New Beginnings
User Topic: I love you ... how often do you say it to your BF/GF/H/W/partner
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

TG and I say it. But not a lot. Sometimes not even every day and not every time we talk. Its not a casual thing for us.

I see a lot of people who say it all the time. At the end of every phone call. My X and I did a lot of that.

What the normal? Why? Good/Bad otherwise? What are your thoughts?

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

There is no right or wrong amount of times to say it. Whatever you are comfortable with. And different people have different tolerances for expressing their love verbally.

Before DDay, I guess it was often, probably a minimum of 5 exchanges a day in different situations. Quite often. I would love it in the morning when the alarm went off and after WH switched it off he would roll back over and kiss me behind my ear and say I love you... Never good morning.
Now since DDay I haven't said it once. WH has said it, I just can't.

Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson

Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

I am not in a new relationship YET... (but definitely keeping my sights on my new Spanish Doctor conquest.... ) BUT, when I was with my XWH, I said I love you all the time...but felt it kinda lost its meaning and luster and became more of an expected thing than meaningful thing.....

I noticed with Piper's sperm donor that I said it a lot less.... and I have already decided that it is not a phrase I will throw around in any future relationships.

When I say it next..... you can bet your life that I will mean each and every word... intrusively..

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

XWH and I said it daily for the first 10+ years... after that for the remaining 15 years of our relationship it was rare....

New husband and I say it several times a day: upon waking, before leaving for work, at the end of every call, a few times in between and always before we roll over to go to sleep....

DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 48)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 802 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

We exchange them several times a day. We both end phone conversations with family that way too. I don't think it is a big deal either way as long as you know it and feel it and don't mind hearing or saying it.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

SO and I say it multiple times a day. XWH and I said it very rarely. He was not a demonstrative type of person.

I love my SO and I love to say it and hear it.


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7744 | Registered: Aug 2005
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

SO and I say it just about every day, sometimes several times a day. It is not a casual expression. We mean it, each time we say it. We both make the effort to not take what we have together for granted, a lesson we both learned from our previous marriages.

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect

Posts: 12166 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Said it with my STBXH 4-5x/day for 25+ years. even when he turned out to be leading a dougle life

Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed

Posts: 1753 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

With my Wxh, maybe once a week.

Since then, not to anyone.

I have been dating the current man for 8 months. I don't know if I'll every be able to say it again. To anyone.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7769 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 747
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Every day, multiple times.

This will sound a little sappy but I don't care. We moved in together about 3 months ago so it's nicest saying it waking up in the morning and going to sleep at night.

At mile 20 I thought I was dead. At mile 22 I wished I was dead. At mile 24 I knew I was dead. At mile 26.2 I realized I had become too tough to kill

Posts: 131 | Registered: Dec 2002 | From: East Coast
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5859 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Several times a day, and he initiates about 80% of the time. Also, one thing he does which means a lot...>I get distracted or distance sometimes. Old traumas/wounds and I will go into my shell from time to time. If he feels me doing that, he will say I love you and if I don't answer back with full feeling, he will gently say it again and again until he brings me back. It is so important to me that he works this hard to keep a deep emotional connection and also to him.

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15291 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 9898
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

H and I both say it several times a day, we both tell our parents ILY ending a phone call as well. I also tell DS3 all the time as well. I feel like you never know what could happen, so I say it because if something ever did happen those could be the last words we hear each other say kwim? Kind of corny, but saying ILY several times a day doesn't have any less meaning(for us at least). Obviously actions speak volumes, there are alot of people who say it and don't mean it, frequency is kind of an individual(couple) thing.

[This message edited by Betrayal at 5:13 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

Me,38 BS
DS Born 9/6/10

Posts: 2220 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: IL
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

but saying ILY several times a day doesn't have any less meaning(for us at least)

Same here. I might feel differently if all the of ILYs were routine, but they aren't all said in passing.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Topic Posts: 14