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Reconciliation
User Topic: Everybody said Run. I am doing the opposite
SilverFlame
New Member
Member # 39929
Default  Posted: 4:16 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

Everybody on SI has said RUN, end it, cut your losses... I have decided to R. I know it may be a mistake and against better advice, but I am willing to try.
Short background: my wayward fiancÚ was caught in an inappropriate email exchange with an ex girlfriend. His history should be a red flag or running shoes for anyone. D three times, infidelity in various marriages, ONS during S, bad relationship choices (previous girlfriend was druggie and alcoholic). Yeah, reads like a nightmare...
His issues are bad or no boundaries and he knows this now, external validation, using As as an escape...
But he is a changed person - or so I choose to believe.
We have been through a really difficult period and he realizes the destructive nature of his past, the hurt caused and his own ignorance. He is committed to working on himself and our relationship.
Right now, I am not sure if I will marry him. He is going to have to earn my trust back. In some ways I still struggle to deal with the hurt caused by the emails - yes it was an EA, even if he didnt see the harm at the time. He does now.
Our relationship - the happiness and love we share is worth fighting for and committing to.
Yes, it's a difficult path to travel along R, but we want to.
Hopefully we can make it work. We want it to. He knows there will be no next time or mistake.
I am grateful to those who have shared their insights with me. Hopefully you are not offended by the path I chose. I will still count on my SI friends for their wisdom and support - and hopefully it will not be "I told you so..."

[This message edited by SilverFlame at 4:16 AM, August 15th (Thursday)]


Me 37 BGF
Him WBF
Relationship of two years.

Him: inappropriate emails with ex girlfriend. She was OW during his last marriage. OW- skank with no morals or ethics (personal or professional)
D-Day mid July 2013


Posts: 17 | Registered: Jul 2013
AStar
Member
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 4:54 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

SilverFlame, only you can decide what is right for you.
You are right, his history is scarey.
I hope this man appreciates the gift of R you are giving to him. My H had "an EA only" and I am filing for D.
I hope your man realizes the depth of his betrayal and commits to your relationship. Hold off on M for now.
I trust he won't abuse your gift of R and that he works his butt off to make you happy and appreciate you.


Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
ItsaClimb
Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

Hopefully you are not offended by the path I chose.

Only you can make the choice to stay or go and it's not about anyone else except you.

You are making your choice with your eyes wide open, you are armed with knowledge about infidelity and know exactly what signs to look out for and you have the tools you need if things do go wrong. Hope you never need any of this stuff, but it is there.


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1024 | Registered: Oct 2012
I think I can
Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

He knows there will be no next time or mistake.

You need to know this. And then you can deal with what may come.


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8835 | Registered: Jan 2008
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

Silver....I agree, only you can know what is right for you. I guess I would add that, given this mans past I would just stay prepared.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

Nobody hopefully will ever say I told you so. Only you can make the choice to R and you are aware of his past, so you know he has some major hurtles to overcome. I am hoping and praying that he takes the gift you are giving and works to be a better person for himself and for you. Here is wishing you nothing but the best. (((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, August 15th (Thursday)

You've asked for counsel, and you've considered it. In the beginning, in the middle, and in the end, you know your sitch better than anyone here, and no one can predict the future with any certainty. This could be the best course for you, and I hope it turns out better than you've even dreamed.

[This message edited by sisoon at 8:58 AM, August 15th (Thursday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10440 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
SilverFlame
New Member
Member # 39929
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

Thank you to all of you for the support and words of wisdom. I appreciate it so much.
I feel we deserve a second chance and yes my eyes are open. I know what I am getting to.
I still love him.


Me 37 BGF
Him WBF
Relationship of two years.

Him: inappropriate emails with ex girlfriend. She was OW during his last marriage. OW- skank with no morals or ethics (personal or professional)
D-Day mid July 2013


Posts: 17 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 8