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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: My summer vent....
trebleclef
Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, August 12th (Monday)

Spent the last week at our church family camp - a tradition forever. Took the grandkidlets and tried to avoid now-XWH who decided to bring his trailer and made a show of being there. In the thirty years I took our kids- he only made appearances. Someone actually mentioned to me how sweet it was that he was there beforehand "fixing up the campsite" for me. I wanted to say "he wasn't fixing it up for my benefit, it was for YOURS" because it's all about appearances with him. He made very public displays of enthusiasm and affection for the grandkids- when just last week my DIL was livid because he utterly ignored them at the playground at home. Did not even speak to our son. Now he's emailing me all friendly - hopes camp was great for me ( woulda been better without YOU there!) , and was lonely and missing me and "us" at camp.
Really - shoulda thought of that before destroying our lives.
This camp is triggery for me anyway because we met there 43 years ago as camp staff and actually got married there. It was "our" place -even in the minds of others. I don't want to give up something that has meant so much to me my entire life (even pre-ex) but it's so hard to be there as it is and having him show up makes it worse. He wants to chat and "share"'the grandkids and play happy family. He sat down beside me yesterday and of course people came by to ask how "we"'were. - not realizing there is no longer a "we".

Interesting how the sermons dealt with God's grace when sin is confessed, repented of, and FORSAKEN. ( pretty sure OW wasn't interested in attending) But he only heard the speaker mentioning the "second chances" part. He was flabbergasted when my brothers wife who has not seen him in two years refused to hug him. His comment was "why can't bygones be bygones? I'm still your BIL". Um - because they are not BYGONE you idiot!! And you destroyed the life of someone they loved. Things will NEVER be the same- never.
He just does. Not. Get. It. ....still.

Ok. Enough venting- just had to get it off my chest. At 5:00 am lol.
Time to move on. Next stop- lawyer to make the earth move and get our endlessly delayed property settlement done and him out of our home.
Thanks for listening out there in SI land.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, August 12th (Monday)

The entitlement would drive me cra cra!! Bygones!???!!

Yeah- buhbye, now be gone! How's that for bygones!???


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3585 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, August 12th (Monday)

Entitlement is EXACTLY the word that came to my mind, too.

((((treble))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25376 | Registered: Aug 2011
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, August 12th (Monday)

That's cause we have great minds nik.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3585 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
trebleclef
Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, August 12th (Monday)

Thankyou you two for putting the precise word on it when it escaped me. One my IC used when she advised me to run, after meeting him. I had forgotten about that but you are exactly right. Both SILs and I were discussing it this week and shaking our heads at his merry audacity. An acquaintance made the comment, " I'm surprised he'd show his face here". He just expects nothing to have changed, and when people react HE is offended and it feeds his victimhood.
Entitlement- EXACTLY.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
Topic Posts: 5