SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: SA Ex is driving me Nuts!
Averyhurtgirl
New Member
Member # 37762
Default  Posted: 1:51 AM, August 16th (Friday)

So my soon to be ex-husband did not answer my son's phone call on my ex's birthday.

My son bought him a card, gift, and wanted to take him out for ice cream. Its the first thing my son said that morning is that its my baba's birthday. However, we left messages ad called so many times - no answer. I called today spoo many times with my son and no answer. I emailed him telling him to please talk to my son because he is sad that his baba did not call him. He has been saying I miss my baba to everyone.

So I am pretty sure he went out of town, maybe Las Vegas again for his birthday. I went to the home with my sister and he was not there.

It is very irritatating to know that he is probably screwing girls right now while I am hear taking care of my sad boy and making excuses for this behavior.

It is very irritating that he has not learned his lesson. He is continuing to do these things and pretend like he has changed. I am really upset that he is getting away with all of this.
A peice of me just wants to meet someone so I can get back at him.

A piece of me wants to just move on with my life with another guy. I feel like meeting a guy would help me recover and help me ignore the constant pain that he is still putting me through.


Posts: 49 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Oregan
npain
Member
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, August 16th (Friday)

((((Averyhurtgirl))))


S,beginning D

Posts: 508 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, August 16th (Friday)

It is very irritatating to know that he is probably screwing girls right now while I am hear taking care of my sad boy and making excuses for this behavior.
Don't excuse his behavior. You can support your son without doing that.

A piece of me wants to just move on with my life with another guy. I feel like meeting a guy would help me recover and help me ignore the constant pain that he is still putting me through.
Danger, Will Robinson! So many flags in that statement. For starters -
1. Ignoring the pain doesn't fix it. You have to walk through Hell in order to get out of it.
2. Don't look for someone else to fix you and take away your pain. That's a solo job, and you are on the hook for it.
3. Focus on you and your son. Period. Your time and attention need to be on rebuilding yourself and your life. Your son is counting on you. There will be time for dating. This isn't it.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25508 | Registered: Aug 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, August 16th (Friday)

Do not feel that you have to cover for this dipshit to make your son feel better. In the end, your son will not feel better because someday he will realize that you are making excuses for him. This is tough shit to get through. But you have to get through it. I have to go through similar things with my four year old. I don't excuse his father's crappy behavior, I acknowledge it when it seems like Teslet needs it acknowledged and then we move on and focus on us. We are the family now and a lot of my energy that used to go into propping ex-shat up in my child's mind now goes to building us into a family-team.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, August 16th (Friday)

I'm sorry for your hurt, Avery HG, and it may stink to hear, but it's my thought that turning to another guy won't solve things. It would be like a band aid, I think and what if things didn't work out then?

My interpretation of your post is that you may be in some need of release and it sounds like you have a lot of frustration and pent up feelings and thoughts.

For a brief time I felt as you did with DD and that I had to protect her father but also her from what he had done. Now I answer her questions as matter of factly, but simply, as I can, but I tell the truth to her and think it's important to a kid to have the truth-even the little ones. We all deserve it.

You sound like a good mom and I can hear the Mama Bear coming out that I've had to work on, too. Mama Bear's not easy because in some ways we have to put those instincts aside to protect ourselves and our kids, even though it doesn't make sense.

We can't control our WSs, can we? We can't force them to want to be family people and we can even cause them to run further.

I'm sorry for your pain and for your son's pain, we have that too and every time it happens again, I see and feel our daughter's pain freshly. I've learned a lot with occasions, but now what I like to do is talk to her a few days before an occasion.

I tell her simple things and I want her to feel or think that it's okay to honor a person even when it's not the very day. It's still important and reaching out and showing appreciation on a different day. We've gone through similar things and I finally put a stop to it by not contacting him on those days other than "Happy birthday" or Happy whatever day. I let her know that I did, and now I have her call and leave a message, so that she can have done something and I can step aside.

I had a lot to learn about stepping aside and he is falling from grace in her eyes with each disappointment. I'm done cleaning up his messes, but I help with her emotions by saying, "I'm sorry" and a hug and nothing about him. Then we get up and go do something distracting.

Sorry for my long post.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 5