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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: he's throwing a hissy fit....
ThisHell
Member
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

So we have a separation agreement in place and notarized to take us into September when we can officially file for divorce...he wants to stay away from lawyer fees like many do in North Carolina and we intended to wrap this agreement into the divorce. BUT the moment I ask that he actually adhere to what's in the agreement rather than bend to what HE wants, he gets pissy! This evening I got an earful because I don't think its in the children's best interest for him to take them out of school Friday so he can go vacation in NJ for labor day weekend, driving home Monday night and expecting me to wake up whenever they get in and transfer kids to beds and expecting them to get up for school the next day. Now, my biggest issue is that this is only one week into the school year! My kids are forced to start new schools because he didn't pay the mortgage and I decided to move out in fear of losing our home, and we have a son going into kindergarten. This will be a big adjustment for all of them, but especially him to be just starting school altogether and already take a day off because it was "more convenient" for him to close shop over labor day that actually follow the agreement we have and a. Give me the four weeks notice, and b. Not interrupt their school schedule as noted in the agreement HE signed and notarized.....I'm dramatic, ridiculous, and a bitch...blah blah..and I "better get a good lawyer" because they are his kids too and I'm unreasonable.

I'm sorry douchebag, that you don't know how to read or follow agreements, but it clearly states all of this in there, as well as the fact that though we share joint legal custody, I have primary physical and final decision making if we do not agree.....sorry...should have planned a vacation over the summer when the kids were totally free any time, rather than the first damn week of school....

Am I crazy here? Overreacting?


Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 278 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
ArkLaMiss
Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

No, you're not over reacting. Tell him no dice and you will file a police report if he takes them!
Jeez, it's ALL about him, isn't it?


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1178 | Registered: Jun 2007
ThisHell
Member
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Yes it is....and its amazing that he still throws shit out about me moving...because he chose to take the kids to get ice cream instead of being home when I was driving by there and could have picked them up, and I then told him he'd have to bring them home as I was not going to "kill time" waiting on them, I was the bad guy for moving so far away....sigh. I moved 20 minutes away...BECAUSE HE STOPPED PAYING THE MORTGAGE AND OUR HOUSE WAS GOING TO BE FORECLOSED ON!!!!I have not been receiving child support or alimony for the last year because while I was going to school full time, he was supposed to be maintaining the household bills....yet he blew me off for months about the mortgage, stopped paying it or trying to work with the mortgage company and when I finally got a hearing notice to go to court, I gave up believing him about getting around to paying and we moved out. The same week, he managed to pay it and moved in to the house. But I sure as hell wasn't going to come home one day and have our belongings locked into a home that he let go, so I did what I had to and rented a house from a friend. Its not in the same school district, but is affordable for me, I moved in with no security deposit, and its nicer then our previous home. But I am constantly hearing that it was "my" choice to move and my fault the kids are switching schools, etc....not because he's an asshole and I was between a rock and a hard place, not his fault...


Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 278 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

"Let's do this without lawyers" is cheater-ese for "I wanna see how much more I can wreck your life".


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49468 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Get a lawyer ThisHell. I know you would like to avoid it, but right now, I'd get a lawyer and have them call him or send a letter stating you intend to file the divorce with the sep agreement as the base, that you expect him to start paying his CS and back CS, and that he must follow everything else in the MSA. Chances are once he knows you are serious, he will back down and sign, but if he doesn't,you have your backup ready. Also, if he doesn't start paying properly, you DO file contempt. He needs a lesson in manners.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5416 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

I'm thinking it's time to see a lawyer. He can't even follow an agreement that HE AGREED TO and on top of that, is shitting in his panties because you are not doing what he says. And you say you haven't received SS or CS. I can see why he wanted to stay away from lawyers fees ~ they may actually make him be accountable.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2145 | Registered: Oct 2012
ThisHell
Member
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)

Well, to be fair, he IS paying a good amount of child support and spousal at this point.. before I moved out I insisted that he read over the agreement that I had amended to change things from "he maintains the household bills" to a specific dollar amount from the child support calculator and an agreed upon spousal. So he paid that amount on time August first. He has no problem paying that, its the little things he never bothered to really look at in there and when he wants me to adjust my schedule or make allowances that benefit him, he doesn't like to be questioned or it means I'm automatically making things difficult. I can't afford a lawyer right now, and know damn well it will kill him to hand money over to lawyers when no judge is going to look at his actions and lack of following through with his previous promises of taking care of us and ensuring the house and bills are covered and be happy with him. And he sure as hell isn't going to want to have 50/50 like he initially wanted me to agree to now that he'd have to drive them to school and such. So the child support we have agreed on is being paid....but it irks me that I agreed to just have him maintain the bills in lieu of spousal and child support before because I had nothing to work with and save for deposits and such. So him pulling this crap with the mortgage and then saying, what? I told you I was not gonna let it get foreclosed on....well hell, for six months I heard that, yet continued to get notices from lawyers that it was farther and farther behind. You can only hear "by the end of the week" for so long before you just don't believe it any longer....just super convenient that the money to take care of I showed up just after I left. But whatever...now my kids and I don't have to be around OW and her kid, in the same schools and town and ball games and sports stuff....I don't have to hang out at the same places he does and run into him out with someone. Its a fresh start and I'm grateful for it.
He hates that I want to communicate via text and email, yet when we talk, half the time one of us forgets specifics and ends up texting about times or dates, or we end up arguing! Why would HE want to talk on the phone?? Especially about logistics? He has thrown out the lawyer crap every now and again when he is annoyed with me. I just say ok, I have one I like and will call him, he's happy to bill you for the time since you are the one unwilling to adhere to the agreement you signed any longer. That usually shuts him up


Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 278 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
StrongerOne
Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Get
A
Lawyer

Put it on a charge card. Or work out a payment plan. You are not getting what you and what the kids need. A lawyer will help you keep from getting screwed.

I believe you can do a lot of the info and document gathering yourself. Send the info and docs to the paralegal to keep on file, that sort of thing. Others more familiar with this can help you here. I just know that there are times when nothing works better than "get your sorry ass in line" on legal letterhead.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 854 | Registered: Sep 2012
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

If I'm reading this right, you're hesitant to poke the bear because there is a large amount of CS and SS being paid with the agreement between the two of you.

If I'm really reading this right, he's made one payment. ONE.

Methinks once he gets pissed enough, he'll stop paying at all just because, well, because he can.

Get a lawyer like yesterday.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21041 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Hmm, wonder if the threat of an AoA lawsuit would have him making some concessions.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11118 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
ThisHell
Member
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

thanks for your responses...in a sense, yes. I am hesitant to poke the bear to some degree, but its not because of money. I was just meaning that we do have an agreement in place now with actual figures and he has paid so far. I KNOW he does not want lawyers. So for him to throw that out there was in response to me not letting him take the kids whenever he wanted. he was quite literally being a child and throwing a tantrum. I reminded him of the agreement we have both signed and assured him I do have a lawyer I have consulted in the past that is happy to bill him for the charges considering HE is the one wanting to involve lawyers rather than follow the notarized agreement. Anytime I agree to get lawyers and he sees it doesn't faze me, he backs down real fast, lol.
my biggest reason for not poking the bear really, is that I have custody in there as I want it...me primary. he initially was wanting 50/50 and we went head to head on that. he sure as hell isn't going to step up with that and drive the kids to school every other week, etc...he didn't even know the name of their new elementary school and probably doesn't know their doctors either...so I feel like if I can bear with it a few more weeks (I can file 9/9) then this agreement can roll over into the divorce and I will have gotten the important things to me. I just finished school and have hurt my ankle, so I cannot take state cosmetology exam till October and am not working yet...so yes, after staying home with the kids for 12 years and not even being fully licensed yet, I don't particularly want to rock the boat with my spousal either. NC is one of those states that doesn't have set amounts and I need all the help I can get, so having him try to lessen that right now would kind of suck too. Honestly though...its mainly the custody stuff I am afraid he will go after if I push too much.

I woke up the next morning after that text exchange and telling him id get a lawyer if he wanted and he'd be billed, and he was all nice again...asking if he could just take them after school Friday and having them home Monday night...he's like a child that pushes to get his way, but when I don't give in, he backs down.


Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 278 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
Topic Posts: 11