User Topic: I thought we were special, root of all mistakes
Member # 37152
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

I really did think we were special
we were having trouble but we were special and would work through it
he had an affair but we could overcome
we had issues at work but we were committed
we had kids that were special and a house and history and a future that was special
people would say get away from him save yourself get a lawyer don't let him treat you this way
but I knew we were special that our love and friendship could overcome anything and that it seemed bad but I didn't want to speak up or get a lawyer or ruin the chances for us to make it through this
ha ha ha
jokes on me!
we are not special I am just the same as ever abused betrayed spouse and he is the same as every manipulative cheating lyier
our kids are not special enough for him to want to make a real effort
our business not special enough to survive through this
I was not special to him
and it turns out the special person I thought he was I made up in my head
I have to get a grip on reality get a lawyer and fight just like everyone else cause it turns out nothing was special here

A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself
BS Me 43
WH 42
DD June 2nd '12
LTA (2+ yrs)
False R Many times from July '12 till now forced D
OW: acting like she is the wife

Posts: 186 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Guelph
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.I know how heart breaking it is to realize the man you thought he was, never existed. Having to fight the man you love, for things, because he has turned into the stereotypical wayward is so discouraging.

I told one of my friends at our 30th anniversary that I trusted him completely. Two weeks later I was blindsided. Then like you, I thought he was a good man and would do things right for me - wrong.It's another step in betrayal.

I wish you strength in your days ahead.Do not think if you go easy on him, he will come back. It never works that way. Hugs,

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.

Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry. I remember that moment of realization too...


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4129 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

That is a hard pill to swallow. We've all choked it down, though.

You will be ok and realize YOU are special. One day at a time.. One moment at a time.

divorced the Dooosh
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.

Posts: 3612 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

Hugs. That was a very difficult realization for me, too. However, it does help you move forward.

Divorced and beginning my new life.

2 Ddays and lots of TT

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 36559
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

Hugs. That realization was hard for me too.

Me 36
DS 16
DD 4


I've made a huge mistake - GOB

Posts: 71 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: missmydogs
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

I'm still struggling with this as well. It is one of the suckiest things about this suckfest.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
Member # 37152
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

It's funny that we all have that belief and it hurts to find its not true
Now when I need my best friend most it is hard to find out I don't have one
I have no desire to date but I wish I had someone
My kids and family have been amazing but I know they don't understand why I am still not over this and I feel weak
I have done so much I never thought I could or ever would have wanted to
Divorce is filed and I did it all I moved his stuff out I fixed my finances and got a separation and divorce I did it even though I didn't want any of it
I am strong
But I am very very unhappy
Thanks to SI for everything you are a remarkable group of people

A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself
BS Me 43
WH 42
DD June 2nd '12
LTA (2+ yrs)
False R Many times from July '12 till now forced D
OW: acting like she is the wife

Posts: 186 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Guelph
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, August 17th (Saturday)


I think we can all relate to you. I also thought I was such a lucky woman, had a wonderful husband, beautiful children, beautiful home, etc. I also never imagined that my husband could do something like this to me...that he could ever be so cruel and cold. He watched me cry in despair and told me to get a counselor to cry to and that I needed to just get over it.

Just know that when you've had some time to heal and reflect back at your marriage, you might see it a bit differently. I now realize that not everything was as rosy as I had thought. He was dishonest about things all the way along, they were just little things, so I let them go. Now, I realize what a red flag that was. He had no problems being dishonest with me. He was also away from home a lot for his job. I basically raised the kids alone anyway, so him moving out hasn't been a big deal. I'm still hurt and in pain, but almost 6 months out and I've come a long way. I can honestly say that I'm happier now than I was in my marriage. I'm excited about the future and getting a second chance at real love.

Hang in there. This is a long and painful process, but you WILL get there. I spent a lot of time browsing the New Beginnings board to see what it was like to be healed. I use those people as my inspiration to know that it can be done and that I will get there.

BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 918 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

^^What NS and everyone else said.

The betrayals beyond infidelity were the hardest to deal with right up until I got to this point. Until then I was still holding onto a shred of hope that the man I thought I married was in there somewhere. I knew I couldn't be married to him but there HAD to be some good in him. There isn't - not as a husband, not as a friend, not as a human being, not as a father.

UO said it best - it wasn't the cheating, it was the promises of love and protection that hurt the most.

It was a bitter, bitter pill to swallow. But absolutely essential in my healing. I am no longer hope to see a glimpse of the man I risked everything on.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

You ARE special and so are your children. Don't let his actions make you lose sight of that. Like everyone has said, it is such a hard pill to swallow ~ having to accept that the person we thought we were married to, doesn't exist.

You will make it through and discover strengths that you didn't even know you had. Continue to make YOU a priority and work on healing and rebuilding your life. It does get so much better. A few months ago, I probably would have jumped at the chance to R but now I realize I am so much more worthy of shitty crumbs.

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2268 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 39372
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, August 18th (Sunday)


I thought we were special too.

He served me a special shit sandwich.

I live in a special hell.

I have also discovered some special skills, that I had no idea I possessed!

Self respect, resiliency, and strength.

You've got them too.

Me BS 46
Him WS 48
Together 18 yrs
Daughter 9
DD Nov 13/12
Today ?

Posts: 60 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 12