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User Topic: Figured something out
shatteredheart7
Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

My kids went back to school today. As soon as they were gone we "took advantage of some alone time". I started to trigger about halfway through, something I rarely ever do anymore. I tried pushing it into the back of my mind and that is when it hit me. Kisses trigger me! His mouth triggers me! The sex part bothers me, but no where near as much as the thought of him kissing her does. I keep remembering the movie Pretty Woman. The scene where she says No kissing, kissing is more personal, more intimate. Any animal can have sex, but only humans kiss. This is a huge problem for me because I can literally kiss my H for hours at a time, I have always loved kissing him. I have been known to suggest we have a night of just making out like teenagers, of course teenagers of the past not modern day teens. So, what do I do now? How do I get over this? I was able to push it back once I figured out what was triggering me. He worked all night so I haven't said anything about it to him yet. He also will be working tonight, so I am not going to have a chance to really talk to him about it until maybe tomorrow afternoon. Maybe I will just write it in my journal for him to read tomorrow...

Is anyone else more bothered by something like this than the actual act of sex? I am just talking about physical stuff here. The more emotional stuff.. talking all the time, lying to me, etc. that is on another level all together.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
plainpain
Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Absolutely. For me it is holding hands. I hate that he held her hand. Totally intimate.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 552 | Registered: Jul 2013
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Yeah, I get it. My wife first asked her AP when they started chatting if he was a kisser, because a good kiss can lead to an orgasm. She never told me that. Apparently kissing was something very important to her that she fantasized doing with others. It's a trigger for me too.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3266 | Registered: Dec 2011
daisychains
Member
Member # 37997
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Absolutely the hand holding - when I asked him if he did that and he said yes - I sank to my knees in physical pain. I just felt he had stripped me of everything.


LTA 3.5 years

Posts: 76 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: uk
Painfuljourney
Member
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Yes, kissing is worse. If you ever watch porn it's just sex, very little kissing. It's just sex. But kissing is passion and romance and intimacy. And it's almost worse than fucking. Fucking is animal and primal. Kissing is emotional.

My WH spent the night with OW, it was 1 night. But all I can think of is the intimacy of sleeping next to another woman all night. She was all over him, caressing him, touching him, kissing him. She was "in love". My WH says he was there for the sex and she was a piece of meat. That makes me feel better. But I'm not sure I believe it. I keep asking him questions about that over and over again to confirm it. He said he didn't like kissing her and the sex sucked. I keep asking questions over and over again to make sure he's telling me the truth and not something I just want to hear.


BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
Topic Posts: 5