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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: I should be a non factor
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

To ex asswipe, but apparently I'm not.

It's been three years. I barely say a word, and only when it comes to my kids. I've swallowed bite after bite of shit sandwich with him and that trashbag and only speak up when totally necessary. I haven't even set eyes on him in months.

So why feel the need to rip on me?

Nothing major but definitely little digs that he will say to the kids. Some of you may recall he talks about my age to the kids. I'm five years younger than him so I'm not sure why the need to do that, but he apparently continues to do it. And, he still talks about my house and brags that his yard is bigger.

Um ... Ok. Whatever.

He also will make a point to make his presence known. If he's gonna be on a local news clip, he makes a big point to tell me so the kids can watch. He rarely texts or emails me about anything else. I barely respond, but would love to tell him to DVR it mother fucker or watch it with them online. Then, he put a big , close up selfie of his face on my kid's I pod so that it pops up whenever you turn the damn thing on.

Seriously?

I'm gone. I say nothing. The only public social media I do is LinkedIn. I've disappeared as much as possible and this is the immature bullshit he wants to hand me? I thought happy people acted, um, I don't know, happy? Somebody should remind him I should be a non factor, just like he treated me when he thought he stumbled onto the promised land.

Asshole.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2508 | Registered: Jan 2011
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

Well, he's a total NPD, and this sounds par for the course. I mean, he's got a job where he gets to mug for the camera, and he feels that the world is his audience, and that includes you, of course. It doesn't matter what he's done-- you're STILL one of his adoring fans, in his mind. He's just a bottomless hole, and he's looking for endless accolades to fill him up... only that ain't ever gonna happen because it's impossible. No one will ever be able to give him that kind of adoring, sustained attention forever, not even the skanky OW.

Once your kids get older, and he realizes that he can't snow them anymore with whatever BS tactics he uses, then this will all stop. They will no longer be of use to him, and you will no longer have to endure contact with him. Just keep doing what you're doing. Eventually, he'll realize that you and your kids have nothing to offer him, and he'll go seeking the recognition and backslaps he think he so richly deserves elsewhere.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3406 | Registered: Oct 2011
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, August 15th (Thursday)

I've said it before and I'll say it again - show your dick some respect and at least try to pretend your life is better this way.

I don't understand why they need to keep doing it. I just want to be invisible and so far it seems to be mostly working.

I can't stop the fuckery so I'm working on getting to indifference.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 7:34 AM, August 16th (Friday)]


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4576 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Sparkles
Member
Member # 39901
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, August 16th (Friday)

So why feel the need to rip on me?

Don't you know you were supposed to just fall apart after he left??!!?! How dare you behave like a person with dignity and class? You are no longer being graced by his most fabulous and charming presence, at least have the decency to fall apart at the seams and become a miserable wretch.

He's just petty and pissed that you are holding it together so well. Keep doing what you are doing. His immature little comments just mean that he is feeling like the loser.


Posts: 138 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: In a better place
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, August 16th (Friday)

It sounds like a show, like Perv does. The more I fade into the distance/background, the more he stomps around, so to speak.

When I was finally able to go long periods of NC, do you know what he would do? He would actually honk his horn when he came and went! For a time, I couldn't stand seeing or hearing him and would do as you do and be as silent as possible. It drew him out more, as you say...

What's nice is that now he's employed again and between that and OW is "busy". But when he comes to collect her, there he is again having to make his presence known...but as your WH does, on his terms.

Yes, your Wh does sound like he has some narcissism and one trait is the hatred of being ignored. Being on stage is a craving and being seen in a hero's light is a part of the ego feed.

Also, if you ever said anything negative to him...and I mean ever...now that he is away from you physically, maybe he's letting out resentments, which Perv is doing, also. That's been considered passive aggressive by counselors I've been too, when a person can't tell you how they feel to your face but do it from afar or a rumor, but in your presence is "peaceful". That's Perv, to a T.

I am trying hard to do as you are and become a non-factor in his life, though I have great pain because of being codependent for so long.

Also, if there are things like money he pays you, it could be making a grudge, which I've heard of and have going on.

ETA: he's also asked me if my phone is broken.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 4:52 PM, August 16th (Friday)]


Ashland 13

The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge


Posts: 1965 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, August 17th (Saturday)

ETA: he's also asked me if my phone is broken.

Phone's fine. Its my give a fuck that is broken.


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4576 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 6