Just Found Out
User Topic: Still in the dark, not sure if I am going crazy
Member # 40211
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, August 12th (Monday)

Not sure if my H is having a PA yet BUT

In the shower with him tonight, and I thought he called my by the suspected OW name!!!! I was asking what he wanted my to do to him when he said, you are fine ____

She has a short name, so not sure but I swear I heard it.... Asked " did u just call me ___???!!

He denied of course.

I think I am going crazy

Married 20 years

Posts: 233 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, August 12th (Monday)

You're not going crazy. Catching him is a whole other ball game. Trust your instincts, when I accused my H of cheating he treated me like I was crazy too.

Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**

Posts: 384 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 40211
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, August 12th (Monday)

I don't know how to catch him... It is mostly gut right now besides all the EA things I have discovered. I am afraid if I do not catch him soon he might end it then I will never know. But he works with her every day and I am sick every morning he leaves for work. any insight into how to catch, would be appreciated. Please.

Married 20 years

Posts: 233 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

(((TS))) I doubt that you are crazy. Most WS will lie and deny and even if caught red-handed they usually have a ton of excuses they hope you will buy.

Does he have a cell phone? If so, check the bill if you can, cell phones are the most common mode of contact. Does he use the computer? He may have email contact or even a secret account set up for contact. If you can't hire a PI, become one yourself. And always listen to your intuition, it is seldom wrong.

~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"

Posts: 9771 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 1:45 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Here are just a few things I wish I had know to do:

1)Stake out my WH in the parking lot at his job. He was having an A with MOW co-worker and would head out around 1-2pm (her lunch hr) for BJs at an abandon lot close by.

2)Place a Voice Activated Recorder in my home while I was away to hear phone conversation and face to face conversations when he brought her into my home.

3)Follow him when he left on a Sat AM when he claimed to be golfing but was meeting up with POS MOW.

4) OR hide my iPhone (with silencer on) in his vehicle and use the "find my phone" app to see exactly where he was.

5)He used a work blackberry and computer ALL the time so I did not have access to phone records. If your H uses a personal cell phone then check the phone records.

6) Pay VERY close attention to EVERYTHING and do not ignore anything. Write suspicious activity down so that over time you do not forget or confuse things.

Trust your gut...ALWAYS.

ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2124 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

One thing I think many of us have learned : trust your gut.

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

My first suspicion of trouble was with a "just friend", and you know what, that on its own was devastating. I believed that nothing sexual had happened (and nothing sexual or intimate had) but I stool booked us into MC.
In fact now, after finding out about PAs and ONS, that "friend" is still an issue. We sent her a no contact letter recently.
I guess all I'm trying to say us that maybe there is more (with her or with someone else) but even if there isn't, it still hurts like hell.
Have you read NOT "just friends"? I've only just started it but it seems good. My H ended up confessing everything after reading on Peggy Vaughn's site.

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 960 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 40112
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

You are not crazy. The most insidious abusive effect of this stuff is that it makes you doubt what your mind and body sense to be true because you are actively being deceived.

Posts: 54 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 8