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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: not that confirmation is needed
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

There have been posts on the ex being late to pick up the kids. Seems it is a common theme.

Stretch asked for an additional day with the boys in honor of his birthday.

Having set the alarm, dragged sleepy boys out of bed this morning to be ready for pick up.......... care to guess what happened next?

eh, too easy right?

He was late. No call. No text. No apology. ONE HOUR LATE.

I need to find a way to make sure that the boys understand that this is HIS failure and not a reflection of their importance.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5864 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

Oh FFS.

I like my plan better. I live in a secure apartment so he wouldn't be able to get in if he missed his window without informing me of a delay.

I haven't quite worked out what I would tell the girls though. That there is the hole in my plan.

Unfortunately it is both his failure and a reflection of their importance to him. Its not your job to clean this up mess for him. I know it goes against your protective instinct as much it does mine but sugar coating this for them won't be to their benefit in the long run.

They need to know they are important, absolutely. They need to know that the failure is his, absolutely. You need to try to do that without minimising the shitty things he is doing.

If it is a one off - so be it, people are late. They will learn that it happens sometimes. If it is regularly then.... I'd be inclined to not agree to any further changes without specifying that if he is more than 15m late without notice he is to consider the additional day deal off the table.

I'm a newbie at this and my girls are very little. I'll be reading the (perhaps more reasonable/viable) responses here.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 3:26 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5619 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

It happens all the time! I think this particular time was more "difficult" because exchanges are usually done in the evenings. My guys are not morning people.

They also weren't particularly wanting to go today. Summer is winding down rapidly, and they are getting protective of their time. So having "sucked it up" to keep the peace and meet HIS wishes for HIS birthday, to get met with inconsiderate disrespect by way of the clock?

I really can't answer if this happens because he is so self centered and he just doesn't see or care that other people are inconvenienced. Or if he does it on purpose as a way of exerting some small measure of power. I am quite sure he enjoys being waited on. In every sense of the word.

I am not put out. I am not upset. This has become routine. I just don't want the message my kids receive to become something about them.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5864 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
rainagain
Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

Of course it was HIS bday that needed honoring. No surprise there.

Being late and not calling is selfish and lazy (not always I know but in this case b/c I feel like I strangely know Stretch).

Maybe if these qualities are noticed rather than feeling neglected the kids may feel angry/annoyed?


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1298 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

rain!!

I am sorry you feel so familiar with Stretch... but you are a good friend.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5864 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

What a dick.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9860 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, August 11th (Sunday)

((((cg's boys))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25849 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 7