SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: How much can a person take?
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

X's "shiny new girlfriend", who isn't really new since she is the first whore I caught him with years ago is back in the picture.

He's told my babies about her. Presented her as the love of his life. And now this dumb bitch has enrolled her kids in the school where I work and where my kids attend. Wtf? Really? I'm gonna have to see this stupid c**t every day now??

I can't do this. I can't.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

Ok. Deep breaths. I know it seems too big to fathom, but you will get through this. You don't have to see her everyday. Her kids, maybe, but not her. I'm sure you can be at a different door, or whatever when she's dropping them off.

I know it seems really unfair, and I know how much it hurts. I had a situation where someone brought up my STBXH (at the time) bringing his OW to an event I helped organize and run. I could not, in any way shape or form, think of doing anything other than jumping over a fence and strangling her. I didn't know how I would be professional. I understand the rage you are feeling.

Do I have the perfect answer for you? No. But start with some deep breaths, and go punch a pillow, run, bike ride...something to work some of the anger off.

Rant to us. Rant to me. We will help you get through this.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5521 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Sparkles
Member
Member # 39901
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

I am so sorry.

It's almost as if they sit around and plot out the most hurtful, callous and insensitive move to possibly make and then do it. This would make me see red too.

Hang in there. I wish there were some magic words to make them disappear.

Gather up your patience and dignity and try not to explode. (((LadyQ)))


Posts: 138 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: NW
hoya96
Member
Member # 28851
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

I am so sorry.

I understand. The OW (now my children's stepmother) is at my kids' school regularly, which is also my school (teacher). The *only* reason her kids are not also at the school is that it is $$$ and I get a tremendous amount of aid for my kids as a faculty member.

You would think her children go there, however, with how often she is on campus, volunteering, etc.

So I do understand. It is very, very hard (I'm not going to lie). But you WILL get through it. Remind yourself that you are a professional at all costs, and how pathetic she must be to be obsessed with you like this. It reeks of HER insecurity. Rise above it, and show what a better person you are.

I know it seems impossible, but you can do it.


Me: 40 and fabulous!
3 children ages 10, 12 and 14
Ex said he wanted separation 2/14/10
DDay #1: 5/23/10 18 month affair with his 22 yr old paralegal
DDay #2 9/22/10 my best friend, now his wife
Divorced: 12/10/10
Re-married a wonderful man.

Posts: 329 | Registered: Jun 2010
Iamhappytoday
Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

Isn't what they put you through just beyond all understanding? UGH!

You are doing great. There is some great advice here, and I wish you the best during this difficult time.

Sometimes, there's just no accounting for bad taste.


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

The answer is "a lot." It sure seems that way anyway.

I am sorry. This is a very difficult thing to "swallow." I am glad hoya chimed in because I think she can truly say she understands.

I think the OW's do this kind of thing on purpose. They must feed on the tension.

Best wishes and sympathy.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)

The Owife and her two kids now live in our town, her kids will be attending my kids' schools, and she will likely be at every function that XWH attends (even if it doesn't involve her kids because she's SUCH a wonderful stepmother). It's insanity, isn't it? My friends and family think that my XWH is completely out of his mind. You'd think that they'd have some presence of mind to live in another town so that the likelihood of our crossing paths was very minimal, but NO-- these asshats all have to prove to the world that their love with the AP is REAL and RIGHT, so they're going to rub it in everyone's faces, including us and our children.

It totally sucks. We should start a group dealing with Wifetresses Who Are So Pathetic That They Can't Start New Lives and Instead Step Into Our Old Ones. Just keep that in mind when you feel like you can't-- how PATHETIC is she to piss on your territory? Seriously? But it's because she and your X are needy, sad little people who don't have the creativity, imagination, gumption, or guts to get up off of their behinds and go make new lives for themselves. That would actually take effort and thought, and they would likely FAIL at it. It's so much easier to just repeat what's been done before, and since they have no dignity, they don't even consider how inappropriate their behavior is.

Someone on here said recently how she'd like to thank the OW because she got to move on with the best parts of her life while the OW "took out the garbage." I love that, and it's so true-- when I have to see XWH and the OWife at any function, I'm going to remember that. I'm happy-- she's stuck with my refuse.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Thanks all. As much as I'd like to punch her in her fugly face, I AM a better person, and will not stoop to her level.

I made it through meet the teacher night, and looked straight through her like she was furniture. This is my school, this is my territory, and I own that shit! So she can take her sorry triflin' ass on. She doesn't matter to me at all!

It doesn't matter how much of my life she tries to take over, she CANNOT compete with my awesomeness!

My middle child is aware of who she is and who she was before, and expressed concern that her dad and this cumdumpster might have a child together. I told her that is a likely possibility (this cumdumpster has four kids with four different men, and the only reason she has custody of them now is because their guardian is in prison). She's a real class act and my daughter is refusing to meet her or go to her dad's if she's there. She's 16 so she has the right to do that. I know that if she does, her dad will try to make her feel awful. I hope that she and I can weather this storm.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

I feel your pain. My xh's OW was a teacher where my children went to school. So I had to see her and pass by her every day when I went to pick up my kids. It was a nightmare.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
LifeIsBroken
Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

Hoya: I'm curious. So the OW also has children of her own yet she's volunteering & spending extra time at your / your children's private school ? Does she volunteer at her own kids' school at all? It would seem her bio children would become rather hurt if their mother spends more time at the steps' school than theirs. But, maybe their (I'm assuming) public school doesn't have the perceived prestige yours does ?


BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 504 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
hoya96
Member
Member # 28851
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, August 24th (Saturday)

Her children go to a different private school (Montessori - less than half the cost of mine) that her ex husband pays for. Yes, she is involved there as well.

She doesn't work, so I guess she has lot more time than me.


Me: 40 and fabulous!
3 children ages 10, 12 and 14
Ex said he wanted separation 2/14/10
DDay #1: 5/23/10 18 month affair with his 22 yr old paralegal
DDay #2 9/22/10 my best friend, now his wife
Divorced: 12/10/10
Re-married a wonderful man.

Posts: 329 | Registered: Jun 2010
gek9742000
Member
Member # 10403
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, August 24th (Saturday)

OMG! There is no way I could handle that. I would have a nervous breakdown. I live in a small town. All I can think of right now is finding a new job out of town so I can get the hell out of Dodge. I can't even handle the thought of running into them at gas station, grocery store, kids events. If I can move an hour away I will drastically limit my exposure to ex-asshat.


BS 38 (me)
WS 39
1 son age 11
1 daughter age 5

Posts: 87 | Registered: Apr 2006
Topic Posts: 12