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Reconciliation
User Topic: advice of sorts
16forever
Member
Member # 37255
Default  Posted: 2:28 AM, August 16th (Friday)

Iam sure everyone knows from previous post I am not a good communicator I try I do any way I want to visit my mom she lives in another state and this past year she suffered a traumatic brain injury that as altered her personality she almost died she spent 2 months in icu and when 8t happened we drove to see her she was in a medical coma for her safety so she didnt even know I was there other than this trip I havent seen my mom in 3 yrs and I was trying to drive there this summer know heres my complaint so my H is the one who suggested driving I said good idea saves money its also the start of a new school year u know what that means and my car needs two tires for the trip all is doable with a little going without on sum things not major stuff but my WS says to me well we arent going to force the trip ur not going to leave me here with like 100 dollars rite (he cant go and he doesnt want me to go either)anyway it upsets me then he doesnt even try and help to save money or find tires because of course he doesnt want me going and I just sit here and think gee thanks its my mom who almost died and u cant do what ever u can to make this work for me i know its part of him being selfish and course I have decided I cant make it work to go so I call work and tell them cancel my vacation days and I tell him I did it and he says well thats ur choice and before that when I would talk about it all I could hear in my head is him saying dont force it no being the carpet I am I feel like every plan I was making he was saying in his head I told her dont force iti just wanted him to say babe I will do what ever I have to to make it happen but no this is important to me he knows that its my mom it just upsets me so much when he went on his hunting trips I did what ever I needed to make it happen for him cus it was important to him why cant he do that for me I just realy want to go see her she cant come here to many dr appt and therapy


Me:BS
Him:WS
3 awesome kids

Posts: 179 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: My own nightmare
still-living
Member
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, August 16th (Friday)

I am sorry you are hurting, and sorry about your mom.

It seems like your husband is not willing to invest in what you value, emotionally, financially, or effort wise. The need to visit your mom because of the condition she is in would be non-debatable in my home. Actions speak louder than words. I would treat your husbands actions as a red flag.

Do you have family that can loan you money or car?


BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14

Recovery is building a pyramid of inference from which to climb and see clearer, and heavy usage of the reflexive loop.


Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
16forever
Member
Member # 37255
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, August 16th (Friday)

Well today I called my mom to say I couldnt come and she was getting upset so she offered to give me money when I get there to drive back on my H still diesnt aprove and again today he said I was forcing it but I decided to go anyway because even if he cant make it a priority to him its a priority to me iam sure there will be a argument of sorts before I leave but I guess I will deal with it


Me:BS
Him:WS
3 awesome kids

Posts: 179 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: My own nightmare
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, August 16th (Friday)

..
I decided to go anyway because even if he cant make it a priority to him its a priority to me

..this is YOUR mom, and you absolutely should go to see her.

..do NOT, under any circumstances, let your H talk, bully or manipulate you into changing your mind!!

he is trying to control you to suit his agenda..

..remind him, when you get back, that you SUPPORTED himfor a stinking hunting trip.... this is your mother, for heavens sake, and he should be completely supporting your efforts to visit her..

..glad to see that you have shown strength,determination and conviction in going to her side..

the money aspect will take care of itself somehow..

..sending good travel mojo to you and hope you find your mom in good health and spirits..

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 6:58 PM, August 16th (Friday)]


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4115 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
guarded
Member
Member # 25364
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, August 18th (Sunday)

My mom also suffered a traumatic brain injury and spent over a month in a coma in ICU out of state this year. The damage is significant and this has been the worst year of my life. (Even worse than dray and our separation). My WH has done everything possible to be supportive in this situation and it has still been tough. I can not begin to imagine dealing with it with your WS. He is being not only selfish, but flat out cruel.
Please DO NOT skip this trip. You will always regret it if you do. My
prayers go out to you and your mom.


In R? But how do you know it isn't another pack of lies?

Posts: 451 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: NY
16forever
Member
Member # 37255
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, August 19th (Monday)

Thanks everyone I am going come hell or high water I just keep telling my self that its my mom and its very important to me my H is coming around a bit but he would still I rather not go but iam letting it in one ear and out the other Tomorrow iam getting the tires so its gna happen iam a little nervous drive 800 miles but I can do it my dd is gna share the driving yaaaay gna go see my mom


Me:BS
Him:WS
3 awesome kids

Posts: 179 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: My own nightmare
guarded
Member
Member # 25364
Default  Posted: 5:44 AM, August 19th (Monday)

Wishing you joy and a safe trip.

Watch and enjoy the company and the scenery. It truly sounds like you don't get to experience much. Please revel in this trip and your mom. The destination is wonderful, but please enjoy the journey.


In R? But how do you know it isn't another pack of lies?

Posts: 451 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 7