SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Message i just sent to my WH
hobbeskat
Member
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

I may still be a bit of a wreck, but I think I am close to forgiving you. Not forgetting, and not that we don't have making up and work to do. But I really no longer have any desire to punish you for anything. Even when hammered where I'm likely to be at my most emotional, I'm kind and loving about you when I wasnt previously. Because you have done and continue to do so much to help me feel loved and safe again and to earn my trust. So thank you for that. Sorry for texting, its because I'm going out and don't want to wake you up x

:)
And it's true.
Her, on the other hand, I will never forgive. But my raging hatred at her is fading.


Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

Now that is a very nice text!

Her, on the other hand, I will never forgive.

I totally get this. I made a conscious decision to never forgive the OM, and once I made that decision, it helped me start to let go of the hate, and he started take up less real estate in my head.


"I would rather take a punch than not give you a shot. I'd rather find out who you are than who you're not."

Posts: 6269 | Registered: Dec 2010
hobbeskat
Member
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

I think I need to do that. I will never get over the fact that when I turned to her for help when he walked out, she said he'd never cheat on me and even offered to move in with me to help me with the rent. Never.

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
doesitgetbetter
Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

Word of caution, don't feel bad if you find later on that you aren't as close as you thought to forgiving him. I thought I actually had forgiven him at about 4 months out, told him so as well. Almost immediately I realized I hadn't and started panicking about it, so I took it back (that was such a sad day for both of us). It took a full 2 years after that to actually get to the point of forgiveness. I had to process all the phases of healing first, the acceptance, the grieving, etc. And that takes a while, it's a marathon, not a sprint. But enjoy the good days while they are here.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
whattheh
Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

what doesitgetbetter said...

we've learned forgiveness is a process and has stages too...

Check out the book "How Can I Forgive You" by Janice Abrams Spring.

My fWH and I are currently working thru geniune forgiveness.

[This message edited by whattheh at 5:31 PM, August 17th (Saturday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 485 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
hobbeskat
Member
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

His reply: You have been wonderful to me during this time, I wasn't able to deal with what I did initially and my inability to discuss anything must have made it even more difficult for you. I Love you and want us to survive this mess. It's beginning to feel better, more solid. I did notice you were hammered without messaging me upset, and I interpreted it as a promising sign. I adore you. You're a glorious human being. P.S. I drove the DLR xxx

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
ccw82
Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

I liked your disclaimer:

"Not forgetting, and not that we don't have making up and work to do."

It cautions him that tough times are likely still ahead, but that you're open to forgiveness.


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, August 17th (Saturday)

What a great text and wonderful response. You are lucky!!


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

ôSlide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4530 | Registered: Dec 2010
Topic Posts: 8