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User Topic: This particular lie bugs the hell out of me
Spelljean
Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

WH at one point told OW that I had breast cancer, hoping that she would just break it off with him and let him go. He tried to use it and say he was moving back in with me to take care of me.

Turned out, she wrote him a very long 10 page letter (I read that one too) of all the ways he could see that I was taken care of without his compromising any time he spent with her, how much she demanded he man up and not use my having cancer to neglect her, at least 5 separate lists of the ways he could provide her the attention and meet her needs, the ways my daughter could "step it up" and do more to help me instead of him.....on and on...

This lie pisses me off because there actually are so many families dealing with cancer for real, its not a joke. His own mother went through it a few years ago. I think its disrespectful.

This one is pissing me off today.

Apparently when WH told OW she was being selfish, she went turbo psycho ballistic.

Its like there's me, going about my life, working and living a busy and happy life, and then in contrast there is this super bizarro world that he created and there is this other wife he makes up sensational stories about, uses to his advantage (BS holds me back, tries to change me, boo hoo) and OW jumps all over that info and then its "them against me"....only I don't even know any of it is going on!

Feel so ridiculous.

What will they do without me (or that "imaginary version of me") there to create conflict and excitement??

Since I emailed them BOTH last week and reminded WS (right in front of OW) that I NEVER held him back or made him the bad guy for going out with friends, that I supported him in all he did, that I was never sick and never needed to move back in with him, I think now they will have to see if their relationship can stand on its own.

Doubtful. As WS seems to get off on the secrets and always seemed super high, happy and full of life all the times he was seeing us both and lying to us both.

Its all been such a freakshow. I miss my boring daily routine!! I'm trying to get my life back in order, (minus WS) and get back to the mundane!

Had enough freaky to last a lifetime.



WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
JanetS
Member
Member # 2766
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

What a jerk. That lie would turn me homicidal...or at least close.

I'm having a callback on my last mammogram in early Sept. and I'm worried.

Another member here just posted that her grandmother may have breast cancer, and she's scared.

To speak such a lie is awful awful awful. And her response is so disgusting that I'm shocked that your H would want to stay with her. But, bird of a feather....!

Thank God it was a lie. Take care.

[This message edited by JanetS at 5:31 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2565 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canada
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

That's a sick lie. I hate waywards that do this. It's all very sociopathic.

"them against me"....only I don't even know any of it is going on!

OMG how I could relate to this. All of their conversations revolved around me and how I was this and that. I said to him once that it seemed both were having an A with me too.

Some days I wonder what would have happened had he left to be with MOW. God knows I've tried to get him to leave me for her on many occasions only to have him refuse. (Not sure MOW would like knowing that. She wouldn't believe me anyways. She believes that my WH is staying with me because he is afraid I will commit suicide


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

He looks at a woman who can hear someone has cancer, yet makes it all about her. He sees a woman worthy of a continued relationship?

They deserve each other.

It's just as screwed up as any lie I have read here. While I'm aghast at her response, I'm not shocked. The selfishness of APs knows no bounds.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11131 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Coward. Jackass. Jerk.

Why can people just be genuine and real.

I would rather be hurt with honesty and destroyed with lies and betrayal. It is all so senseless and selfish.

The Karma bus is a bitch. It has a way of screeching it's tires when one least expects it. Cancer isn't something I would lie about (but then we wouldn't lie to be in an affair either) as God has a way of remembering.

Better days ahead for you.

Prayers. Keep moving and smiling.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Apr 2013
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Yes, that would chap my ass as well. Big time.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9519 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Spelljean
Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Thank you all. Janet, I hope your callback goes well.

I had a callback that turned out to be nothing fortunately. The weekend leading up to it was horrible though. Another reason I'm hating this particular lie so much.

How can he not know how a lie like this is particularly offensive to women? (and many men)


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
HURTAGAIN1981
Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

This lie alone was disgusting enough, but after this:

I had a callback that turned out to be nothing fortunately. The weekend leading up to it was horrible though. Another reason I'm hating this particular lie so much.

Well, I just don't know what to say. How can he and indeed how DARE he lie about that after the scare you had? Just typing that made the hairs on the back of my head stand up.

I'm sorry, but this has really pissed me off. My mother was diagnosed with cancer in March. It isn't curable but they are treating it for now, and every day since then has been a living hell for me and it is something that is on my mind every waking minute. On top of it, I have to deal with the infidelity and subsequent break up. Doesn't seem like much in light of the situation with my mother but it still affects me. For someone to lie about it, especially a lying, cheating scumbag, tempt fate with something like this is despicable.

And why? Because he's too GUTLESS to tell her to stay the hell away from him, that he loves his wife and chooses HIS WIFE!

I am glad you are separated. You couldn't do any worse than him!


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

If this wasn't your life, spelljean, this would make for a funny sitcom episode.

I would so love to be a fly on the wall if this control freak of an OW and your conflict avoider WH get together. Every week, XWH gets a letter and/or list from OW outlining her expectations for the week, (right down to the number of orgasms she expects, 'cause I feel she is just that anal) and the look on your WH's face? Priceless! He is going to be miserable.

Spelljean, personally, I feel your WH is an extreme conflict avoider and major cake eater. The lie seemed the easiest way to try to get out of the "relationship" , I am sure he put no thought whatsoever into this lie. He, once again, didn't really give you a second thought. Not that this makes it hurts less, just that he just didn't think about it all, it was just an easy lie.

I am amazed that your WH wants anything to do with this OW when she has shown her true colors (extremely selfish, and psycho) already to him. I really do believe that sometimes the WS's actually lose some brain function. Like the part of the brain that controls logic.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9539 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Topic Posts: 9