SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: At Peace
movingforward13
Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, August 16th (Friday)

STBXH and I had a conversation (long one) which has left me strangely at peace.

1. He is stubborn, prideful, in the fog, whatever, but clearly blamed me the majority of our conversation which I turned back on him saying that he hasn't owned up to what he did to me and our family.

2. Once he saw the blaming me wasn't going to work, AKA deflect and project on to me, he revealed three things to me-
*He still loved and cared about me
*He is full of regret and remorse (thanks to SI I know it isn't true remorse)
*He still considers us as family and knows that I have been a very good person to him as a girlfriend/fiancée/wife and mother of his child.

3. Hearing him say these words freely made me realize that all I wanted from him was vindication. That I wasn't this horrible monster that he had to get away from and OW wasn't this perfect angel from heaven that helped him escape (even though he never told her about me).
While we hear it all the time, the cheater has a problem with themselves, it isn't you, it is them, etc. I guess for some strange reason I needed to hear him say it.

He did not ask for anything nor did I, as this was a conversation that started about our son so I do believe those words were coming from his heart (and honestly took a lot for him to say). I guess it was my closure. Whether or not he is still with OW, it doesn't matter any more. I hope their relationship fairs better than ours and he is truly happy with her. Who knows, maybe they are a better match. I am now excited for my NB, I really feel like someone good is out there for me.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 6:01 PM, August 16th (Friday)]


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 638 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, August 16th (Friday)

I'm glad you have reached peace. Onward!!


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25264 | Registered: Aug 2011
gma56
Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, August 16th (Friday)

Who knows, maybe they are a better match. I am now excited for my NB, I really feel like someone good is out there for me.
You have a NB ahead with endless possibilities. There are good people to love out there.


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20371 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, August 16th (Friday)

Wow ~ I would love to hear that from my stbx . You worded it perfectly ~ "vindication". I'm kind of shocked that one of our (D/S gang) WS's actually said those things. I think if my stbx told me that, I would find peace too.

I'm so happy that it brought you peace. Their relationship will not fair better but who cares. You continue to move forward with you life with "vindication"!!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2183 | Registered: Oct 2012
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, August 16th (Friday)

I think if my stbx told me that, I would find peace too.

Yes, I would find peace. Eternal peace. Because the shock would kill me.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9637 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

Yes, I would find peace. Eternal peace. Because the shock would kill me.
NG ... YOU KILL ME !!!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2183 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 6