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User Topic: what is the SI school of thought...
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)

on initiating weekend plans? Is it up to the guy, always? Is the woman too needy/pushy if she initiates the asking?

Where is that fine line, dammit!!!


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)

How long have the two people in question been dating?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)

loosely, a couple of weeks.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)

I'm clearly not a guy, and my dating skills are old and rusty, but I fail to see how you initiating plans does anything other than show interest.

Unless your plans involve eloping or something.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25060 | Registered: Aug 2011
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Go for it!

Posts: 3344 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Unless your plans involve eloping or something.

IMHO, if you are a planner and have something you want to do, and you invite a guy along, and that freaks him out, he's not the right guy for you.

ETA: That is to say, I think one should be themselves as much as they can, instead of doing what they think they are "supposed" to do, or what they think would make the best impression on the other person, while in the early stages of dating. I'd rather find a guy who accepts me for who I am than one who I can manage to impress enough by playing the game well enough to get him to stay, if that makes sense.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 3:25 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

The fine line is that neither person should have to do ALL the asking. Sometimes you will, sometimes he will. If only one person is, then that means either one person is actually uninterested or is incredibly passive, neither of which is attractive.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3059 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Ditto to what cayc just said.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

How often do you talk? How much have you gone out in the last few weeks?


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49468 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
ladies_first
Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

After "a couple of weeks", I woulndn't assume you had weekend plans unless it was mutually agreed upon.

Otherwise, what cayc said.

Personally, I think you're smart to raise the question mid-week so neither feels like "if nothing better pops up, I'll give you a call on Saturday afternoon."


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

I fail to see how you initiating plans does anything other than show interest.

Actually it can do more than show interest. It can also give the message:
- You don't have to make any effort, I will do all the planning.

All the same, that doesn't mean you sit like a passive lump waiting to be asked out. You can express your interest by saying, 'There's a free concert in the park on Saturday and I think the band is really good.' If he doesn't respond or ask you out then make your own fun plans.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5798 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Well, I asked him, and he has kid obligations. But he said that he liked that I asked.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Bombshell
Member
Member # 36058
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

I just had to chime in. I have been seeing a guy for about a month. Both of us looking for companionship. He's got kids still at home and he has to travel out of state...a lot. He made the first move and I have contacted him a couple of times about getting together as well. He let me know that he's had experiences where women have blown up his phone and got upset when he wasn't able to call them back. He didn't like it.
I have let him know I'm interested, but I don't feel like I put any pressure. As I see it, he's a grown man and he can speak for himself. I really let him set the pace initially, but as I said, I have initiated contact as well and invited him out a couple of times, so I feel like we are exploring how to communicate with each other. Its' a learning experience for us both. I'm learning to relax and just let it happen.

Posts: 94 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 13