STBXH and I had a conversation (long one) which has left me strangely at peace.
1. He is stubborn, prideful, in the fog, whatever, but clearly blamed me the majority of our conversation which I turned back on him saying that he hasn't owned up to what he did to me and our family.
2. Once he saw the blaming me wasn't going to work, AKA deflect and project on to me, he revealed three things to me-
*He still loved and cared about me
*He is full of regret and remorse (thanks to SI I know it isn't true remorse)
*He still considers us as family and knows that I have been a very good person to him as a girlfriend/fiancée/wife and mother of his child.
3. Hearing him say these words freely made me realize that all I wanted from him was vindication. That I wasn't this horrible monster that he had to get away from and OW wasn't this perfect angel from heaven that helped him escape (even though he never told her about me).
While we hear it all the time, the cheater has a problem with themselves, it isn't you, it is them, etc. I guess for some strange reason I needed to hear him say it.
He did not ask for anything nor did I, as this was a conversation that started about our son so I do believe those words were coming from his heart (and honestly took a lot for him to say). I guess it was my closure. Whether or not he is still with OW, it doesn't matter any more. I hope their relationship fairs better than ours and he is truly happy with her. Who knows, maybe they are a better match. I am now excited for my NB, I really feel like someone good is out there for me. Me- Divorced! 12/4/13
"They cling to their bad choices out of shame, because it is far easier to continue to destroy yourself than to do the heavy work required to fix yourself." - a wiser SIer