. She started the conversation and he finished it. He had realized that it was all fantasy bullshit.

We started dating again in November but I wasn't told about the break-up timeline/details until December. He moved home in February after a 10 month separation. We are solidly in R.


Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
Whalers11
Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

He left 10 days after Dday. I thought it was temporary, but he never came back. Left all his stuff here and ran away like a coward. Turns out OW was pregnant and he wanted to be with her.

He moved in with her. They lasted until right after the baby's first birthday. She kicked him out. That was almost 2 years ago.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2260 | Registered: Feb 2010
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

Nearly Exh was already living with AP prior to Dday.

He abandoned us before we knew about Floozy and tried to hide her and make it about the marriage, how awful I was, instead of the cheating. He rewrites the events and things in his mind, but many people find strong disagreement with his views and even there are pictures showing him differently than his descriptions. Coping mechanism?

He also worked hard to not get caught, but it was Floozy herself who outed him. It was a little weird because he kept his life with her secret but didn't return home, prolonging the agony until outside sources (relatives) changed the course of what was to be.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2289 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Feeling Consumed
Member
Member # 30592
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

Kicked him out on dday 2.5 years ago and he never looked back. They both made off like they just started dating AFTER they were separated from their spouses, but uhhhhhh - so not true. They were having a co-worker EA for years, maybe even PA. They just bought a house together as joint tenants, not married though.


Spent half my life with an Ahole
D final!!! 11-11

"Obladi oblada life goes on...."


Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Wisconsin
FieldsOfLavender
Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

Ex tried to stay with me and wanted me to be OK with the AP being in his life.

At the beginning, he said she was just a friend and he wanted to keep the status quo - a stable family at home and a whore on sexchat call with dinner and movies on Friday nights.

It took 13 months after I confronted stbx fucker before he moved out. We signed the separation agreement in June which he had backdated to March. Whore is due in early 2014.


Posts: 198 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
allatsea
Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 1:57 AM, August 12th (Monday)

I moved to my Dads house to give her 'space to think' two days after D day. 5 weeks later I realised I was being played and moved back in. She moved in with him and took my kids one week later. She now won't even talk to me.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 721 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
MelisssaZZZ
Member
Member # 25953
Default  Posted: 4:41 AM, August 12th (Monday)

well, DD was march 2009. we (or more precisely I) tried to reconcile for year and a half.

i kicked him out (as clearly he was not reconciling, i was still terrible and he was missing her and once in a while they were in contact) in jan 2011.

they are fully together since then and are happy (accoording to him).

he was hiding the fact they were together for a long time, but not anymore.

so, yes they sometimes do stay together and sometimes are happy.


Me BS - 37
WH 39
1 child - 5yrs
married 5 yrs, together 7
DD1 midmarch 09
DD2 early june 09
some more DD's of course - cannot bother to list
LTA (2 yrs) fully?? finished mid Aug 09
Status: Divorced Oct 2011

Posts: 1235 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: London, UK
Douchebagfree
Member
Member # 39267
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, August 12th (Monday)

Immediately. I asked him to move out the first week in Nov. He went back to living in his parents basement and she started coming over 2 weeks later. She recently gave birth to their baby.

He still claims that nothing was going on while we were together


Sometimes you have to stand alone, just to make sure you still can.

Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Canada
Lola2kids
Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, August 12th (Monday)

He moved out 5 months after Dday. Sept. 11, 2011 (the 10th anniversary of 911).
He never even tried to take the A underground. He flaunted it during in house separation.
He now says that I was the one that kicked him out of the house. (He said that I was too much into "his business").
After 2 years since the A started he finally convinced MOW to become DOW (her divorce was final in record time). Days after her divorce was final (as far as I know she's divorced, I have no proof.) Now they are engaged.
She lives in Europe and he is here in Canada. The marriage is so that either can move to the other's country. So far he says they don't know what they will do and it may take 2 years to marry.
My DD told me he is going to Italy on vacation and every time I see him lately I am looking at the ring finger on his left hand. That is likely the only way I will know if he actually marries her.
I guess it's going to be a long distance marriage. And we know how affairs start right?


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1422 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
million pieces
Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, August 12th (Monday)

Well, according to credit card records, he was planning on leaving the night he told me. But there was a massive snowstorm so he couldn't make it to the hotel/lovenest they had reserved. He officially moved out ~ 3weeks later after 1 week of NC/R and then after I discovered they had resumed their contact (physically).


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, August 12th (Monday)

Eight days. And only because it took that long for him to find a new place. He couldn't simply move in with her because she was living with her parents (at 46 years old)... having lost her rental house when she did some jail time last year not long before the A started.

It was lovely... Everyday after work he would go pick her up and they would have dinner out and house-hunt together, then he would drop her back to her parents and "come home" to me and his son who lived with us.

We lived one week like this and every minute of it was hell. On the eighth morning he rented a truck and moved out.

That was nearly four months ago and they are still living together: him, OW, OW's two grown children 19 and 22, and his poor son who turns 18 next month and is literally counting the hours until he can move out.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 919 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, August 12th (Monday)

We separated on D-day. A week later he told me that he was no longer with OW but he still wasn't coming back because he wasn't happy and he wouldn't tell me who OW was either. Bull shit. They never broke up. He started going out in the open with her and MY KIDS about 6 or 7 months after d-day. Once I found out about her (through my kids) I told everyone and their mama. She was a teacher at my children's school so it didn't look too good for her career, plus all her co-workers knew. I also called her husband.

Three months later she broke up with him.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
cdagal
Member
Member # 38154
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

On Dday, after he confirmed that he had slept with her during his European vacation (from which he had just returned, I told him the marriage was over.He moved into the spare bedroom that day. We lived under the same roof for 5 awful months - she lived in Europe so he would spend all night on the computer with her. I moved out January 1 (happy new year indeed!)because he wasn't willing to move out soon enough - I was done with this shit.
Divorce was signed by the court on December 12, had to wait 31 days to be final, then he married her 5 days after that. They're going strong by all accounts.
ETA Ran into him by accident a couple of weeks ago. First time in 18 months. He kept on saying how great I looked. Yeah, jackass, I do, don't I


M - 25 yrs
DDay - August 5, 2010
Divorced - December 12, 2011
He married the OW 35 days later
"Fall seven times, stand up eight" - Japanese proverb

Posts: 78 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
scrambled2
New Member
Member # 38901
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Ok - told the speech but found out about OW 3 days later. Told me she had nothing to do with it he was going anyway. How convenient he had her lined up.
They had a 6 wk relationship versus our 26 yrs together & plus our 2 children DD 10 & DS 7.
Told me "I have always put others first & now about me & my happiness". Told him go, have a good life because they REALLY deserve each other. He went to Australia to have holiday with her. They decide in "love" 2 wks later she comes to my country to live. She brings 14 yr daughter & leaves her 12 yr old daughter with dad. She is divorced, 45 & no assets. Her husband had 3 affairs on her.....she felt bad for hurting me and wanted to make sure I knew that....Bless her the little trollop! Told the Ex don't care what she thinks as she is insignificant to me. He thought I was mean!!

He moved in with her 4 weeks later. One big blended family. He told my children she is their step-mum & they need to accept this. In my country need to be separated min 2 yrs b4 divorce so I still have 16 mths to go. Also they are now buying a house together. They tell everyone that cares to listen that they are 1 big happy family. One word...delusional!

Peace everyone


Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013
NGFinishLast
New Member
Member # 38233
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Same day.

I confronted her and she swore they were in love. Later that night she left a dozen voicemails on my phone of just her screaming and crying. I went home and ignored the "I'm an idiot. I love you. I'm sorry" crap. I knew what happened. I took her phone and checked her texts.

She told him I was out of the picture and he quickly reneged on everything saying that she misunderstood their situation. He brought up our daughter, his refusal to break up a family and then told her she needed to get me back. She asked for tips, and he suggested she break down in front of me.

I was done. According to my old cell records they kept talking for about a month after that. She cut him off after he tried to con her out of a large sum of money due to some made-up personal hardship.



D-Day: January 2013
Me, BH: 31
Her, WW: 31
Married 10 years
Kids: Daughter, 3
Divorced: Sep 2013

Posts: 46 | Registered: Jan 2013
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

My situation was a little different. STBX asked for a divorce out of the blue after a business trip. After he refused to go to MC or work on the marriage at all (he was also gaslighting me like crazy when I would ask if he was having an A) we started making arrangements for him to move out.

I then discovered the A, which I had suspected all along. He was already in the process of looking for a place, but I kicked him out that night. He briefly stayed with a friend and then got an apartment. OW lived in another state, but he has now moved her to our city and they just rented a house together.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 924 | Registered: Mar 2013
allfalldown
Member
Member # 39324
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Wow! Thank you for all the responses. I am blown away.

I found apartment hunting history in the browser. I suspect that a move will be in his near future.

Dday was 3 months ago.


Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"


Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
katiesmom
Member
Member # 39074
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

Immediately. It never really was a secret, because I knew of their "friendship" for months before he left. They were planning their lives together and all they had to do was to get rid of their pesky spouses.

The day he moved out, he moved into his mom's apartment, and talked to OW every night. Of course, he also saw her every day at work.

Our divorce was final five months after he left, he then moved in with OW, and married her three months after the divorce was final.

The whole thing was planned to work that way. He would move into his mom's apartment temporarily until the divorce was final, because he knew the slut had a nice big house, complete with a hot tub, waiting for him. She managed to get rid of her husband and divorce him a few months before my ex left me, so the timing was perfect. Why, the douchebag didn't have to worry about a place to live at all! He had a wonderful, fully furnished love nest waiting for him.


Posts: 70 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Kentucky
lost4now
Member
Member # 21634
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

I experienced five years of false R and 5 ddays. I asked him for a divorce on January 6 of this year. He begged, pleaded and threw up many times wanting me to change my mind. He told our daughters he would do everything in his power to win me back. Within three weeks of him being in his new apartment he was talking to his AP of five years and taking her out for lunch!!!

I don't know how he thought this would win me back!!! LOL You just gotta laugh at the stupidity!!!!

I made the right decision!


BS - ME 43
WH 44
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"

Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
Dadtryingtocope
Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

Dday was almost exactly a year ago (tomorrow). We tried to R for one month but she kept running back over to him so I pulled the plug on everything. She was out at that point. D was final in about 9 months. They were engaged a month after that. I hear the marriage is next month, less than a year from when I filed for D.


BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 9)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 560 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
josie11
Member
Member # 31648
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, August 16th (Friday)

WH gave me the ILYBINILWY speech and then moved out when he rented his own place two weeks later. In the meantime, I had to pretend that nothing was wrong in front of our two children, at his request. He didn't want to tell the children anything until the day he moved out. It was agony for me; I kept hiding and crying.

In those two weeks, I also found out about OW--I did some digging. In the two weeks it took him to rent a place and move out, that OW was history and OW2 was already installed in his apartment. I had no idea of the true situation, however, when I let my children go visit him there.

He married OW2 about a month after the divorce was final.


BS: me
XWH: Dead to me, after spending half our lives together
2 teenagers
"I get it now; I didn't get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible... and enjoying everything in between."-Mia Farrow

Posts: 395 | Registered: Mar 2011
myheadreallyhurt
Member
Member # 36424
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, August 16th (Friday)

We had false R for about 4 or 5 months. Then he moved for a "business opportunity" which was really to be with her. Bliss lasted about 1 week for him...


"See that no one repays another evil with evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another"

Posts: 133 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 55