User Topic: AFter 7 years...he changed the story
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Because my husband intends to become involved in a local election, and because he is well known, I asked last night if he wasn't concerned that the woman, to whom he sent the picture of his private parts, might not recognize him in the media and 'out him'.

I said that I didn't know where she is located, but that I was concerned about that. (They were emailing - (sexting? or just bashing me?) and she asked for a pic of his penis. He sent one, and she responded, "no thanks" or 'not interested'. Something like that.) This happened 7 years ago.

He told me last night that the pic never went through. I told him that it did, and reminded him of her response. He said he can't remember what she was 'not interested' in, but that he KNEW the pic did not go through.

Then, he says that it is no problem - because she was from _____.

So, he doesn't remember what she was not interested in, but he does remember where she was from???

I asked him, if it was true that the pic didn't go through, why would he let me believe all these years that it did. No answer.

I don't know if the pic went through and he is trying to keep me from being worried about him being outed if she sees coverage of this election he is involved with --- or, if it didn't go through, and he let me believe that it did all these years.

Last night I asked him why he told me that it was sent. He said that when we were talking about all of this, I wasn't believing anything he said, so he just agreed with what I was accusing him of. (Can't imagine why I wasn't believing him!)

Anyway, I guess it doesn't matter, really. There was a pic of him naked with a prostitute - that's a fact - and he did at least attempt to send it to this woman - for whatever reason.

But it surely does make me wonder - as I always have - what the real story is.

After we spoke about these things last night, he said, "I'm sorry". I told him that I didn't believe him. That someone that is really sorry tries to make things right.

His response - no answer.

I also asked if he planned to keep these 'secrets' between him and 'them' - secrets that I am not privy to. No answer.

Don't know why I am posting this. I guess, its because I know you all will understand the frustration of once again finding out that you don't have an idea in hell what really happened.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 10:08 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)]

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Oh yes..I know that feeling.


FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7678 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 39201
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

I don't think that I will ever know the truth.

He has in showing me that his secrets are more important than our marriage.

I wish you peace

Me: BS 47
Him:WH 55
M: 27 yrs
DD 4/29/13
3 kids (25,23,22

Posts: 82 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Yup. I understand. I know I don't really know what happened. I just know it doesn't add up. I didn't understand TT until well after I had already NCed him (for good, it would seem).


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
million tears
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

I would say the message went through. He could have saved himself some grief and we all know that WS's are all about that.

If it did not go through, it's pretty shitty that he didn't tell you.

2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.

Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

I know the feeling well too! I probably won't ever have the full story. Seeing as I'm filing for separation, and very likely divorce down the road, I guess it doesn't matter anymore. So why do I still agonize over it?????

Me-BS 43
Him-WH 45
Married 8, together 9

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2329 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)

My H has given me vey few parts of the story, even after MC.

Lots of IDK, IDR. So unless he has a revelation I know I will never get the whole story.

And that is another reason I am getting my ducks in a row!!!

Me: BS
Him: WH

Posts: 1301 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

and she asked for a pic of his penis. He sent one, and she responded, "no thanks" or 'not interested'.

This doesn't pass the sniff test and he is doing the 'no answer' because he knows it.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2176 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Member # 9918
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Sorry that you're dealing with this, WR. I'm sure you're concerned about reliving all of this should these pics resurface (Weiner, et al come to mind). If the shit hits the fan I suppose you'll get all of the truth, albeit backhandedly.

I hope it all goes well and you can continue to move forward ...

Posts: 1967 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: PA
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Sounds to me like you're being gaslighted.

Perhaps he thinks "deny, IDK, IDR" is the best approach in the election world, but its not in a marriage. Secrets demolish all the trust..

xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2304 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

He has in showing me that his secrets are more important than our marriage.

LOVE this quote! So very, very true in my case.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9821 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

I think it went through and he's just wanting to avoid thinking that it may be a problem. I also don't know the whole story of my ws, I know him, he will never ever tell me.
I hope you can find peace in this sich, I'm sorry it reared its ugly head again.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Cheaters lie and lie some more. I truly believe they know know other life.

Then the ones that want to change to a better person are the ones that tell the truth.

I am sorry.

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Sounds like he has the lying gas lighting part of politics down.

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2239 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Member # 19825
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

I understand that conversation and those responses completely.

I have had those same conversations with my WS and then the no response when I am confused because he has now flipped flopped on his answers. Been There!

I can understand your concern that this person my surface if your WS is in the media. You state that it is a local election, so hopefully that will be not as known. But does she live anywhere in your state? Hopefully far far away.

He did not see what he had in me, what I saw in him I did not have!

Love kills slowly.

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Jun 2008
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

He is not actually the candidate - he will be supporting the candidate. Since my husband is well known, I am nervous that she will see his face in print or on news and decide to ruin our lives.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

oops - double post.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 11:12 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)]

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Or hes afraid you will destroy him when you find out. Public news during election. Funny, that doesnt make things go away does it?

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 944 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I think I have given the wrong impression.

My WH isn't running for anything. He is just a visible supporter -

My thread was really about the change in story.

But, I am truly petrified about that woman seeing his face or hearing his name (yes, he used his real name) during the campaign.

I'm not even so very worried about what that would do to the actual candidate - just my family.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 11:28 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)]

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Topic Posts: 19