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User Topic: Renting separate house
noglamour
Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

It has been a little over 3 weeks since dday. She doesn't want me living in our house and she has started putting my clothes into our 3rd bedroom/office.

I'm staying at our business on an air mattress and come over ever few days to our son, take a shower, etc.

We have talked about me renting a house in our neighborhood. She is fine with that.

She doesn't want me living in the house at all and she doesn't want to work on our marriage. She still checks my Facebook account though LOL

Will she change her mind in the future and want to R?

How should I be acting and what should I be doing or not be doing?


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
Threnody
Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

She doesn't want me living in the house at all and she doesn't want to work on our marriage. She still checks my Facebook account though LOL

and

How should I be acting and what should I be doing or not be doing?

You might start by considering the trauma she has been through and not LOLing at the hypervigilance the trauma has caused her to react with. Please look up "Post Infidelity Stress Disorder" and go from there.

Will she change her mind in the future and want to R?

What are you doing to make her feel safe with you? What steps are you taking to find out why you cheated?

Her changing her mind will depend, in large part, on whether you find empathy for her pain and resolve whatever issues caused you to cheat.

Read the thread in this forum "What every WS should know" and read all of the Healing Library (yellow box, left side). Then sit quietly for a while and consider what has been done and said in your relationship so far, up to and including the cheating and discovery of it.

She's having a very natural reaction. She may ultimately decide this is a deal breaker for her. But you can work hard to heal yourself and work hard to help her heal at the same time. You're most likely looking at the end of your relationship if you don't heal yourself first, though.


[This message edited by Threnody at 8:25 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
noglamour
Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Threnody,

Thank you. You are right, it is not funny. I encourage her to check.

Ok, I will look up "Post Infidelity Stress Disorder"

Seems like nothing I do is making her feel same. I changed my phone number, closed down the secret email accounts. I have had 2 sessions of IC. I have another scheduled for next week.

Can you help me find "What every WS should know"?

I will read the healing library too.

What else should I be doing to heal myself?


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

I just bumped "what every WS should know" to this page for you


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4760 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
noglamour
Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Thank you tired girl.
I see it now.


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 5