User Topic: What I want to hear.
Member # 33296
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Last night I asked WW if she has been reading How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair.

"I've been busy."

Not busy to post on your forums.

I want to hear. "I am sorry I did this to you. I am sorry I did this to us. I caused this mess. I want to do what ever you need me to do to heal. I will do what ever you need me to do to heal."

I'm tired of her selfish attitude towards the problem she caused.

Me: BH (47)
Her: fWWx2 (possible ONSs while drunk), lied about job, worked as a stripper (39)
Married: 14
Together: 19
Children: s 13, d 4, s 3

Who dares, wins

Posts: 143 | Registered: Sep 2011
Member # 39201
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Can so relate.

I printed out the 10 pages of 'What every WS needs to do to help the BS Heal' and gave it to him.

All I got was bitched at...

Holy shit, not only your secrets are yours alone, but now the fucking ink in the printer!

Me: BS 47
Him:WH 55
M: 27 yrs
DD 4/29/13
3 kids (25,23,22

Posts: 82 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

If she could make time for the A, she can make time to read.

That is, if she wants you to continue to allow her to stick around.

D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

If it matters to them they will make time

If it does't matter to them they will make excuses,

BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 618 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

That's so frustrating, I know from experience. At first I just wanted to hear it. I told H what I needed to hear, and he said it. Often. But eventually I also needed to feel it.

He too had no time to read. I understood, it's a really busy time at work etc. But you know what? When he "got it", he all of a sudden had time to read about what would help me.

I'm sorry. Having to tell a WS what to say and how to behave is maddening (IMO).


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 951 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 9297
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Its their ACTIONS you need to pay attention to. Not their words. Their actions tell you what is REALLY going on in their heads. Their words are just words and have no value.

So bob, I suggest that you go back and re-read your posts and in them you will see what, if anything, she has been doing to try to reconcile.

Posts: 489 | Registered: Jan 2006
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I've been busy.
Translation = "I'm going to ignore it until you give up."

What are you prepared to do and what are you prepared to accept?
Those are the questions you need to ask yourself. If you willing to D if she doesn't put in the effort to R then you need to prepare for D. Right now. Call the lawyer, get your ducks in a row. You need to be ready to act on a decision because her inaction is a decision in itself.

D final 8/2012

Posts: 4000 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Member # 33296
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Translation = "I'm going to ignore it until you give up."


Me: BH (47)
Her: fWWx2 (possible ONSs while drunk), lied about job, worked as a stripper (39)
Married: 14
Together: 19
Children: s 13, d 4, s 3

Who dares, wins

Posts: 143 | Registered: Sep 2011
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I bought that book for WH and read it cover to cover immediately, took no time at all. It's a short book. Gave it to him, told him how important it was to me, blah blah blah. 5 days later he was still on page 47. Infuritated me to no end.

I'm hoping your WW gets off her selfish train soon. If it were me I'd tell her to have it read by Friday or pack your sh/t. Seriously.

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Gave that book to my Wh on March 9 - 7 years after his ONS with the prostitute.

He has 'been reading' it since then.

No mention of what he is reading, or what it might mean to him.

I think he is beyond feeling remorse for what he did.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Yeah you make time for what's important to you. It's obviously not that important

BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 251 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
Member # 40225
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Translation = "I'm going to ignore it until you give up."

And when you give up finally it will be your fault for not working on the marriage or for filling for D

Sorry I totally get this and am still bitter and angry.

Me BH 46
WW 42

Dday 1: 10/20/2010 -- 3 month physical affair
Dday2: 7/7/2013 -- 3 year emotional affair but I think it was more.

Posts: 83 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 12