SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Seperation Agreement
Betrayeddaddio
Member
Member # 30198
Question  Posted: 12:52 AM, August 17th (Saturday)

I know this is a big question, but any tips on what to include (for those that have already done it and regret not putting something in).

We go in a few days to the mediator, STXWW has put an offer in on a house which is close and will be good for our kids, but we need to get the buy-out for the matrimonial home started for her down payment...so this is a little rushed.

I thought about the "no opposite sex over nights with kids present" clause, but being a BH I don't see much reason for it since she didn't respect the fidelity in marriage, why would she in divorce, plus what are the penalties, and how do you enforce it? (she presently isn't dating, to my knowledge)

I am planning on every other weekend with girls and a night during the week (when I am not working nights), every other year for the big holidays, nearest sunday to their birthdays I would get (regardless of my weekend or not). Two weeks summer vacation (my work) I would get them.

Buy-out for house and CS, no real other assets to argue over (hopefully).....anything else?


BH-42 WW-40 DD-5 DD-9 DD-11
D-Day 09/27/2010 Wayward wife had a 10 month A with married DB co-worker Separated Oct. 2013

Posts: 692 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Canada
sparklezombie
Member
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, August 17th (Saturday)

Some things to consider:

Think about sharing or swapping smaller holidays like Halloween and the 4th. Otherwise you'll miss out on those. Birthdays should be shared or one parent gets day before and other parent gets day of, regardless of who would normally have child on that day. No overnight guests of opposite sex is important.

Right if first refusal. If she can't care for kids for more than two hours you get right of first refusal to care for them

Joint custody on big decisions like medical and schooling.

Must have contact info for where staying if go out of town.

No bodily changes like piercing or tattoos without other parents permission.

Will child support last until child is 18 or until graduates from high school?

That's all I can think of right now


BS: Me
WH: Husband
Married 11.5 years
Two false R's.
Status: R, I guess. Trying to find the path of least regret...

Posts: 219 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, August 17th (Saturday)

Sort out things like car insurance for when the kids are driving, college/university costs, everything, now. If it isn't in there, it could be a problem later.

Even though it's hard to enforce, I'd put in the clause about no opposite sex overnights. Yes, it's hard to enforce, but if you have to take her back to court for something else, if she breaks this, you can add it to the list of things you are taking her back to court for. Also, she just might think twice about doing it...mine did, and I managed to have the kids not meet the OW at all because he did want to look like he was doing what was best for kids. Also, if you don't have it in there and she starts bringing random hookups home every night, you will have a harder time getting to keep the kids. With the clause, I'd stop letting the kids go overnight if she's doing that crap and let her take me to court over it.


BS(me) 46, kids DS 17, DD 14.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5208 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

Split of extracurricular costs, but both parents must agree on the extracurricular. This will prevent her from signing the kids up for every random thing and expecting you to pay.

Be specific about place and time of drop off and pick up for visitation. You don;t have to stick to it, but if there is ever and issue you can insist that on following the schedule exactly.

Have a clause about moving. Something like neither parent can move more than 50 (or 100 or whatever works for you) from their current home without written agreement from the other parent. This will prevent her from taking the kids and moving halfway across the country.

Cover school breaks for your visitation schedule also. Think about spring break, christmas break, fall break (if they have that), long holiday weekends, etc. Perhaps specify that if it is your weekend of visitation on a long holiday then you get to keep them the extra day.

If either of you have strong religious beliefs then you may want to cover religious education of the kids.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17263 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Sylviana
Member
Member # 9446
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

I assume you already have guaranteed joint custody of the children and medical and educational decisions have to be made jointly with your x-spouse.

On top of it I would include:

1. Proportionate share of s.7 expenses (include all presently covered expenses). All new s.7 have to be agreed between the parties.

2. Access extended to Mondays on your long weekends.

3. Alternate Thanksgiving, March break, Family Day (February).
4. Father's Day.
5. Post secondary education is already included under s.7, however you should include a clause regarding payment of s.3 when child is attending school away from home. You can add that s.3 child support is payable after child comes home for the summer.


BW,2 kids
FREEDOM-the only valuable gift ever received from my ex. It took me almost 3 years to understand it, 5 years and a lot of $ to get divorced.
Healed and happy to be single again.

Posts: 300 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Canada
stillstrong
Member
Member # 36144
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

Think about sharing or swapping smaller holidays like Halloween and the 4th. Otherwise you'll miss out on those. Birthdays should be shared or one parent gets day before and other parent gets day of, regardless of who would normally have child on that day. No overnight guests of opposite sex is important.

My agreement had all the holidays pre-done(?). Birthdays were stipulated every other year, with the proviso that if parent who had birthday priveleges was at work, other parent was free to spend that time with child.

Right of first refusal. If she can't care for kids for more than two hours you get right of first refusal to care for them

Yes. Important for if custodial parent leaves kids alone or with someone else for hours at a time. (My state it's 6 hours) My X got a stern talking to for doing this, and a warning that a judge would not like it at all.

Sort out things like car insurance for when the kids are driving, college/university costs, everything, now.

Yes, we split college, car insurance, the car purchase. Don't forget braces and the like. Also put a cap on college costs. Ex: both parties to pay 50% of college costs, up to a maximum of $25,000 per year. This way, if your ex wants to send the kids to Harvard, and you want them to go to a more reasonably priced school, that's fine. Everything over your half of $25,000 has to be paid by her. Not capping college costs, then disagreeing on where they should go is scary indeed.
Also, you might want to specify that you will only cover X years of college.
In X's last state, he was required by law to pay until 21 (3 years). In my state college is not required at all, but he agreed to pay for all 4 years. If you want to pay for, and intend to pay for, your kids to go to school an additional 8 years and become doctors, you can do that out of the goodness of your heart. But if times are tough and you can't do it, you don't want to be tied to it.

Most of what everyone else said also.


Me BS 47
Him WS 51
DDay LTA Feb 21, 2006
R until DDay 2EA's 1/31/12 ONS 2/5/12 Broken NC 7/12/12
Moved out 9/12
Legally Separated 3/13


Posts: 848 | Registered: Jul 2012
Betrayeddaddio
Member
Member # 30198
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

Okay, wrote down the extra's I didn't have, thanks.


BH-42 WW-40 DD-5 DD-9 DD-11
D-Day 09/27/2010 Wayward wife had a 10 month A with married DB co-worker Separated Oct. 2013

Posts: 692 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Canada
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

Here are some ideas for you:

http://www.kimberlydunham.com/BrownVisitation.pdf


This is the standard for South Carolina,,, but it will give you some ideas.

As you can see, no overnights with lovers is allowed.I also got the first right of refusal after 4 hours.. So,, I had heard OW was staying overnight, and XWH left our son with her while he went to work during his 2 week visitation. One quick call to my atty who called his atty and Viola that stopped the overnights. IF the OW were a decent human being I might have let it ride, but I believe she is a sex addict who will have sex with good looking high school boys AND the age of consent in SC is 16!

You never know who your WW is going to drag into the house next, so this is a good one. If you ever find out it's happening, you can probably afford a PI to make a few driveby's overnight, take pictures and then you can have your atty call her and perhaps put a stop to it.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1693 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 8