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Reconciliation
User Topic: Feeling bad about the negative thoughts
Emotionalhell
Member
Member # 39902
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

Some days I am very angry & emotional . I have had some very negative thoughts about OW & my fiancÚ ... Now that I am feeling a little better I feel bad a bout the negative thoughts & anger I have had..
Does anyone else feel bad about the bad thoughts you have had ?

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jul 2013
ifinallyfoundme
Member
Member # 39523
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)

I am so sorry for your pain. Is your H following any of your rules? I've read your story, are you in recon?

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 9:04 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 180 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
ItsaClimb
Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

I think we need to own our feelings and accept them. "You can't heal what you won't feel." Stuffing feelings down is never a good idea.

It's perfectly normal and acceptable to have negative thoughts and feelings towards someone who has hurt us, how we act on those feelings is where we need to control ourselves

I never feel bad about my negative thoughts or feelings, but I get really, really mad with myself when I lose my dignity - for example when I completely lose my temper and scream and yell in an ugly way and then I have this thing where I throw coffee mugs at the wall... I always feel horrible when I do that, that to me is an unacceptable way of expressing an acceptable emotion.


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 948 | Registered: Oct 2012
PrincessPeach06
Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

No I don't. No matter what I am thinking/feeling I tell WS in a calm manner before it gets to the point of exploding. Sometimes there are tears but its the anger that when bottled up does more harm then good.

I did write OW a nasty letter that I posted on SI and read over and over and over until I could read it with virtually no emotion. It helped a TON to release some of that anger. I would never send it but just writing it and having others read it was amazing!


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
brokensmile322
Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

Anger is just a natural part of it. Why would you feel bad about having bad thoughts about the OW and your fiancÚ?

They tore your world apart. What is there NOT to hate about that.

The only way passed this is through it and anger is part of it. You can't stuff those emotions; they will eat you alive from the inside.

Best!


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1452 | Registered: Jun 2012
Emotionalhell
Member
Member # 39902
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

FiancÚ & I are R. Doing better. I think I have suffered more than he has..

I am going to write letter to OW. ( but not mail it.) thank you for the suggestion.


Posts: 84 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 6