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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: DD met OW
abigailadams
Member
Member # 37556
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

It had to happen. and finally yesterday it did. My DD, 8, met the OW. and DD seems fine with it. I tried not to ask her 500 questions and to be casual about it when she mentioned it.

I am hurting. My rational mind knows it is best for DD to like the OW and for them to get along. It isn't really the OW that broke up our family. It is my stbx and I have to keep chanting like a mantra that he is my DD's father and she needs him.


Me BS 54
Him WS 51
Married 10 years together 13
DDay October 11, 2012

Posts: 134 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Brooklyn, NY
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

I am so so sorry. You are not divorced yet, right? Why does your stbx think it is appropriate to introduce DD to girlfriend? Yes, it is better if DD to like OW but couldn't it have waited until you two are divorced. I am so sorry that you are hurting.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2270 | Registered: Oct 2012
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

I wanted to ask lots of questions, too and my counselor said no. She was right, because now I am getting a free flow of information!


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2206 | Registered: Jan 2012
abigailadams
Member
Member # 37556
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

No we are not divorced yet. I would say we are at least 6 to 9 months from that. esp given how long it takes to negotiate with a PA.

And I am glad to hear that not asking a lot of questions might result in a better flow of information in the future.

I have in general been feeling much better and even able to concentrate on work for long stretches but today when my suspicions were confirmed I have had a bit of a relapse.


Me BS 54
Him WS 51
Married 10 years together 13
DDay October 11, 2012

Posts: 134 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Brooklyn, NY
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

I know how you feel.

Just take it one day, one moment, one whatever you need at a time. It's gotten easier for me, but I still have my setbacks. See my post below. I don't know what sort of crazy they have in store for me, but I keep telling myself how lucky I am in many ways and that even though my XWH and his Owife are terrible role models, at least they're not abusing my kids, and my kids have me.

This totally sucks, but at least when you're here, you know you're not alone.

(((abigailadams)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

It won't always hurt this bad. I still want to puke when my girls say her name but I no longer feel that keening pain.

The only thing worse than that whore being around my precious girls is someone being unkind to them.

It is absolutely right not to drill the kids about anything.

My 5 year old started telling me stuff about the sad clown completely unsolicited. Some of it was bad. When I asked her if it was true she admitted it wasn't. When I asked why she would tell me something that wasn't true she said she thought it would make me happy.

I asked if she told her dad untrue stories about me and she said she did. When I asked her why she said because he always asked her "Did mum smack you?", "Did mum shout at you?", "Did mum give you dinner?" - she told him lies because it made him happy.

It broke my heart into a million pieces.

I told her it made me sad to hear lies, not happy. Imagine if I told her she could have icecream - that would make her happy, right? Now if I lied about it that would make her sad. She seemed to understand that and the stories have stopped - at least to me.

She also told me she told her IC that I had shouted at her (it was true) and asked me if I was mad. I said no - its true, I will never be mad at her telling the truth. She said she didn't tell IC that daddy shouts/smacks her because he would be mad.

That is my very long-winded way of saying don't put your daughter in this position. It breaks their trust and messes them up.

The sad clown is showing my daughter that she cannot trust him and that the truth will make him mad.

Father of the year, no? Fuckturd.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
abigailadams
Member
Member # 37556
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

I am so grateful for SI. I was able to let it go but only because I could post here.

I don't want to make it any worse for DD but the level of self-restraint is really hard. I certainly don't want her to think she has to tell me what I want to hear.

One of the things I hate most about divorce is how it has put all these things between me and DD and complicated our relationship.


Me BS 54
Him WS 51
Married 10 years together 13
DDay October 11, 2012

Posts: 134 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Brooklyn, NY
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, August 10th (Saturday)

StrongBB that breaks my heart! I worry all the time about what the Kids are telling the Dooosh about me. I've heard what he *thinks* is going on and much of it is untrue and fabricated. :(

In turn, I don't believe all the crap my son comes home and tells me about his dad either...

Abigail you did good. Hang in there!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3612 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
FieldsOfLavender
Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

No we are not divorced yet. I would say we are at least 6 to 9 months from that. esp given how long it takes to negotiate with a PA.

We are on a parallel universe. My dd is also 8 (will be in a week) and she just met pregnant whore today. I couldn't help myself but ask 500 questions. Maybe I only got to 100 questions, bc it was bed time.



Posts: 198 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
FieldsOfLavender
Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

StrongBB that breaks my heart! I worry all the time about what the Kids are telling the Dooosh about me. I've heard what he *thinks* is going on and much of it is untrue and fabricated. :(

My dd8 wrote to her father in a note card that she doesn't want to stay here with this monster (me) and that she should be able to choose where she lives. When she is with me, I see no stress and such strong dislike toward me.

dd is scheduled to meet with a counselor in less than 2 weeks. It seems like such a long 2 weeks.


Posts: 198 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

One of the things I hate most about divorce is how it has put all these things between me and DD and complicated our relationship.

Same here!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9821 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 11