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Reconciliation
User Topic: Today Sucks
VD2012
Member
Member # 36317
Concerned  Posted: 7:01 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

And yesterday sucked too, and the day before as well, and so on...

It's not even my wife's affair. My life's been one constant struggle and fight. Everything has been so unfair to me. And I'm okay with that, but fuck... I'm tired. Just so very tired.

I've tried explaining it to my wife but she doesn't quite get it. She does all she can to help which I appreciate.

I feel like quitting on everything and I'm kind of sick of that persistent voice I've had my whole life that always says "you can do this, do the right thing, nothing can break you." Yeah, probably not but I'm sick of fighting, struggling, overcoming, persevering and generally being a strong resilient person. It's too exhausting.

If not for my devotion and loyalty to my kids and wife... fuck I don't even know. I'm just tired. Tomorrow will probably suck too.


Me: 28 ~ Her (FR2012): 27
Together: 9 years, 2 children
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Surrender to the truth of life.


Posts: 466 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
HFSSC
Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

VD, that's where I was on Sunday. I get it. I'm so sorry you are in such a bad place.

However, I hope I can get a smile out of you with this. You HAVE to believe things can and will get better. Because who would have thought you and I would be supporting and cheering each other on after the start we had on SI? If we could go from that to this, there has to be hope.

(I know that's really weak, and if it misses the mark, I apologize in advance.)


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2787 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

VD,

I get it. I'm hoping it's a phase. Can I ask - take the A away, what would life be like at this very moment?


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4004 | Registered: Dec 2011
VD2012
Member
Member # 36317
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

HFSSC, no need to apologize in advance, it did make me smile. Thanks. I appreciate it.

Tred, honestly there's a lot of good positive things going on with my life right now. My wife's been wonderful, our kids are, well, kids. There's the every day stressors but things are relatively fine I suppose.

It's just me. I have no will anymore for anything. Best way I can illustrate it is to say my life has been like one long grueling boxing match. Blows from all side, barely any rests, pummeling brutality at every turn. Then my wife came along near the end of the 14th and nearly knocked my ass straight the fuck out. But no, I don't quit. I got the fuck up. I survive, I go on, I march forward. I'm up, I'm doing what I need to do, doing what the past has prepared me for. It's the 15th round now, and I just want to sit in my corner. Hell I don't even want to do that.

I'm done healing, and surviving, and getting through shit. It's all I've ever done, and now I have to do it with the one person I never should have had to. I can do it, I have been. With my wife even things are fine. It's... I'm just so tired. Tired of life just beating my down all the time.

I wouldn't be in this mental place without the affair, but it's not just the affair. It's my degenerate family, abusive parents, backstabbing friends... just really my whole life. It's been really tough. And I always get up and march forward, it's what I do. But I'm tired of doing that.


Me: 28 ~ Her (FR2012): 27
Together: 9 years, 2 children
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Surrender to the truth of life.


Posts: 466 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
Yakamishi
Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

I'm feeling us man. Just another mile in the never ending marathon.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

(((VD2012)))

This is how I have been feeling too. I thought maybe I was hitting the Plain of Lethal Flatness stage, but I don't know.


I wouldn't be in this mental place without the affair, but it's not just the affair. It's my degenerate family, abusive parents, backstabbing friends... just really my whole life. It's been really tough. And I always get up and march forward, it's what I do. But I'm tired of doing that.

Yep! My WH's treatment of me post DDay was so traumatic to me, it made every other bad event in my life pale. I have always marched on too. It's not easy being a survivor of abuse.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

VD,

See my username. I get it. Going through the same thing. As if all the changes that Hlessons and I are going through right now weren't enough, we recently learned that our youngest is involved with a very serious drug addiction. We are now in for the fight for his life, literally. It has always felt like it never stops for me, ever. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and I am tired. Mentally. Emotionally. I have to believe that all I am going through is for a greater purpose, so that at some point I will have greater empathy for others walking the same road.

I can tell you that Hlessons and I already have experience with the particular drug my son is involved with, we never dreamed when we were helping out my BF that we would use that experience to help our son ten years later. Sometimes you don't know why you go through certain things in life.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5077 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

(((VD2012)))

I am sorry you are struggling. I think what you are experiencing is normal. I was deep in it a few months ago. From like month 14-20.

I was just tired. Sick of fighting. Sick of trying. Nothing seemed worth it. I couldn't find enjoyment in anything, relationship, kids, work, hobbies. I was just there and I didn't want to be there.

Aside from R, there was some money stress and some work stress and extended family stress and some health problems going on. But the A and R always seems to get the blame for how I am feeling.

People here suggested it might be the Plain of Lethal Flattness. And it seems like it was just a phase. I took a break from it all for a bit. I stopped trying to fight, struggle, overcome, or persevere. I took a break. I didn't give up. I just stopped trying so hard.

When I was ready, I started putting one foot back in front of the other and move forward. Now at 22 months I feel committed and enthusiastic again.

Keep communicating how you are feeling and how you are doing and if you need to rest and regroup...do it!!!

[This message edited by Chicho at 7:59 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2635 | Registered: Aug 2012
bionicgal
Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

VD,

Sorry you are feeling so down. I think depression is part of the package we were handed, but if it gets too bad, then please think about getting some help.

My favorite anti-depressant is running or exercise, though. Do you exercise?


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2065 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 9