User Topic: OW is trying to friend me on Facebook!
Member # 36424
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Obviously I denied and then crickets in reply but in what world would I want to allow her access to my page and life? Seriously? Should I tell WH or just ignore it completely? He's been worried about her retaliating and I wouldn't want to give more fuel to that fire.

"See that no one repays another evil with evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another"

Posts: 133 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Tell your would expect him to tell you if she had broken NC with need to lead by example and show him transparency here.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7671 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

You have got to be kidding. I don't think I would mention it and I definitely wouldn't accept the request. She must be bat poop crazy

BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 251 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

100% agree with what confused615 said.

Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 37981 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Why isn't she blocked? Definitely block her butt.

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2173 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Oh no she didn't! I would tell WH about it. See what a fruit loop he was with. But that's just me. I would message her and ask her wtf and why she would think you would even be remotely interested in being a friend? But that's me. I need to understand other people's motives. Also, make sure your WH is being totally transparent. Why is this bitch contacting you? Does he know?

BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
Member # 16024
Red  Posted: 1:09 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Sparklezombie and Painfuljourney,

Please follow the Reconciliation Forum guidelines. There is no OP venting or namecalling in this forum.

Thank you.

Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 37981 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

The OW was a friend of mine on FB and in real life. Obviously I unfriended her, but we have 60 mutual friends (!!) so I see sh$t I shouldn't all the time. She's desperate for attention. . Posts stuff where I have posted so it will show up in my feed. Crazy.

me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.

Posts: 2055 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Transparency, openness and honesty is a two way street... what you ask of him you must also do yourself.

Tell him and then block her.

Then go cuddle with your H and gloat that you've found one more step in eliminating her from your lives.

♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥

Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I would message her and ask her wtf and why she would think you would even be remotely interested in being a friend?
I can't recommend feeding the bear in any way, shape or form. She's fishing. Don't give her so much as a passing nibble. NC, block, period, done.

You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams

Posts: 25691 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Why isn't she blocked? Definitely block her butt.

I disagree with this one because I live by the policy "keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Facebook is one way to monitor "enemies" especially those that like to post everything from the time they get up in the morning until they go to bed at night.

I would wonder why she would think there was a possibility you would accept a friend request. She might have been checking out your page and somehow clicked the wrong thing and made the request by accident.

I don't think even I would accept a "friend request" from the OW but I would not mind if she checks out my page. I don't believe she has any FB. But if she did and looked at my page, she would see that I have a very full life and lots of nice pictures of my loving husband and I.

Posts: 5760 | Registered: Apr 2006
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

My vote would be to tell your husband, block her, and forget about her. That way she can't attempt to friend you or message you in the future and take up precious mental and emotional space that she is not deserving of.

Posts: 7477 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I wouldn't tell WH, and I would not only deny her friend request, but I would block her from your FB and your e-mail.

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I'm with BobbiSue. I added the OW when I first suspected something was going on. I wanted her to see that he has a wife and a family. He's not just her boss at work...I wanted her to see how far back our history is together. I wanted her to see that she's just his dirty little secret and I am his wife and mother of his child. she will never be me. I wanted her to think about what she was doing. Plus I wanted to see what her life is like. I actually felt sorry for her after I saw her long term boyfriend and father of her child. When I confronted her she did admit that she was overwhelmed with guilt every time she saw me. In spite of what she did, I've never been mean to her. But I did ask her what kind of woman runs around with a married man at 3am? Is that really who you want to be? One time she said she was uncomfortable being in the middle of my marriage problems and I reminded her that she put herself in middle of my marriage and I didn't want her there either. Then I told her the ONLY reason she still has a job is because of me.

Posts: 708 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 33802
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Be honest and tell your husband, block her ASAP. If you keep things from him, and he is working on your marriage, that can be destructive. Be a united front. Discuss how you will handle this as a team.

Together 16 years, married 10.
DDay 07/26/2011, 8 month EA/PA with friend of our family. Months of TT.
DDay#2 Early spring 2012, confirmed EA with another woman.

Posts: 144 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Sunny South
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Devil's advocate here... it could just be that she did one of those "send all the people in my address book a friend request" things. Ignore and move on. I would check your "other" messages folder in facebook tho to see if she was trying to reach you. (yikes!)

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I'm in the camp of...tell your WH because honesty and transparency is a 2 way street. Approach it from the "i know this will make you upset, but in the interest of being upfront and honest......"
spend a little time together, talk out your feelings together.........and then forget about it and move on!!

I went the route of blocking OW from my FB. I lived the the "enemies closer" mentality for many the beginning it helped somewhat....but in time, seeing her posts, pictures and such on FB was just too much for me emotionally. Since i have blocked her, i have felt a small sense of peace. I feel like it is a small victory for me and not allowing her any headspace.

Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I blocked OM, his wife & his best friend. I should block his entire generation too!

BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I say tell him and block her! If you really need to know something, hopefully you have a good friend who can tell you.

The OW and I were FB friends and I unfriended her immediately. Unfortunately I started stalking her page because she would post publicly sometimes. I had to block her for my sanity. Unfortunately she has a public "photography" page that I can't stop going to. I wish she would block me.

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Member # 36424
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I told him. He just kind of laughed and said she's obviously crazy. I think the best thing is for us to both react as if it never happened.

"See that no one repays another evil with evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another"

Posts: 133 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, August 16th (Friday)

After the first DDay, MOW joined one of my weight loss FB groups and immediately "liked" one of my posts. I was floored. ?? Why would she do such a thing when she knew how much I hated her? So I started bashing her. When she asked about how to get more definition in her butt I typed "Implants?" because she already had fake breasts. When she posted something about getting such a great work out in that day, I posted "isn't it great what can be accomplished when you aren't texting my husband 400+ times a day?" Stuff like that. After about three days of it, she finally blocked me.

I did stalk her on FB for months after the first DDay. She left herself as a FB of my husbands' and Husband thought he inactivated his account. I would reactivate his account, stalk her profile for HOURS, and deactivate it again before he came home. I did that for the whole DDay #1. After DDay #2, I called myself out by posting all over her page under his account but signed my name to them. She then kicked him off (I blocked her from his site), but unblocked me. ? That's when she started apologizing for her place in the whole mess and I think it was a friendly gesture on her part. I blocked her as soon as I saw I was unblocked, though. I didn't need to see the frequent reminder of her around our 45+ mutual friends. It's only been in the last month or so I unblocked her, as I, at this point, have moved past the hatred of her. She is working on her marriage, we are working on ours, and she truly seems remorseful and respectful now. My whole train of thought is how can I still hate her when I don't hate my husband?

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 246 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 40102
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, August 16th (Friday)

You should block her. I had to block my husbands OW. I don't want her knowing anything about me , our children, my work, nothing. If you want you spouse to cut all ties, you should cut them too.

Posts: 57 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 22