SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: I Left Him Today
IslandGirl18
Member
Member # 36781
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, August 12th (Monday)

I thought we were reconciling. We had some great talks recently. We have been having a lot of fun together. But something just didn't seem right to me. It was a different feeling than when I thought he was cheating.

We talked Saturday night and it was great. He really opened up and told me how horrible he feels for hurting me so much. He understands that when I need to talk, it's not about rehashing the affair but about my healing process. We were meeting some friends and he said he wanted to finish talking later. So last night we went out and I asked him if he wanted to finish the conversation and he said he didn't want to have that talk there (we were in a public place). So we talked later that night. I really thought we were going to talk about us and how far we have come, how much we love each other. Our anniversary is this weekend and I was hoping to talk about doing something special.

Not what happened. He admitted to me that he loves me and really cares for me but does not feel romantic love for me. I asked him what that meant and he said all the things we used to do together, he doesn't feel it anymore. We had a week vacation last week and we stayed home and did different things each day. One day he said he was really bored. I said I was having a really nice time with him. When I asked him about that last night, he said that something was just really missing for him.

He admitted that he has held back his feelings because he is afraid of being hurt. I said I thought that was so unfair. He is the one who cheated, I forgave, I have committed 100%. He wants to stay together. He wants some space to heal.

I left him. I told him I cannot do this anymore. I am at my friend's house. Thank God I have a friend who will let me stay with her.

I am not devastated like I was at DDay. I have come a long way.

I did everything I possibly could. I am done.


me: BS
him: WS

D Day: July 27, 2012
Day of first suspicion: 6/7/11
DD#2: November 2, 2012

Divorced


Posts: 101 | Registered: Sep 2012
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, August 12th (Monday)

(((IslandGirl18)))

Strength and prayers going your way.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3772 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, August 12th (Monday)

Sending some good thoughts your way. Glad you have a good friend to stay with.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3741 | Registered: Dec 2011
ineedtoleave
Member
Member # 29332
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, August 12th (Monday)

(((IslandGirl18))) It is time you put yourself first. We're here for you to help you stay strong.


BS(me)-52
WH-59
OW-43(married ex-Co-worker)
Married 6 yrs
DD#1: 3/19/10
DD#2: 5/11/10
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

Posts: 956 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Arizona
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, August 12th (Monday)

I'm really sorry, and really proud of you.

(((IslandGirl18)))


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16397 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
NoTriangles
Member
Member # 35985
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, August 12th (Monday)

I'm so sorry. I know how much it hurts.

Sending you lots of healing mojo, sweetie.


Me: Forever Changed
Him: Traitor in my Foxhole
Let go or get dragged.

Posts: 1245 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: a state of consciousness
hobbeskat
Member
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, August 12th (Monday)

Such love to you. You have been so brave.

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, August 12th (Monday)

You took a very difficult, but necessary step forward...I too say, "I am proud of you"

I can only imagine the sadness you feel right now. I would have done the exact same thing...left him.

This is why I often say, WS needs to want R more than the BS.

{IslandGirl18}


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Nov 2011
brokensmile322
Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, August 12th (Monday)

Hugs Island Girl. You should be so proud of yourself. Look how far you have come from the first dday.

You deserve to be loved to the fullest. Better times will be coming your way!


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1414 | Registered: Jun 2012
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, August 12th (Monday)

Wow, you have really honored yourself and I am also proud of you. I am sorry it looks like R won't be your end, but you deserve more than what you are getting.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6306 | Registered: Jan 2011
burnt_toast
Member
Member # 16891
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, August 12th (Monday)

Wow, that's an admirable gesture of self-love you just did. I know how hard this must have been after all you've invested in R.

Keep on being kind to yourself for the next days.

(((IslandGirl18)))


It is what it is.

Posts: 4699 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Quelque part
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, August 12th (Monday)

(((hugs))) I''m so proud that you put yourself first.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4585 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, August 12th (Monday)

What an incredibly difficult decision you made. I am glad you have a friend to stay with.

Here's to you IslandGirl18 and all the inner strength you possess.
LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2109 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 13