SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Liive together after D ?
torn2bits
Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

Has anyone lived together after the divorce?


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
chikastuff
Member
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

No, but why would you want to?

I lived with my ex for four months after DD and three months after filing for D. It was hell.


Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

oh hell no!! I could not get away from that loser soon enough.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17605 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Bloomsday
Member
Member # 40275
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

I saw quite a bit of this from 2008 - 2011. Couples who were underwater on their mortgages and could not afford to sell were stuck in the same house. Usually the guy set up a separate apartment in the basement. That would be my version of hell.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Aug 2013
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

I would have rather drilled screws in my face than live with him after D. I understand financial issues and that people sometimes have to make big sacrifices post D to get back on their feet. But, honestly, I would have done anything in that situation to avoid living with him for one more second.

An unremorseful wayward would think nothing of doing exactly as he/she pleases. That means getting ready for dates, spending all hours on the phone, coming home late, not coming home at all, etc., and unless you have so detached that you can honestly say none of that would matter, it would be a version of hell on earth that I would try to avoid like the plague.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2706 | Registered: Jan 2011
RyeBread
Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

I have a coworker who lives with his exwife.

He came down with throat cancer shortly after getting divorced but had no friends or family help him during treatment so she let him move in. That was 6-7 years ago i believe.

I asked how in the world he handled that. His response was he and his ex get along so much better now that they aren't married. go figure.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1024 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

In my case, not even if hell froze over. I wouldn't do that to my son. It gives kids hope that things will go back to "normal" and when it doesn't, it tears them up. Divorce is hard enough without compounding it unnecessarily.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13647 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

There was someone last year who had her ex as a roommate for a while. Can't remember which member that was, though, or how it turned out.

Any other veterans remember this?


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24436 | Registered: Aug 2011
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

Nik, I do remember that, but not who it was. I don't believe kids were involved though.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13647 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

When we were in the discussions of D, I thought this was do'able.

In hindsight, I am SOOO glad I never went down that road.

Healing would of not been the same.

I am not sure if you are asking this for yourself or a friend. If for yourself - it doesn't sound like a good person to be roomies with (anger, lies, playing games with the kids, etc). Your home should be your own safe zone - a healthy place for you and your children.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 3:29 PM, August 15th (Thursday)]


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2010 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Rainbows
Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

I'm in the middle of living with STBX and it's pure hell on earth. He has zero regard for my feelings because he's "moving on with his life."

I'm still there for legal reasons, but could do without the show. Even though I filed for D and have healed a lot, it still triggers me and hurts because there is so much deep unresolved pain.


Suckstobeme put it best:

An unremorseful wayward would think nothing of doing exactly as he/she pleases. That means getting ready for dates, spending all hours on the phone, coming home late, not coming home at all, etc., and unless you have so detached that you can honestly say none of that would matter, it would be a version of hell on earth that I would try to avoid like the plague.

It really all depends on the character of your ex and how considerate and thoughtful he is of other people.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 389 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

There was someone last year who had her ex as a roommate for a while. Can't remember which member that was, though, or how it turned out.
Any other veterans remember this?
Sunny...something.
I think her name had Sunny in it, but I can recall either.

I'm with the previous posters though. I could not fathom living with XWH after D.
It was bad enough that it took him a couple of months to find an apartment the last time I asked him to leave.
He would "work late", but come home dressed up.
In the meantime, I had to keep it together for the kids and not unleash verbal hell on him every time I saw that smug, smarmy look on his face.

Ugh....he's so lucky I didnt poison him or beat him to death in his sleep. I'm not fond of the idea of going to prison.


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6076 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

Sunny...something.
I think her name had Sunny in it, but I can recall either.

Sunnysideup?


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13647 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

^^^ That sounds right to me - and as I recall it was working fine for them.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

Sunnysideup?

Yep! That's it, I think!


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6076 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
stillstrong
Member
Member # 36144
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

My DD's friend's parents live together. We didn't even know they were divorced until after we all went out to dinner (before a dance) and the parents didn't sit next to each other. When X and I mentioned it, DD told us they had divorced, then moved in together a few years later to co-parent and save money. It works for them, and my X and I may consider it later when emotions have died down.

[This message edited by stillstrong at 7:14 PM, August 15th (Thursday)]


Me BS 47
Him WS 51
DDay LTA Feb 21, 2006
R until DDay 2EA's 1/31/12 ONS 2/5/12 Broken NC 7/12/12
Moved out 9/12
Legally Separated 3/13


Posts: 848 | Registered: Jul 2012
hurtbs
Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

No. Did in house separation and that was hell on earth.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15249 | Registered: Jun 2006
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

Yuck. And also no.

Also did the in-house separation... that was bad enough.

Besides... my XWH probably wouldn't have wanted me to live with him after the D since he married the OW one month later... that might have been a bit awkward.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, August 16th (Friday)

I cannot think of anything worse.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 819 | Registered: Mar 2013
aesir
Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 1:08 AM, August 16th (Friday)

I had quite a few months after we settled on divorce where we lived together. It was not that bad, but really required getting my head in the right place to not be worrying about what she did and such. I could not have done it if I was angry, or not able to detach.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 6:12 AM, August 16th (Friday)

Yeah hell would have to freeze over first.

I have heard of a solution where the kids stay put in the family home and the parents come and go week to week. I think you would have to have a lot of money behind you for this to occur to be able to pay for 3 households.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1284 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, August 16th (Friday)

I would rather eat ground glass than live with Mr. Trac-Fone again.

We did an in-home separation after d-day, and it was a living hell.

I remain his healthcare proxy (long complicated history, but I'm the best one for the role), so if he ever has a heart transplant (like anyone with a brain would allocate an organ to a trainwreck like him), I suppose he'll be back here during (what tends to be a rather rapid) convalescence.

But he'll be out as soon as the staples are. I'm DONE with him.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8337 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 22