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User Topic: do you ever wonder how many near misses u had
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, August 12th (Monday)

I don't know how in all this time my ew hasn't made a mistake or have I missed one and didn't know. He's never left a thing that I know of, no cards, no receipts, nada. My guesstimation.of the start of the A is a long time. ago. I confirmed by seeing ow# on cell phone bill almost 4.yrs ago. I suspected 3yrs before. I couldn't find anything. I've searched his truck, phone, boxes of his stuff in garage. How does someone carry on for so long and not leave a trail. Luckily I found web history that comes from an email acct I set up for him. So yea , 2 confirmations but nothing he's really left open. He's never sent me a text by accident while he's texting us both seconds apart.
I read so many posts where bs found something linking ws to A. I've found
what I did by diligently searching, except for web histor y, that was purely accidental.
Just makes me wonder if I've missed something or if he's just so damn sneaky that he's always a step ahead. I seriously am surprised that he's outsmarted me. I'm in a pondering mood today. Prob helps that ow isn't one that would try to tell me or others. Shes never called or written to me. I guess this is why it was so easy for me to bury my head when I wanted to block it out ...

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 4:23 PM, August 12th (Monday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4865 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
TrulySad
Member
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, August 12th (Monday)

I had many things I suspected, but my XWH always had a good and believable response. I never found proof of anything concrete. At the same time, I didn't want to spend my life searching. Eventually I learned the truths, and divorced him.

Now, in my current efed up relationship, I know my WBF is far more skilled in technology, and has the time to cover his tracks. So it kills me. I don't think I will ever believe him.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I can honestly relate.


Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.


Posts: 442 | Registered: Jun 2013
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, August 12th (Monday)

How does someone carry on for so long and not leave a trail.

1) Must be proficient at deception.
2) Uses work blackberry where there is no insight into phone bill.
3) Uses work computer.
4) Too cheap to buy anything for anyone or take anyone anywhere.

I also believe that my own inexperience with infidelity left me at a loss.
Sadly, I am SO MUCH SMARTER ~ I dare him to have an A and get away with it...Seriously, I DARE HIM!


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
RavenWood
Member
Member # 39847
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, August 12th (Monday)

How does someone carry on for so long and not leave a trail.

In my WW's case, the OM paid for everything: hotels, meals, etc. So there was no paper trail.
She did admit that she lived everyday in fear that she'd slip up or that I'd some how figure it out. But unfortunately with most of her time accounted for, and no paper trail it was well hidden.

[This message edited by RavenWood at 8:00 PM, August 12th (Monday)]


BS: Me (30s)
WW: Her (30s)
10 year marriage with 2 small children.
OM: Married coworker
Status: Divorced.
DDay: May 2013

Posts: 52 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: RavenWood
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Im someone who s mind kind of plays on coincidents, fate, what ifs. So I always wonder if I was 5 min behind a solid catch or if I looked left when I should have looked right. I went back over all the numbers he called for a whole summer and circled ones that I didn't recognize. There her # was with a red circle and a question mark. I remember thinking at the time I made the list, its right here and I don't know which one it is. He had a huge contact list so it was so hard to narrow it down. It was right in front of me but took almost a yr of jotting down patterns and matching before I knew it was her. Right in front of my eyes but didn't know. That kind of stuff just intrigues me I guess.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4865 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Honey, I actually talked to one on the phone!

In the years between that incident and my DDay where I finally faced reality there were dozens of clues I either missed or chose to overlook or ignore. In my gut I knew, but I couldn't admit it to myself.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9458 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 1:55 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

I can't even count how many times I handed my husband his cell when she was calling or textting and I never knew it. He had her listed as security and silly me I believed it was one of his security guys.

Posts: 626 | Registered: Jul 2013
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 2:00 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

My RWH used his work as his cover. I trusted him outright for 20 years of weekly travel. He took advantage of that. I couldn't search his work email and had no access to his cell phone or home email accounts.....but then again why would a trusting spouse need such things??????

What cooked his 4 year A goose was the new IPAD he bought so we could control all the new gadgets in our house. What he didn't realize was that, when he synced it to his cell phone it sync up to all of the above mentioned. I was then blessed with 100's of emails and text threads, pictures......pure and utter hell.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:14 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Oh Nature Girl..talked to her?
I was around ow a lot, just didn't know she was the one. Weird thing is my sister walked up on ws talking to ow at a game and she told me, I think its her. Body language..ow didn't know she was my sister and actually stepped in front of ws when my sister tried to say hi..like a, back off he's mine, kind of way. I told my sis, no way, she's not his type


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4865 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 2:21 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

My only near miss (which of course I found out about later when everything came into focus) was the night of my youngest sons senior dinner at his HS. Families are put together at tables in no particular order. We actually sat with the OW's family during the entire dinner!!! I had no idea at the time and was unsure why this woman kept looking at me during the program and dinner. She had that smirk on her face like....get the hell away from what is rightfully mine. Just imagine how my hubby felt sitting next to her drunk husband. Thinking back on the evening makes me sick. The OW daughter had bullied my son for many years and he hated the OW daughter. Even he was ill that we were sitting with them! So very sad.

T

[This message edited by TxsT at 2:23 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)]


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:35 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

@TxsT..omg that is crazy..I bet he shit a chicken that day.

Just remembered another one. My ws best friend was having A with Ow best friend. I figured that one out. While watching our kids game, this best friend sat behind ws and I. Since
friend was coaching, I thought she was there spying on him. I told my ws, why is she here if their A is over. Well looking back, she was sitting behind us to report back to ow. My ws was barely speaking, squirming, and kept getting up to go to restroom. Wish I would have known, I would have slapped a Ho that day. There I was feeling bad for the other bs and how humiliated she would be if she knew but nope, joke was on me. I hate all those fuckers for that one


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4865 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 3:26 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Every part of this horrible journey has been sad, misses or not. Sometimes I feel society in general has really skewed up its priorities. The sadness sometimes at this revolution can be so deep can't it??

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 4:16 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

cooked his 4 year A goose was the new IPAD he bought so we could control all the new gadgets in our house. What he didn't realize was that, when he synced it to his cell phone it sync up to all of the above mentioned. I was then blessed with 100's of emails and text threads, pictures......pure and utter hell.

That's exactly how I caught my husband too.

Posts: 626 | Registered: Jul 2013
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 4:20 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

OMG...no way! A very small ugly world.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
cancuncrushed
Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

I have two that bother me. After finding OW address, I drove by, and her car was home in the middle of work day. I got nervous and left, because H and I have matching trucks. I didnt want her to think it was him watching. Later I wished I had walked back to to see who exactly came out. He could have been there too. second, at company picnic he went to the parking lot for something in the car. He was gone almost 20 min. I saw her circle around and go the same direction. She was gone along time. He said he was talking to a new married couple, who was parking and never saw OW. I could not make myself go see. I still dont know. She was throwing herself at him at that picnic, he kept kissing me. This is when I was staying calm and laying low, trying to find info. I panicked. She was angry at that picnic. I was crazy.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 888 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
million tears
Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

I had a lot of evidence but was too stupid and trusting to think they were more than best friends. I mean, after all, we had a great marriage. I guess that thinking was a one way street.
The skank and I were also friends. When I told her BH, he was blown away too. I even heard a phone conversation between them and WH told me it was someone else even though I heard her voice and knew it was her. I had to be kicked in the head by accidently reading a text message. He didn't even try to hide the A. I guess he figured I was too dumb to figure it out. He was right about that.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1660 | Registered: Jun 2009
Topic Posts: 16