I am not sure and need to pursue this further but I need to clarify my thoughts. Any insight from others would be very helpful.
Last night while talking with h about apologies and his inability to express his feelings, I asked some questions.
What do you feel when you see me trigger, cry?
I feel sad.
Because I don't want you to hurt anymore.
Do you feel sad because you know that you are the cause of my sadness?
I take responsibility for my part in this.
Yes, a big part of your pain is because of your past experiences. I don't take responsibility for that.
I am not asking you to take responsibility for that. My experiences in my past do affect the way I feel. It does not make what you did any less horrific to me though. The effect my past experience have on this is to only make what you have done more painful to me. Anyone else, without these experiences still suffers, still goes through all of these emotions and losses. The only difference with me is that maybe my reactions are a bit more extreme, I have more to recover from now.
You have given me something to think about. Then he went to bed.
I am wondering if I am interpreting this correctly. Does it sound as if he is putting the blame of my pain on foo?? Is that why he cannot express remorse? Is he minimizing the damage that he caused? Not accepting the responsibility?
This is not the only time he has brought up my childhood. I think he may be blameshifting?