Well I too have my own story and the reasons I did what I did. In reality my BH did not deserve what I did. He was sweet, loving, giving, helpful and a great father. I was selfish and cheated on him on 2 separate occasions. The first during the first year of marriage and the second 6 years later.
I wish I had a good answer as to why I would betray my beautiful husband but it all sounds like BS. I hate what I have done to him... He no longer looks at me with love in his eyes. HE feels cold to the touch and his silence is deafening. We are in IC and I'm seen a psych as well. Im on meds and I sincerely feel like a different person. I am able to care for my kids who are still so young just 2 & 3... I know its disgusting. I can't get past all the destruction all the hurt and humiliation I've brought onto both of us.
I feel as if I were standing in a huge gaping hole darkness everywhere screaming but just cant be heard. This is the worst kind of hurt I have ever felt. I'm so alone I feel so ashamed. I don't have my family here and I don't really have close friends...The bottom line is, I just wan't my sweet husband back but I fear I have lost him forever.
Me WW 35 BH 33
DDAY 1 April1 2013 DDay2 MAY 2013