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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Help! WH won't approve therapy for kids.
eyesrnowopen
Member
Member # 39055
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

I took my kids to see my IC early on in the separation but WH put a stop to it. He says he has to approve. We took a recommendation from our MC and it took him 2 weeks to make the time to see him. In the meantime, I was frustrated that he had not responded to emails so I made appointments for the kids and said unless you disagree, I will be taking them. At the lat minute he sends an email stating he is not approving because he is out of our network. Now I find one in network and he has had his contact info for 3 weeks and says he does not have time. He also says he spoke to them and they don't want to go. Of course they don't, who is the parent?

No therapist will see them without WH permission. They are teens and really need this. Has anyone had any experience with this type of situation in separation? Any advice?

We are close to D and have lawyer ready but wanted to see if I can get him to agree to kids therapy first.

[This message edited by eyesrnowopen at 12:23 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


This is the work within, having control over the outcome of our lives. Robert Bly refers to this as “Warrior work.” A warrior fights for a cause, something he believes in. As opposed to a soldier who merely fights for control – power or profit.

Posts: 83 | Registered: Apr 2013
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Denying basic healthcare to his own children is despicable. Talk to your lawyer about this. IMO if he won't allow his children to see a therapist then you need to be going for sole legal custody so that you can make these kinds of decisions without him. He clearly doesn't have their best interests at heart, and I shudder what to think he's afraid will come to light in a therapists office.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49446 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

IMO if he won't allow his children to see a therapist then you need to be going for sole legal custody

This!!

Even if you have joint legal custody, there should be language in the D as to who is the tie breaker if the 2 of you cannot agree. Ask your L about that.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17605 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

My story EXACTLY!!! WS didn't want anyone in therapy because he didn't want to hear that anyone was having issues with his choices.

I finally got in with a counselor at the domestic violence center because emotional abuse IS domestic violence. Additionally, the counselors there are not afraid of him, in fact he cannot go to the center and my sons are so much better because of the therapy.

Call your atty now. Tell him about your WS. Most likely he will call your WH atty and that atty will get onto your WS because your atty will look better in court if he has a client with 1/2 of a brain.

Do it now, please. Counseling helped my children so so so much to process everything. Sometimes we meet together, sometimes they talk privately.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1959 | Registered: Jan 2012
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

We have issues with my X's SO. It was fine for her to tell a counselor that he wasn't involved in the kids' lives and keep the records from him, but boy she was mad when he wanted to take the kids.

We went for 'family' counseling instead of putting the kids in IC. Now the IC did ask us to notify the XWW but b/c it was 'family' counseling not IC she would see us all. We did notify XWW by e-mail and copied the counselor. Sometimes the kids see her alone if they want to. We all see her as a group. The focus is on our family unit but the kids can say what they want to her.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8405 | Registered: Apr 2008
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

I also have my kids in family counseling. Sometimes we meet as a group, sometimes it's just the kids, sometimes they meet with the counselor individually.

I really think you need to have language in your D decree clarifying who gets the final say in these kind of decisions. If you don't, then what happens if, God forbid, something horrible happens to your child that's life threatening and you cannot agree on how to treat/withhold treatment? Get this figured out now.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9244 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
LadyQ
Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Listen to Nature_Girl, you definitely need language to ensure that if there's an impasse it can be broken without a court battle.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Also, it is my experience that the judge wants people to get counseling. In our state, he has to ask if counseling would help save this marriage.

Therefore, your atty, the judge, WH atty, you, all want what is best for the children.

He will look like a dumbass for refusing to back you up.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1959 | Registered: Jan 2012
eyesrnowopen
Member
Member # 39055
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Thank you all. I know I can eventually get judgement for therapy but I need it now for them. I may need to call a crises abuse center, not a bad idea.

We are at an in-pass with MC. He pulled his check and now wants to talk about finances. My L says take the meeting before filing to see what he proposes but do it in front of IC. My IC says if I can get him to stay in MC, even if we D, it could help us set some parenting rules.

I'm at my end. He scheduled it on a bad day for me at work so I am waiting for him to reschedule. In the meantime, he is still playing hardball with the finances. Giving it a few more weeks until he pays the next mortgage payment and my son's tuition. Hopefully, enough time for him to approve therapy.

[This message edited by eyesrnowopen at 6:42 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


This is the work within, having control over the outcome of our lives. Robert Bly refers to this as “Warrior work.” A warrior fights for a cause, something he believes in. As opposed to a soldier who merely fights for control – power or profit.

Posts: 83 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 9