SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Teaching son Man-Skills
EZ4U
New Member
Member # 37703
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, August 19th (Monday)

So the Ex had promised (yeah right)at time of divorce he would repair anything at house that had to do with our child or his stuff. Trouble is he says yeah, sure then comes up with excuse after excuse why he can't come round.
The tarp on the shelter covering son's ATVs is ripped? - sure, no probs,here is the size tarp to buy, then excuses.
The faucet in son's bathroom won't work? - will only take an hour to do/go buy the parts... then excuses.
His car has a squeeky brake pedal and taillight is out? Great father/son chore, just get the parts - do in a jiffy at my apt. Excuses...
Well, I used to bang my head against the wall trying to remind him of his promises, then tried having son text him when are we going to fix these things together Dad? Sadly the kid has experienced the extent of parent's empty promises.
Now, I let son try to connect with his dad once or twice just to say he got the opportunity to be more than a "dinner date" to his only child, then we buck up and fix it ourselves.
So far we have learned to change tarps despite scary heights on a ladder, replace two faucets, change taillights, lube car joints,repair dog kennels,build school props with drills and circular saws....all by ourselves or with the guidance of 82 y/o grandpa (nothing is more heartwarming than hearing grandpa from his seat in the bathroom bantering to his grandson who is working under the sink about what a basin wrench is for, the right way to put on plumber's tape, or watching grandpa pass tools back and forth to this grandson like an assistant.)
My child has learned he can do stuff, usefull stuff.Not just watch his dad do it all without letting him help and call it teaching. And my father and I get all the bonding time and laughs over our imperfect but quite functional repairs.
I,like many here, have learned to take on the teaching skills of both mother and father - so to the do-ers and bonders out there making well rounded kids. I salute you!


"I shall Forgive and Forget.
Forgive myself for being stupid and Forget about you."

Posts: 38 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Central Florida
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, August 19th (Monday)

Awe. Some.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25313 | Registered: Aug 2011
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, August 19th (Monday)

Fantastic!


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6442 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
TXBW68
Member
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, August 19th (Monday)

That was my mom growing up! She was "Mom" and "Dad" to us! One of my prized possessions to this day is my very own red hammer she gave me for my 18th birthday. (She gave me other stuff too - but I was Miss Fix-It by then and needed a new hammer!)

When H wanted to borrow my hammer during our separation, I just laughed. Hell no - you don't touch my hammer! It hangs in the garage in a place of honor.

My mom passed away suddenly 10 years ago. I still miss her every day but I wouldn't trade the memories we shared for the world!

The waywards just don't realize what they're missing when they walk out on their kids...


Me (45) WH (42),2 boys 14 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 788 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
EZ4U
New Member
Member # 37703
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, August 19th (Monday)

The Ex is truly missing out. He is a smart guy w many skills he could be passing along to a child who likes to work on things. I wish he saw more of that side of his dad.
The blessing is that grandpa is having the best years of his life filling in the gaps. Grandpa is not able to crawl under stuff and gets out of breath easy but he can sure supervise and teach w patience. I just set him up in the shade, get all the tools and supplies and he tells us what to do step by step. He is the consultant, son is the muscle, and I am the helper bee. A good thing I can cherish down the road.


"I shall Forgive and Forget.
Forgive myself for being stupid and Forget about you."

Posts: 38 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Central Florida
aLadypilot
Member
Member # 1822
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, August 19th (Monday)

Yay, you!


Divorced 9/2010
Just married 7/4/13

Posts: 4081 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Twin Cities
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, August 19th (Monday)

That is incredible bonding and learning time that will never be forgotten by any of you. Great job!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1096 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, August 19th (Monday)

I just set him up in the shade, get all the tools and supplies and he tells us what to do step by step. He is the consultant, son is the muscle, and I am the helper bee. A good thing I can cherish down the road.

What a cool *visual*.....and awesome memories of time well-spent. Totally sigh-worthy (in a way)


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8005 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, August 19th (Monday)

Great post!


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7643 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
heartbroken_kk
Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, August 19th (Monday)

YES! That is just AWESOME. You go girl! and Grampa too!

And here is a little something about your son's "father"

http://www.upworthy.com/watch-this-guy-misspell-father-at-a-spelling-bee-for-a-beautiful-reason-5


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1177 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
foxglove
Member
Member # 21791
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, August 19th (Monday)

What a great post! I'm sorry that XH won't be doing these things with his son, but it's great to have your dad step in. I hope your son remembers this time fondly as well in the future.


Me (BS)47
XH (WS)53
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two sons 21 and 23 in college

Posts: 1453 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
EZ4U
New Member
Member # 37703
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, August 19th (Monday)

Heartbroken.
Great link. i held my breath listening to it. May all our children find their strengths and remember those who loved them most through these tough times.


"I shall Forgive and Forget.
Forgive myself for being stupid and Forget about you."

Posts: 38 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Central Florida
Topic Posts: 12