SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
General
User Topic: Turning a blind eye?
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

How often do you hear of a spouse finding out about an affair and just deciding to rug sweep it IMMEDIATELY and never look back? My guess is that this happens with men who are cheated on more than women, but I don't know. Anyone hear of this?

Another post just made me think of this, but OW's BH is this guy. They had it out on d-day and never looked back apparently. Her life is just fine right now.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

My WH is a huge rugsweeper. Refuses to discuss the A at all. Just last weekend when I brought it up he said "Let's don't go back there". It pissed me off and I told him "I am not going BACK There!!!, I'm there everyday of my life!!!" Of course he just sat there and didn't say anything as usual.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

TrustGone, believe me, I get that many Waywards would like to rug sweep and move on, but I'm talking about the betrayed taking that stance...I just can't fathom.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I'm sure that OW's life is not ok. Rugsweeping does not make it go away or take away the hurt. It will resurface.

IMO it's an unhealthy and unhelpful (to themselves) way for a BS to deal with it.

A's suck.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 951 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I'm sure that OW's life is not ok. Rugsweeping does not make it go away or take away the hurt. It will resurface.

IMO it's an unhealthy and unhelpful (to themselves) way for a BS to deal with it.

A's suck.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 951 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
WhatsRight
Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I compare that level of rugsweeping to someone who doesn't truly grieve a loss - like a death.

I knew a woman who never broke down, never stopped being the 'perfect hostess' when people came over to offer sympathy for her husband of 50 years when he died.

Then thing is, more often than not, it will come back on you. My friend just about lost her mind about 6 months later. Then, it wasn't 'normal' grieving.

I think if you don't work through it - there will be a price to pay in the end. That's why I'm in such a horrible place. We have never dealt with it - so, like someone else said - it is part of my everyday life - like dog shit on the bottom of your shoe - it never really truly comes off unless you wash it all away!

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 11:39 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)]


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
sparklezombie
Member
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Wh and I were both, are both, rug sweepers. And let me tell you, it's horrible. It doesn't fix anything and our situation has only gotten worse over the years. I'm done with it now and demanding that we deal with it. It's rough but worth it


BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
Topic Posts: 7