SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Off Topic
User Topic: I must be odd. Facebook issue.
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, August 19th (Monday)

I use FB. I enjoy keeping up with friends, family and neighbors that way. I don't even mind the occasional political BS. but here's what I don't get. I have friends who are on vacation right now. Yet, they post every few moments about where they are and what they are doing. Not just the obligatory family portrait in front of that famous street sign or restaurant, but frequent "check ins" too.And they aren't the only family to do this.
I mean, I'll do that once in awhile if I'm waiting for a concert to start, or something like that, but I just don't get the idea of adults with their nose in a smartphone while visiting a beautiful or exciting landmark.
I guess I'm old.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3646 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, August 19th (Monday)

Its not just you. I find it odd and very annoying.

I actually did a spoof post on FB about this very thing.
I basically did one VERY long post that updated my "status" every hour or so.
It included entries like:
11pm - Bathroom break before headed to bed.
1am - Jolted from a deep sleep by the searing smell of a dog fart.
6am - Woke up after a sleepless night of updating my FB status every hour, but I shall press on!
9am - Jarred from sleep to find the "Enter" key lodged in my forehead and my supervisor standing over me.

You get the idea....
My sane friends got a kick out of it. A few that like to post their daily bowel movements missed the point....


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6520 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
carnelian
Member
Member # 24824
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, August 19th (Monday)

When I went to visit my brother this summer, we went to a concert with his girlfriend and some of her friends. My brother sat in his seat Facebooking the whole time. (His girlfriend spent about half that on Twitter.) At one point, I asked my brother if he was having a good time. I mean, how could anyone tell? He said he was having a blast, but he hadn't looked up or said a single word the entire time we were there!
Mind boggling.

[This message edited by carnelian at 8:35 PM, August 19th (Monday)]


What are you going to do when he leaves you?

Posts: 564 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Europe
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, August 19th (Monday)

Couldn't agree with you more. The over sharing and being so focused on giving the impression that you are living a wonderful life, than actually being out there living it, boggles my mind. I expect it in teen girls to a certain extent I guess.. but not full grown adults. Who has the time for it?
I think it's a great tool for keeping up with people and posting some photos. But when you've got 500 friends and 7000 pictures?



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44936 | Registered: Sep 2006
FeelsSoRight
Member
Member # 28377
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, August 19th (Monday)

Not only the teeny-bopper-ness of it, but think about it...anyone who knows you - good or bad - knows your house is sitting there all empty and shit...I'm sure more than one house has been robbed by someone posting how they are away on vacation on FB...just sayin'...


Me - W - 48
Him - H - 47
Together since we were 14/15
Married 27 yrs in August (renewed our vows in 2011-H's idea!)
DD-23, DS-15
Separated for 7 mos & were 3 wks from divorce when we reconciled
Happily R for almost 4 years

Posts: 1450 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: MO
lynnm1947
Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)

I'm so sick of going out to dinner and seeing couples at the next table doing their own thing, noses in their BlackBerries. Really? What's the point of spending money to dine together if you don't talk and interact? My daughter says they are probably texting each other!!!!!!

[This message edited by lynnm1947 at 9:05 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7278 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Snapdragon
Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)

Gee, what a great way to advertise to everyone that you are away and that your house is empty and ripe for being robbed.

I post a few pics after I return. But during? Oh hell no!


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3085 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)

The fitness attention whores irritate me. One of my other friends posted something to the effect of, "Not widely known, but it IS possible to work out WITHOUT posting about it on Facebook!" Cracked me up.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6804 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)

The fitness attention whores irritate me.

Though I never would consider myself a whore in any way, shape or form, I'm guilty as charged here.

For me, it's more about personal accountability and achievement. Those that are supporting my lifestyle change process and subsequent progress get this.

AJ's MOM

[This message edited by ajsmom at 9:24 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21068 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)

I have a few friends also that post about every single thought that comes into their heads. All day long.....and I think now as a society we use facebook more to avoid deep and personal interactions and just go for the cheap and quick celebrity attention ho moments. Hey! We don't need to watch Jerry Springer anymore because we have access to it every moment of every day on our social media....

I like it for keeping up in the lives of family and friends, and I also use it some for my business connections and getting people together to hang out. I don't mind occasional posts about what is going on with someone or what they are thinking, and I actually love thought provoking posts when people are learning new lessons in life. But it is mind-boggling when you see people that spend their whole day ignoring real life people and living in virtual reality.

I also think it is used as escapism and I see it as an addictive habit for some....


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15288 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)

Though I never would consider myself a whore in any way, shape or form, I'm guilty as charged here.

For me, it's more about personal accountability and achievement. Those that are supporting my lifestyle change process and subsequent progress get this.


I have a lot of friends on FB who are trying to lose weight/be healthier. Their posts don't bug me. I'm thinking in particular of a girl I know from high school who posts about "gettin' it in!" at the gym all the time, pictures of herself in scanty clothing, status updates regarding the many men who've hit on her, the famous people she met at a big-shot party, her mega-important job . . . etc. etc. etc. That's the kind of person I'm talking about. Where the post about the workout is accompanied by a cleavage-revealing shot of the workout gear and a sexy pout.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6804 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)

But when you've got 500 friends and 7000 pictures?

Ouch. I've got around 500 friends, and well over 7000 photos on my page. I use it to keep in touch and share my adventures with friends and family in a few dozen states and half a dozen countries.

If you don't want to use facebook, that's no big deal, but really, criticizing people who do? That's where I


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13787 | Registered: Jul 2011
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)

For me it's not as much a criticism as it is an I don't get it. I mean, these friends of mine are in a GREAT VACATION PLACE. I'm loving their pictures. But I'm not getting the status updates while they are viewing the amazing and interesting sites. I know when I go on vacation, I'm just a too busy. Maybe they are just very talented smartphone users.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3646 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
stroppy_wanadoo
Member
Member # 11224
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)

Here's my FB rant of the day.

People who come out of the woodwork when something bad happens to someone and comment about it on Facebook... people who never cared much before... who make the bad situation their own... who have no thought or respect for true family and friends.

My rant is based on my BFF passing away yesterday after her battle with cancer. No sooner had word started (that's the operative word - started) to get out when people on the periphery started posting RIP messages all over Facebook. And some FAMILY - like nieces who were away at college and deserve to hear from their parents - had not been notified and found out that way.

Seriously, not a single of these postings was from a person in her inner circle. Think, people, dammit. What gives you the right?!

(and if I may sidetrack for a moment - "RIP" is ugly and gross and emotionless and almost cartoonish and should never be used. I hate it. I am so angry today. Sorry.)


Posts: 1036 | Registered: Jul 2006
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)

((((stroppy))))

So sorry to hear of the passing of your friend.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21068 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)

ScaredyKat, that's how I feel about people who spend 20-30 minutes getting one photo with a huge camera. I don't personally value spending that much time looking through a lens. But yep, I'll snap a pic of most cool things I see and pop it up on facebook while traveling. If we're moving quickly, it'll be an album at the end of the day instead of throughout, but I spend 10-15 seconds doing it while some people spend 30 minutes with a camera that cost more than my laptop. To each their own.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13787 | Registered: Jul 2011
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)

Only my 220ish friends can see my updates so there isn't a whole planet Earth that knows I'm on vacay. But my friends? Oh hell yeah they know I'm on vacay because I'M ON VACAY BITCHES!

Or, if I'm drinking with my gf's. Lordy there should be a breathalyzer on the FB upload.

edited to fix horrific wrong use of "there"

[This message edited by Rebreather at 11:27 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6545 | Registered: Jan 2011
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

Well Ama, perhaps I wasn't clear that there is someone in particular I know IRL who practically lives on it. Just as you don't understand someone who'll spend 30 minutes on photography, I don't understand this particular person who is so intent on presenting things a certain way to her legions of followers while her kids and other things are sadly unattended.
It wasn't directed at you personally. It is pointless to me so I don't really know how to present that any other way. Not something I spend a whole lot of time thinking about though.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44936 | Registered: Sep 2006
DragnHeart
Member
Member # 32122
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

Gee, what a great way to advertise to everyone that you are away and that your house is empty and ripe for being robbed.
I post a few pics after I return. But during? Oh hell no!

This is what I first thought.


Posts: 3040 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Canada
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

Lol. And I'm the one with the crazy big camera, and I still take thousands of picture... But I still post only a few, I'm not that cruel!


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3646 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
dameia
Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

I have a friend who posts constantly, always "so blessed" or something along those lines, referring to her kids, H, or running (she's into marathons). And she uses hashtags incessantly. I mean her post will often look like this...

"So blessed with #mythreeboys, #atthepool, #livinglife #tothemax

It drives me insane! But she is an otherwise lovely person, so I just view this as a personality quirk and scroll right on past.


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.


Posts: 1167 | Registered: Jul 2012
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

Yeah! What's with that hashtag thing? I'm old enough to remember that as the "number" sign, later "pound." What does that eve mean? I don't tweet but I thought it was supposed to be someone's twitter address.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3646 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

Hashtags confuse me. My niece tried to explain them to me once but I was just lost.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6804 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

You are not odd, I used to find it odd too...key word "used to".

Like anything else, FB can become addicting - I am now an addict myself. I don't post every few minutes, but sometimes I am TEMPTED.

For me, I like the feeling of being connected and connecting with people and its fun to show what I'm doing and see what other people are doing, even if its random stuff.

I'm guessing its that way for others too and I'm guessing that sometimes its the only connection some of us have at times. Like SI - another addiction.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Whalers11
Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

I check-in everywhere when on vacation. I usually will write in my journal about my vacation after I've returned, and I can go back and look at my check-ins to remind myself of all the fun things I did.

And as far as worrying about people knowing I am on vacation and my house is free to rob I have around 50 FB friends...all family and friends/people I actually know. So I am not worried that any of them are going to rob my home...I am not sharing that info with strangers. My FB privacy settings have me locked down pretty tightly.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2252 | Registered: Feb 2010
BeyondBreaking
Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

I am 26.

Normally I would NEVER vacation without my cell phone.

But last year, my H and I went to vegas and I forgot my phone. Completely forgot to pack it and left it plugged into the charger at home. By the time we got to the airport and I realized, it was too late.

I spent the entire flight freaking out about not having my phone. I had a legit excuse for freaking out- my parents were watching DD, and what if there was an emergency. But also...how was I going to take pictures? How was I going to text friends? How was I going to update my status for a week??? H brought his phone and assurred me that we could check in with DD via his phone and my parents could call him if there was an emergency. I had my camera, and he had his phone, so we could still get pictures. No biggie. I had to go on a vacation and live for a full week without FB.

It was amazing. I actually got to go to vegas and see it. After the first day, I wasn't worried about my phone at all.

I remember back in the day when we took family vacations, and there was no texting or facebook. My parents were mia with friends for their trip and caught up with people when we got home. We had the hotel phone, and grandma had the number. Vegas was the closest I have been to that since I was 14 and got a cell phone. It was kind of nice.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
circe
Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)

DH and I share a family FB page, and the only "friends" it has are our parents and siblings and three of my closest cousins. No friends or coworkers - it's essentially a family photo sharing app for us.

That said, one of my sisters is the type to post continuous hideously over-filtered pictures of herself, her dogs, her lunch and her feet. She posts FROM yoga class, taking the time to "artfully" blur the other people in her class! She posts pics of her food WHILE eating at date night with her husband! When asked about it, she always insisted that it "only takes a few seconds" and that she's so fast at it by now, it doesn't interfere at all with her enjoyment of her life. And from the outside it looks like she lives a very engaged and fun and busy and full life, so I believed her. Sort of.

Then she came to visit us for a 3 day weekend and she did nothing but stare into her phone the entire time. She lurked in hallways taking "artistic!" pictures of OUR dogs, us, the table set for dinner, the sunset through the trees in our yard with glasses of wine in the foreground (she poured two glasses of wine as props and then left them there on the back deck table!) It was insane, we barely spoke and she may as well have not been there at all. She connected to no one. Maybe she felt connected to her FB friends, I have no idea, but she spent the entire visit on FB. Looking at her entries, it appeared that she had a wonderful 3 day weekend with her family, did fun things and enjoyed good meals and drinks and views. She didn't. She wasn't present for any of those moments. It was so sad. I hope she has created good artificial memories of her staged photo visit, but it really made me sad for her.

So strike another mark in the "I don't understand" column. I do get snapping a few fun pics with your phone to remember moments, of course I do. But immediately filtering, editing, uploading, posting, captioning, arranging? It's like "life staging". I don't understand and I'm very, very glad my DH and children are physically and emotionally present at our best moments.


Posts: 3193 | Registered: Mar 2005
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)

It's like "life staging".

I don't get it either

I think FB is great for what I use it for. Talking to my cousin and family that live all over the country (not that I have a big family...lol!!) And I like to post pictures of Teddy and Kyle

One of our friends posts different 'selfie' pictures every single day. Always the exact same pose, the exact same sunglasses...just different back grounds. In her car, out shopping, eating, etc. I mean, seriously...just how many "likes" do you need

The biggest thing about FB that I just cannot wrap my head around...the personal garbage that people put out there. I don't want to know that you're fighting with your sister or 'unfriending' someone you only know over the internet. I don't know...I suppose people use it for different reasons


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198218 | Registered: May 2002
Weatherly
Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Ack, I didn't realize I was so annoying!

I post gym stuff, because, like AJsmom, I use it to keep me accountable, I have a lot of friends trying to lose weight.

I post pictures and check ins all the time. Mainly, because we travel, a lot. I like the little map thing that shows me all the places I've been. I like the map being more and more full of dots. And, I post a lot of pictures. Facebook lets me sort them better than I've found on the computer. And, I have all my "good" photos from Spring Vacation 2013 in one place to look at when I want to, without having to go through the 14 of DS's arm he took while trying to take a pic of a tree. Basically, I upload a ton of photos, for my own enjoyment. I use facebook like a travel journal. I figure, friends who care can see. And, friends that don't can unfriend/block/delete/click "don't show in news feed".

However, I don't post many pictures of food, or very many inspirational quotes. Or the recipes that have been flooding my newsfeed lately.

I'm enjoying my life and I'm "there". Just like every parent on every trip ever, I have a lot of pics. But, you see my albums by choice, I don't invite people over for dinner and get out the pictures. And, a huge majority of the time, I'm either passenger in a car (on vacation) or sitting in a hospital parking lot, waiting for my husband to get off work, so, I upload pictures, even if it does mean I miss watching the sights, like a Dr, sitting by the trashcan smoking a cigarette on his lunch break. Just because I'm posting pictures from the beach I went to at 10:30am doesn't mean I'm still there at 12:30.

eta:Oh, and as far as people knowing i'm out of town, my close friends and family already know. In fact, anyone who knows me, knows they are about as likely to find me out of town as they are to find me in it. The other people are from SI and if any of you use the opportunity to fly out to my house and steal a 5 yr old laptop rather than visit on a day i'm home and go out to dinner with me, than I will be very sad.

[This message edited by Weatherly at 10:22 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 29