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Just Found Out
User Topic: I don't even want to talk with him
Walking
Member
Member # 40102
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

So I just found out a few weeks ago about my spouse's physical affair and I find myself not even wanting to talk with my wayward spouse. As he is residing elsewhere its pretty easy. I guess when I read others' posts it seems like people are communicating. Is anyone else having no contact at all and for those that started that way how long did it go on and what precipitated the start of discussion? I should clarify on dday my husband said he was sorry, sort of in a lame way like he was sorry he forgot to pick up milk. He also said he did not want a divorce. Since then silence.

[This message edited by Walking at 3:17 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


Posts: 57 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Midwest
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Mine did the same. We were also living apart at the time (and still are). He told me about the A about a week before I was moving back home. We probably had, in total, about 5 conversations over the phone and Skype after DDay. He had promised me he was going to NC the OW while we figured out what to do and then, in our last convo, I found out he took the A underground. I had told him if he did that I would S from him, so I told him I wanted NC for two months.

I'm now approaching month 3 (in a couple of days) and I haven't heard from him since. He cancelled a flight to see me without saying anything (i got the email from the airline because it had been booked with my miles). Our only contact was FB in which he was manically posting passive aggressive crap that seemed directed at me, so I unfriended him. Once I did that he took himself off of our phone plan. Our lease was up in July and I assumed he moved, but he sent me no forwarding info. My birthday and his MIl's bday came and went and nothing.

Before I met him he broke off an engagement and never talked to the woman again, so he's rehearsed at the cut and run. I like to assume our M meant more to him, but then if it did, he wouldn't have had an A.

At this point I'm assuming that's it and I'm not going to hear from him again. There are no kids and we had separate accounts, so there are only insurance things, college funds and loans that we need to work out and that doesn't require us being in contact (that's why there are L!).

We have some major milestones coming up in the next three months that could conceivably bring him out of the woodwork, depending on how things are going with him. We are also in the same field and have an annual professional conference coming up and he was still debating whether to attend it last time we spoke, so it's possible I could see him there.

But after this much time of NC, I'm okay with not talking again. I don't want any new hurts and I've stopped being curious about what he's doing, if he's still with OW or not. Unless he were going to reach out to me and our friends and family to apologize for being a shit and hurting all of us, NC is a blessing.

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 3:31 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
burnt_toast
Member
Member # 16891
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

Hello Walking, I'm sorry you are here but glad you found us.

Your need for no contact (NC) is totally legitimate. Right now, you are in a state where you cannot take care of both you and your WH and your M. NC is a good way to take care of yourself until you are ready to move to the nexte step.

We often advise fresh BS not to take any hasty decisions and to try to take care of themselves before trying to fix the WH and the M. So it seems to me you are following your gut and listening to your needs. It's a good thing!

One day at a time, sweety.

[This message edited by burnt_toast at 4:40 PM, August 10th (Saturday)]


It is what it is.

Posts: 4709 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Quelque part
Walking
Member
Member # 40102
Default  Posted: 5:31 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

Thanks for the feedback.

Posts: 57 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Midwest
sleepless34
Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

I do not want to talk either. We have texted. I called him once to let my rage out and listen to him sob. I communicate via text about the kids. I can't imagine ever talking to him without either 1) throwing up 2) punching him in the face 3) crying. I can not imagine working on M. I can not imagine any forgiveness ever. He seems so weak and broken I deserve a lot better than that.

BS 40ish
WH 40ish
2 kids
Dday 1 week ago


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
AStar
Member
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, August 12th (Monday)

Consider yourself lucky. I live with my WH and I wish I could kick him out. (Its complicated... ) I hate him. Doing 180 but he thinks I am over the affair. Stupid idiot!
I wish I could just get him out of my life. I hate him!!
He smiles and talks and all I do is respond to what is necessary. I would do anything to have him out of my sight and presence. Talk about personal hell!


Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
Topic Posts: 6