User Topic: Turning it around on the left spouse
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

I have just come upon an issue with my soon to be ex H. I was told that he posted something on facebook that insinuated that I cheated on HIM. For the record, NEVER did I cheat on him or would have. I loved that man with every fiber of my being. Has this happened to anybody else? With all the pain he caused me, how in the world could he do something like that????

BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

While my X never posted anything in public like this, he did say at one point that he thought maybe I was cheating on him. I really let him have it on that one.

The only thing I know to tell you is this: I believe it is a combination of two things. First of all, projection. They figure if they are doing it, everyone else must be too. In fact, my X told me a number of times through our S and D that lots of people cheat, and that I would be surprised to know some of the people we knew who cheated. As if that makes it all ok.

The other part is guilt deflection. If the WS can believe that the BS cheated too, then the WS doesn't have to feel nearly so guilty about it, right? Sigh.

Posts: 2405 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Fucktwit accused me of this as well (nothing publicly), which he knew good and well was a false accusation. That is just another bullshit way for them to try to justify their own sick, disgusting actions, i.e., "you did it to me so I had every right to do what I did."

BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet

Posts: 1191 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

mof2, I have no idea why they do it.
Mine always says things to allude to me going to cheat whenever I go out.
He's just grasping at straws, trying to make you look like the cheater.

Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 627 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

The Princess spent our entire marriage doing a version of this. She never accused me of cheating, but always ("jokingly") "reminded" me that I wasn't allowed to cheat: "You know, while I'm away, you're not allowed to let X (neighbour) suck your cock."

It looks like she needed some reminders as well.

Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous

Posts: 2097 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Me too. Just recently our adult daughter was talking to a new acquaintance who happened to be the same line of business and as WH and knew both WH and his partner. Apparently WH's partner had told this man that I was the one who cheated. Fortunately my DD defended me with gusto and set the record straight in no uncertain terms, but I was livid.
A) either this is what WH told his partner
B) partner made this up

As luck would have it, I accidentally ran into the partner not long after and confronted him. He denied he ever said any such thing and was very offended that I would think he was capable of that. I dunno - someone's lying and I'm not sure I see a motive for the stranger to!

I think it came from WH - and I assume it's part of the whole rewrite history to make yourself look/feel better thing. Infuriating.

True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

I found out last summer that my XH denies ever being married to me and tries to pretend our 10 year relationship never happened.

I figure it's fair because I try to pretend he doesn't exist.

Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Wasband accused me for years. Actually, decades. Before dday, I assumed it was due to his low self-esteem. I'm now convinced that he assumed everyone had the same wayward thought processes he did, so of course I cheated - everyone does.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25745 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

XH walked around telling anybody who'd listen that I cheated on him. Followed by ... this is my friend, who's helping me get over being cheated on. Fortunately, that move just outed him as the cheating SOB that he really is.

He only accused me the last year. Which was odd, considering he was NEVER faithful.

Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

These people are truly crazy. I confronted him about it in an email and he said "no, I would never do that" (He also said he would never cheat on me). We then got into talking about our marriage ending and he said the last few months he lost just "fizzled" for him, but that he did love me unconditionally. Really, then why did you leave? An affair will definitely make your feelings for your spouse "fizzle". Nut job!

BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Same here. I was accused privately and he also told my in laws and select friends. I never did and was really hurt by that. There is nothing you can do about it really, but it hurts.

Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 11