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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Triggered Really Hard & Why NC is Good for the Soul
Elaine2012
Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I've been NC for year, not sure the exact date but I know it was in Aug. Even during in house separation. Which is it's own kind of hell. I lived in fear for all those months I was in the house. I left early and came home late everyday. I slept with a chair in front of my door with a dresser pushed up against that just in case. Since I've moved out my fear of him has subsided. I'm living with a wonderful kind women who has really filled a void. Especially since my mom passed away in Dec.

There were about 5 conversations after dday. Luckily I found SI on dday and I was able to start NC then. In those conversations he did the blame shifting and gave me several reasons why he had cheated and betrayed our marriage. Some of those conversations still run through my mind.

By implementing NC I didn't add anymore of his BS. Through SI I learned that the cheating was all about him and his messed up self. I've also discovered and understand NPD and PA in ways I never wanted to know. Life over the last 35 years now make a lot of sense.

I moved out at the end of Apr although I still haven't taken all of my stuff out of the house. I have very limited space to put it. I went to the house during the time he's supposed to be at work so I could get more out. I opened the garage and saw his motorcycle there. That's when I saw his brother's motorcycle is there also. BIL lives 1,700 miles away. So apparently he is here on vacation. I haven't heard a word from any of my IL's since all of this happened.

Last year on dday WH was on his way to meet his brother half way so he could be here for his mother's funeral. WH was going to meet with OW on his way! Just two days after his mother died he was busy planning on being with her.

Last year BIL was here for almost a month and never knew what was going on. I was afraid of STBX reaction if I told his brother. I have no idea of the lies that he has been told about me. I'm sure there are many.

I'm really triggering with the court date on the 26th, knowing he could be driving around my city and I could run into him has really thrown me for a loop. I also don't feel like I can go to the house if he happens to not be there I wouldn't want to have them come home when I'm there. I'm shocked at just how much this has triggered me. I thought I was doing fairly well.

I'm so looking forward to when this crap is done. I want to end my involvement with him forever. Just like our marriage was supposed to be.

For those just struggling with NC it is such a relief it is true NC= no new hurts!


Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jul 2012
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

((((HUGS))))

I hear you about triggering hard and being surprised about it. I hate those unexpected triggers, not only do they set me back but the self-doubt as to why I'm still capable of triggering sets me back, too.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9824 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Elaine2012
Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Thanks Nature_Girl I appreciate that you took the time to respond. There has been smaller more manageable triggers this has been way more than I've dealt with in awhile. I'm trying very hard to take the high road in this mess and it seems like it's just never ending.


Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jul 2012
SweetheartVixen
Member
Member # 4956
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

You sound like you are doing well for the most part. This too shall pass. HUGS (((Elaine))))


BS/60s WS/60s Divorcing and not soon enough~!
Its nice to be important, but its more important to be nice...

DD 6-14


Posts: 3100 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: somewhere over the rainbow
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, August 16th (Friday)

NC is something I work on both night and day. The "No New Hurts" mantra is so true.

It's my thought that we have a kind of fog that we go through as a BS for a time and we have to start coming out of it in order to grasp the concept. It took me a long, long time to realize that I was hurting myself, but I was in shock and had some kind of anxiety problems, so that I had anxiety until I heard from him...we actually worried about his safety for a time, because he went into hiding, at one point. It made NC very hard and the level of my codependency was another.

Nearly ExH is also NPD and PA, too (and some other things). Sure isn't easy, is it? But there are ways to work with them. It takes a lot of practice and some rules.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 5