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User Topic: Humor heals?
krazy8516
Member
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Things between my WH and I have gotten a little better the last couple of days.

He's getting better at hearing me out when I'm having a "moment", and I've been able to finish a couple of meals (this is a HUGE improvement for me).

But... we've been joking around a lot. We've always spoken "sarcasm" to each other and having fun together has never been an issue for us. We can both have twisted senses of humor at times, but I think it's one of the things that drew us to each other. But is it appropriate right now? We have both "taken stabs" at the affair, and my first reaction (even when it's me doing it) is "It's too soon!". But then we share a laugh. Is that sick? Are we rug-sweeping? I mean, what is that?

I am still angry, still sad, still in disbelief. Still in the process of making sure NC is maintained, still wondering if I will ever trust him again. This was a terrible ordeal that has shattered my world - why is it so easy for me (us) to joke about it, and so soon after d-day.

Someone please tell me it's just a coping mechanism!


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
Lucky
Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

It's perfectly okay to laugh at anything you find funny or humorous. Laughter is my medicine, truly.


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
foundoutlater
Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

t/j - I need some more sleep - I clicked in to this thread looking for funny shoes - end t/j

IMO humor is not rugsweeping. It can be used to ease the pain. As long as the issues are dealt with I don't see a problem. Yep to me it is a good coping mechanism.


Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jul 2011
TS68
Member
Member # 40211
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Consider yourself lucky!! A fantastic coping mechanism.... Wish I had the personality to do the same. Best wishes to you bet you come out of this faster than the rest of us.



Married 20 years

Posts: 155 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

I agree with Lucky and found. They do say laughter is the best medicine.

You said that you both take stabs at the A so it sounds to me that he realizes what an ass he was. You said that you still talk and that he's good when you're having a moment, that's not rug sweeping, that's open communication.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5828 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

My wife and I do that. It's good to be able to crack jokes as long as you both feel comfortable stating when it crosses a line, causes a trigger or becomes uncomfortable. IMO it actually helps a lot because it associates an entirely different emotional process with certain events.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7363 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
StillStanding1
Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

I definitely agree^^^. We can't always be caught up in the ugly, nasty parts of this. Sometimes you really just need to laugh. I definitely think it's a great coping mechanism (as long as it's not the ONLY coping mechanism). Laughter is great. Sometimes I find that swearing a lot when venting to others (like my MC or one of the few people who knows about everything) is very therapeutic. I find myself apologizing for all the cuss words. It's not really my style and I really don't like it! It certainly does feel good and my friends encourage me to go ahead and let them fly!!!!

Laughter is probably better...


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 633 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Krazy, we do this too. Or I should say, *I* do this. I crack jokes periodically that makes WH laugh. But when he cracks a joke and I don't laugh we both look at eachother and say "too soon?" and THEN laugh. And I kiddingly/seriously say, "Only *I'm* allowed to make jokes." I get it. It's a coping mechanism for me. I guess when he cracks a joke and I laugh it will be a big milestone.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
krazy8516
Member
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Phew! I'm glad to see y'all say that stuff! Thanks everybody

WH has started initiating "tickle fights" in the evenings also. Neither of us "like" to be tickled, but can't help ending up in fits of laughter. One of the things he had said to me pre-A was that he felt like we don't fool around enough, and that I'm not good at taking jokes. I don't know if I agree, but I probably do need to lighten up a little.

The laughter helps a lot, I just don't want him to think that just because I'm laughing means I'm "over it." I've told him - and he seems to understand - that that isn't happening any time soon.


me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."


Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)

Laughing doesn't ever mean you're over anything, it means you're trying to make the climb.

Hope you guys can keep laughing. Kind of the goal in life, right? That and killing aliens. Fucking aliens.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7363 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 10