Thank you for your honest post. There need to be more of them to be honest. As I approach our 1 year anniversary of Dday and our 25th anniversary of marriage I needed to read something like your story.
I do not know why I chose to stay and work. In the beginning it was probably because I hurt so damn bad and was so damn dysfunctional that there was really no other intelligent place for me to be. Then, as we slowly started moving through the hellish mountain of hurt and pain, I wondered often if I really did want to stay.
Once, about 5 months ago I was ready to leave and turned the tables on my H and said that I was no longer working towards R because he had stopped working to figure out just exactly why he had done this shellfish act. That was the wake up call he needed to realize that this journey was so much more about him then it was about me or us. yes I was willing to share in the situation that led to a weaker marriage but hell no was I going to take any responsibility for his actions now or ever.
My 1 year Dday anniversary scares the hell out of me. I don't know what to expect from him. I know I would like to write up new vows for us to pledge to our new future (R has been going well) but I am not sure he gets how important this is for me. Someone on here actually asked me if I was obsessing over this....did it really have to mean so much,
After 34 years of my life devoted to this marriage and the betterment of it I have to say definitely no I am not obsessing. I want to know how he is committed to the next chapter in our lives and what not a better day them 1 year after the bomb fell and nearly shattered us.
I too know now that one day I will be able to have the same experience you typed about after 4 years. I get small glimpses of it already but I know my deep subconscious is making damn sure the feelings on his side are for real first. No one needs to go through this hell to wind up in the same situation.
I have said from day 1 of this journey, it is better to have tried and failed then to not have tried at all and regretted. I can get over failure. Regret would have killed the happiness in the second half of my life.
Thanks for sharing
TMe: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!