User Topic: Secret cell phone
Member # 39502
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, August 19th (Monday)

Obviously, I've read several times that the WS often gets a secret cell phone after D-day.

My WH has his own cell, and he has a blackberry for work. The blackberry is for e-mail only. He says he doesn't know the phone number for it, he says it is pre-programmed to only allow him to call certain work-related numbers.

WH travels for work every week, and calls me every night.

A few nights ago, we got cut off several times. There was some storm activity in the area. He called me right back every time to re-establish the conversation. The next day, he says he called a couple of times but couldn't get a connection. I saw that he called while I was in the shower so I called him on his own cell. We talked a few minutes and then suddenly we were cut off. I waited for him to call back, which is what he would usually do. The phone rang right away, I looked at call display, it was a number I didn't recognize, I answered it, and it was my husband! I immediately said "that's weird, your call came from a different number." He said something like that is weird, and picked up the original conversation.

Obviously, my mind immediately goes to "secret cell phone." Later, I googled the number and all I was able to find out was that it was a cell phone from a city near our area with a different service than we usually use.

I didn't say anything at the time, but I brought it up later and asked him if he has a secret cell phone. He said no, he maintains that he called me from his own cell phone. He says that towers must have crossed signals or whatever, says it has to be a technical issue of some sort, was adamant that he would prove to me when he got home that he made the call from his own cell phone, the call would be in his history.

Problem - the call is not in his history.

He was really upset about this. Checking the history on my computer, I can see that he spent a lot of time researching cell calls coming from a number other than the phone being used. He also called his cell company while I was there trying to see if this was possible. They had no record of him making the call.

He told me to call the number. I have. Multiple times. At different times of the day. The customer is never available. The phone is obviously turned off. I told him that if it was him, obviously he turned off the phone, ditched it, gave it someone, etc. I told him that the only way I could see to possibly trace this phone was to hire a PI. He gave me the go-ahead to do so. However, I think it would probably be a waste of money. Can't anyone buy a cell phone without it tracing to them? Seriously, I don't know. I'm not into cell phones. I hate them. I have one for emergency only, and rarely use it, it's old and I know little about them.

Does anyone know anything about cell technology? Could something have crossed towers or wires or whatever? My #1 conclusion is that my WH has (or had) a secret cell phone, period. But even I have to admit that it would be strange for him to be talking to me on the phone which I called, we get cut off and then he picked up a different phone and called me right back, knowing full well that we have call display. It would make sense that he'd just call me back on the phone he had in his hand already, especially since I believe he was driving at the time I called.

He was super upset about this. He is saying and doing the right things otherwise. He answers all of the questions that I ask even if the answer is not anything I want to hear. He immediately brought this situation up at our next MC session, he cried, he kept asking how can I prove I don't have something I don't have?

Me - 49 (BS)
Him - 51 (WH with "8 or 9" prostitutes)
Married 30 years, give or take a few weeks here and there
D-Day - May 4, 2013
Discovered an EA going on since 2010 around that time, too. NC in place now.

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, August 19th (Monday)

He is lying to you. The only signals that got crossed are the ones in his head reminding him which phone to use for you and which one to use for his whorefriend.

He has (or had) a secret cell phone. If you hire a PI it will do no good if he purchased a prepaid cell with cash. If I were you I'd start digging and investigating. His affair has gone underground.

Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, August 19th (Monday)

He's lying.

Im sorry.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7669 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 39700
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, August 19th (Monday)

My wife and I both have work and personal phones, we both travel constantly and also call each other from landlines in foreign cities. Never once have we experienced what you describe. It sounds bizarre. Any chance he was drinking that night? That could explain the wrong phone being used. But I'd be very suspicious. Sounds like a "burner".

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 10002
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, August 19th (Monday)

He's lying but I actually don't think he has a secret phone. He called from the blackberry!

Call the number while he has the blackberry in his hand (and it's turned on).

(edited to add): You are correct! He can pick up a pre-paid cell phone anywhere and there is VERY little (if any) info a PI could find on that. But, I still say it's his blackberry.

[This message edited by Tesa at 4:29 PM, August 19th (Monday)]

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Mar 2006
Member # 39502
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, August 19th (Monday)

I considered that it is the blackberry. However, because it's for work I don't think he'd dare turn it off.

Me - 49 (BS)
Him - 51 (WH with "8 or 9" prostitutes)
Married 30 years, give or take a few weeks here and there
D-Day - May 4, 2013
Discovered an EA going on since 2010 around that time, too. NC in place now.

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, August 19th (Monday)

He's lying. I'm not an expert but I'm pretty sure cell phones don't work like that.

BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 251 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
Member # 10002
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, August 19th (Monday)

It's probably not turned off, it's just on silent or he added your number to the "reject call list" (like after the 1st time you called the number) and it automatically goes to voicemail.

Do you know how to call from a blocked number? Try calling it from either another number or after blocking your number. Call it when he is in front of you with the phone.

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Mar 2006
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, August 19th (Monday)

I am not tech savy enough to know how to do it but I think you can get an app to add a second phone line to some smartphones. Perhaps that would explain why he got mixed up juggling the phone numbers on the same phone.

BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 489 | Registered: Nov 2012
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, August 19th (Monday)

Most likely, he has a secret phone and just forgot that he wasn't supposed to call you from it when he called you back.

BUT, in his small defense, for almost 2 years now, I receive phone calls for the University of Utah's Attorney General. Somehow back in November 2011, my cell number got crossed with someone's desk number. So if their customers call 801-587-XXXX,the number on their bill collection letter, they get transferred to my cell at 214-587-XXXX.

It's crazy! No one can figure it out. Verizon gave up. University of Utah refuses to change their bill collection number. So I get people leaving me messages about their outstanding bills all the time - and some even leave their credit card numbers to pay their bills! (I call those back and tell them not to be stupid and be glad I'm honest!)

My point is - crazy shit can happen!

Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, August 19th (Monday)

...I think you can get an app to add a second phone line to some smartphones

That's where I'd put my money and you'd be amazed how easy it is to do. Most apps are free and calls won't show up on the bill. There's apps for texting too. Sad really the lengths people will go to to cheat.

Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 556 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Member # 40161
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, August 19th (Monday)

TextPlus is one of the more common text/calling apps. It goes around the service provider and gives a second phone number and texting number. (OW recommended it to my DD so she could text her daughter and become the bestest of friends. Little did I know she was also using it to contact my WH)

Me: BW - 46
Him: WH - 49
MOW: my BFF from college and good friend for 25 yrs
Married 14 years, 2 Tweens
DD: 5/20/13 2 year long EA/PAs (one 7 yrs ago and one this past year)
Status: day by day, in MC, working on R

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: roses303
I think I can
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, August 19th (Monday)

I don't know him, but his reactions sound plausible for innocence. On the other hand, I've seen some stone-cold psychopaths on this board who could lie like this no problem. But your run-of-the-mill WS would default to anger and defensiveness instead.

I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8824 | Registered: Jan 2008
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, August 19th (Monday)

I'm going with the majority..he's lying. I think he brain farted for an instant and called you from the wrong phone. Losing calls happens, calls coming in with a diff #, I don't think so and the fact its not on the usage bill..nope doesn't make sense. I also agree with he's put u on the reject call list. Try it when he's holding it to see if it rings but most likely not. I'm sorry.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5125 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, August 19th (Monday)

DO NOT give him a head's up that you're going to do this. Have him hand you the Blackberry. Call your own phone from that Blackberry, that will give you the number of it. Then call the number you suspect might be another cell phone from your own phone while you're still holding the blackberry. AGAIN, NO WARNING. Just say, "Come here, honey, I want to do something."

Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3698 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, August 19th (Monday)

It would be weird to be so dense as to call from the wrong phone. I mean, you litterally have to put one phone down and pick another up in a matter of, what, 30 seconds? I'd also imagine that, if he had a secret phone, your number would NOT be in it. So erroneously using the secret phone would require him to dial a number, which I presume would be out of the norm (who dials anymore when you can save numbers in your contacts?)

But giving the phone a second number? Then I could see him easily (accidentally) toggling between apps or numbers and ringing you from the wrong one.

EIther way, it is fishy as hell, but I'd spend less time trying to find a physical second phone. I'd either focus on the Blackberry or his normal phone - but with apps.

Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 39502
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, August 19th (Monday)

We all know I'm suspicious, and I'm not trying to defend him, per se. Frankly, I hardly know what an app is since I'm so not into cell phones, and to the best of my knowledge, he doesn't have any either. He's not really that into cell phones either (of course I would have said he wasn't into prostitutes either - what did I know?) I'm not even sure either of his phones are app friendly. He's also one of those people who probably can't even tell you our home phone number because everything is programmed and on speed dial.

Like I said, I'm pretty sure he was driving when I called him and we were cut off and he called me back within seconds. That's why it seems unlikely that he would have dug out a different phone - first because he was driving/preoccupied and second because he called back immediately so you'd tend to think he called from the phone that was already in his hand.

Those are the things that make me think it's possible something crazy happened. Those 2 things seem logical to me. The rest of it, no.

I hate that I even have to think this way.

I will get ahold of the Blackberry this weekend, and try calling our number just to see what happens.

[This message edited by LonelySilhouette at 9:17 PM, August 19th (Monday)]

Me - 49 (BS)
Him - 51 (WH with "8 or 9" prostitutes)
Married 30 years, give or take a few weeks here and there
D-Day - May 4, 2013
Discovered an EA going on since 2010 around that time, too. NC in place now.

Posts: 88 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, August 19th (Monday)

my ws has a work phone and he isn't suppose to call people with it. He has in error called me with it and I said ummmm wrong phone!
I would vote for blackberry or burner. Sorry.

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, August 19th (Monday)

He is gaslighting you.

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 39847
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, August 19th (Monday)

It's either his work phone, or more likely, an app on his phone with a secret phone number.
If his personal phone is Android and he has an app like Skype or Google Voice installed, depending on how it's configured, it will ask him which # to dial from. In his haste to call you back, I suspect he chose the wrong #.

I'd suggest you grab his phone and have someone technical look at it... but it wouldn't really matter would it... because you already know the answer. A "tower glitch / wires crossed" can NOT explain all three pieces of evidence occuring at the same time. 1) A stange number on Caller ID. 2) No record of the call being made on your providers statement. 3) No record in the phone's call log.

Sorry, but he's using an app, or was stupid enough to call you back from another phone.

And the reason he is super upset about it is because he got caught on such a simple mistake.

Also, if the app is "signed out" it wont ring - equivalent of a phone being turned off. Does it go straight to voicemail, or does it play a recorded message like "The AT&T subscriber you are trying to reach is unavalible..."?

[This message edited by RavenWood at 10:47 PM, August 19th (Monday)]

BS: Me (30s)
WW: Her (30s)
10 year marriage with 2 small children.
Status: Divorced.
DDay: May 2013

Posts: 54 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: RavenWood
Member # 26576
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, August 19th (Monday)

He's lying.

Obviously you have some concern about his fidelity. Start to decide what YOU want out of life. If you have to let him go then let him go. Don't be like me and waste years that you can't get back/

[This message edited by Got2GO at 10:47 PM, August 19th (Monday)]

BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!

Posts: 111 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: got2go
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

Can you look at his phone bill for that day and time, for the phone he said he called you on, and see if he really did call?

WH - 35
2.5 year LTA

Posts: 160 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 3011
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

About two years ago, I got a call at home on my land line. Caller ID said "111111111" (not really sure how many ones, but you get the idea). I answered, thinking it might be a work colleague in Europe; sometimes when she called me a series of ones showed on the Caller ID.

Nope! Turned out to be my BFF, calling from her cell, same area code and city (and same carrier) as mine. Just some weird random thing. Never thought to ask her whether the call registered on her outgoing calls list.

That said...I think he's lying. He's ditched or disabled the secret phone.

I'm sorry


Posts: 360 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Virginia
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

No clue but a couple of months ago I called my DS phone and a girl answers. She said wrong number. I call him again a guy answers says wrong number and tells me his number. Then DS calls me and it comes up as a very odd number. Verizon was having an issue where we live. So I would say it may be possible but I doubt I would believe someone who had cheated. Good luck.

Posts: 507 | Registered: Aug 2009
Random thoughts
Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

Would he be willing to take a poly?

Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.

Posts: 1604 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)

It's Happened To Me Once, Different Number Showing, But The Circumstances Weren't After An Affair. The Carrier Waa Having Issues. My Good Friend Called From Her Cell To GivE Me Some info. The Thing With Affairs, All Trust Is Completely Lost For A Long TimE. He's Very Likely Lieing Though.

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2325 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 36763
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

I have experienced calling a number and someone from a different number answers. I say "did I call xxx-xxxx" they say "no this is yyy-yyyy" and once when my husband was away he called on his cell and the tower rerouted it or something because it came up a diff number, and he doesn't do that kinda stuff. I saw on his phone he called at such and such hour.

Don't know what your situation really was about but he might not be lying?

me WW/BW-31
him BH/WH- 31

2002/3 (him) EA

PA(me)-Nov 2007

Tog. 14 yrs, Marr. 13 and counting!


Posts: 138 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 36763
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

I can see that he spent a lot of time researching cell calls coming from a number other than the phone being used. He also called his cell company while I was there trying to see if this was possible

did he do this research before or after the incident?

me WW/BW-31
him BH/WH- 31

2002/3 (him) EA

PA(me)-Nov 2007

Tog. 14 yrs, Marr. 13 and counting!


Posts: 138 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

when you look at a phone how can you tell if there are any apps?

D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
New Member
Member # 37426
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)

calls to and from get re-routed quite often. Happened to me, my wife called my cell while I was at work. My cell was in my office trailer with no one in the office, my wife said a women answered my phone. She said she phoned it right back and it went to my voice mail. I checked my call log and it only showed one missed call. Yes I am the WS and she does not really believe it, but I have proof of where I was at the time the calls came in.

WH Me 41
BW 39
M 18 yrs.
LTA 1.5 yrs.
D-day Sept 21,2012. Worst day of my life... can not imagine how it must have been for my loving wife. I am so sorry.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Alberta,Canada
Topic Posts: 30