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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Custody with WS who travels 80%
tennispro
New Member
Member # 39728
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

Hi,
WS and I have decided not to reconcile. Well, he wants me to WANT to but in reality he wants his fun and exciting new life and not the burden of an unhappy wife.
Also, I can't stay with a cheater.
Anyway, has anyone dealt with custody issues when one spouse (WS in our case) travels 80% of the year?
Even in the summers he travels so I have no idea how this will work out.
Thank you in advance.


Me: BS 44yo
Him: WS 42yo
Married 11yrs; together 16yr
Kids: 8yo and 3yo
Dday: June 26, 2013
Dday #2: July 22, 2013 - found out same woman and been going on since Dec 2012.
Starting the divorce process. Listing our home. Scared but hopeful.

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jul 2013
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

Big hugs

(((tennis)))

someone will come along with more experience here. I will tell you that in these types of situations, you can expect primary or sole physical custody and it means that he will likely have more financial responsibilities in terms of child care. These are all details you negotiate with your attorney.

I'm sorry that you're here.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

My ex traveled a great deal. He insisted that he often had to go traveling on business at a moment's notice (yeah, right ). So our agreement had a 48 hours notice when he could not take his weekly visitation. He took a lot of advantage of this, but I enjoyed the extra time with my kids.

One thing I would put in the agreement would be that "visitation" would not happen when he was not present. I found out that after he moved in with Twat-Waffle that he would insist on the kids being there for "visitation" when he was out of town. This I had real issues with--they were not married and I felt that if he was not going to be present, they would be with their PARENT.

I assume since he has always traveled, you have the kind of flexibility you need to deal with that?

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29666 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, August 11th (Sunday)

In my state, child support is based on 109 overnights, so you would probably want to ask for more than the standard child support.

Also, XWH demanded he have the first right of refusal if I had to work more than 4 hours, he got the children. OOPS,, he didn't realize it worked the other way, too. So, when he went to work and left child with OW, he had to go and get my child, as I am worried sick she is going to harm my children.

Also I learned anything basically is OK as long as you both agree. So try to think of what works best for you... You won't have set dates, except possibly holidays. And if your children are young and you want them for Halloween, be sure to add this holiday.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2215 | Registered: Jan 2012
nomistakeaboutit
Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

Give him 3 weekends a month and ask for right of first refusal if he can't make it to any of his assigned weekends.

Work from the basic concept that children need consistency and predictability, not visits at the convenience of a parent who travels 80% of the time.


Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 955 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
ninebark
Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, August 12th (Monday)

It all depends on how well you get along.

My exH works out of province three weeks out of the month, so DS lives with me 100% of the time.

Rather than try to stick to our origional agreement which was he got DS every second weekend and access during the week, we just left it wide open for him to do what he wants with DS while he is home. Unless I had something planned I try to keep that week free and open for DS and his dad. He is also entitled to two weeks over the summer should he choose, but for the most part he can't.

He has indicated he wants to take him this march break, which works for me.

He has been good at calling in advance and asking if we had any plans and then letting me know what he wants to do. It has been very successful.

If you are both open to working together to make things work smoothly for your child or children then it can be done. I hope you find what works for you.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 6