Recently I did an internet search on the AP. Yes - I still do this from time to time. She does some corporate performances – I live in with that terrible mix of dread / hope that she will be entertaining at a work related function I need to attend. So from time to time I sweep their names, not wanting to be caught by surprise. (It is nothing like the mad obsessive cyber searching immediately post discovery.)
I discovered an article - The AP’s husband received a national bravery award a few months back. It was for his work in a large scale natural disaster. He and his team saved a whole group of people from sure death in terrible circumstances. He is one of those highly trained teams that do pretty full on stuff.
She used to tell my H. all about her ‘husband the hero’ this was the other side of the narrative that she was scared and intimidated by her husband (usual OW stuff) and that her H. was terribly jealous.
This particular disaster had occurred earlier the same year they had their affair. In fact it happened only 6 months before the AP and H met. They were ‘emotionally’ entangling within 5 weeks of meeting.
Anyway. .. when I read the article on the award it was the first time I had the details of the events. In the event a young boy couldn’t be saved. They saved a number of other children. The disaster was wide spread, They had to go out time and again and save lives, from time to time being to late or not able to get people out. It was followed by two other like events within 12 months. His team were involved in all of them.
I can imagine that he and his colleagues would have been dealing with terrible situations and very disturbing memories.
One of the ways they (H & AP)engaged was over her unhappiness and loneliness in her marriage as her ‘heroic husband’ left her alone for stretches of time, was called away suddenly all the time etc etc. She talked to me once about it saying how she new he was so brave and his work important but she was just SO alone. She also told H. that when her husband was home he was distant. That he was an ‘emotional retard’.
Never once did she mention the chance of a link between his duties and acts of courage and his withdrawal. Instead she talked about her feelings of abandonment. We are now 18months out – but the discovery of this has swum around in my brain and bubbles back up to the top. Just need to vent about it really.
What a complete narcissist. It baffles me that any person with an ounce of empathy wouldn’t know that someone who had lived through these events would very likely have some post trauma symptoms. Detachment is a sure indicated. And AP’s act of human kindness … to flag her availability and actively pursue an affair with another married man.
I so wish her H. well. They are still together. I say little prayers everyday that she is remorseful and worked on herself to be a safe person for her marriage and children. I do have that desire to know that is the case. thanks for hearing me friends.