SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: poll: did your xws have a post-sep or post-divorce superiority c
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Question  Posted: 8:35 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

Quick poll, in your situation did xws have a post break up superiority complex?

In my case, yes.
Bragging on social media, to mutual friends, etc. "Pitied" me because I didn't "have anyone", still tells everyone I want him back even when granted RO against HIM.
And infamous last words "No one will ever want you when they find out how you REALLY ARE" yes he said this to me. Hmm a lot of people think just the opposite right now including SO.

I am reading this is common among personality disordered people.

[This message edited by will get by at 8:37 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]


Posts: 4701 | Registered: Dec 2009
Sparkles
Member
Member # 39901
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

I haven't had much contact with my stbx, but it wouldn't surprise me...

But this:

And infamous last words "No one will ever want you when they find out how you REALLY ARE" yes he said this to me.

Who the eff does that??!! What a dingleberry! I would have to guess that he's projecting. I'm glad you have a new so who appreciates you!


Posts: 138 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: In a better place
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

And infamous last words "No one will ever want you when they find out how you REALLY ARE" yes he said this to me.

My XH told me I was impossible to love.

In my case, the OW dumped him a few days before I moved out. He tried to get her back but basically the A was all a game to her and once his marriage was over, so was the game. She moved onto her next victim. So he spent a lot of time being all mopey and trying to 'commiserate' with me about being lonely. Which pissed me the hell of because I was like, dude YOU DID THIS TO US.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49473 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

The Gnat says the exact opposite of that, but with the same purpose in mind. He says things to me like "don't worry, you'll meet someone else and be happier than you were with me". Which is a veiled way of him saying "I know you're jealous that I have my skanky homewrecker and your life is just so sad and pathetic now. I wish you would just hurry up, find someone else and be happy so that I don't have to feel guilty. Everything I did will be water under the bridge when you have a new boyfriend".

Yes, I would say he has a superiority complex.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 887 | Registered: Mar 2013
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)

That is the definition of "projection"! What an idiot.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2183 | Registered: Oct 2012
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

Yes! He became a very smug asshole who was constantly smirking and strutted like a peacock. This was coming from a guy who up until then was mostly sullen and self-deprecating.

Even though he pissed all over our relationship, he still physically stuck around until I kicked him out. He told me "YOU are the problem! YOU are the reason we can't be together!" He was sleeping with another woman but *I* was the real problem in that disordered brain of his.

Just days after kicking him out he was dumped although I didn't know it at the time. He really ramped up the crazy in response. "Things are like this because you", "You need help!", blah blah blah....
He suddenly got really, really sour and angry. He acted like he was the better partner who put up with a horrible wife all these years and in return I was acting like a bitch and treating *HIM* poorly.

In retrospect, I suspect it was because it *really* hurt him to be kicked out by his wife and dumped by his mistress within days. Rather than deal with what *HE* did he had to work extra hard to maintain the delusion that his misery wasn't due to his actions.

He was on top of the world, a smug POS who got to crush his wife and have someone new to stroke his ego and make him feel better about himself and suddenly he was a sad sack of shit again but now without a wife and kids by his side, out of his house and dumped by the woman he thought was his new start.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
clralb
Member
Member # 17185
Default  Posted: 2:00 AM, August 24th (Saturday)



did xws have a post break up superiority complex

He ALWAYS had one. Bleh.


BS Divorced.

They were right about you.


Posts: 681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: southeast
doggiemom12
Member
Member # 36041
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, August 24th (Saturday)

My late STBX sure did. A few days before I moved out he said he was worried that I would end up alone. I said "what do you think I will do, shrivel up and die?". I was ecstatic to be leaving him. Freedom at last!!

Less than a year later he shriveled up and died - literally. Hung himself in the garage. Guess those 4 OW didn't do it for him . . .


White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
Artemisia
Member
Member # 40564
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Just found this old thread and wanted to reply because it still makes me feel crazy.

For me the worst was on Facebook, of course. The very day he moved out he changed his profile pic to one of him with a big old grin and the comment,
"It's true, I am so happy!" What a jerk. I'm still not over what a jerk he is. What does he think our mutual friends and family thought?

I deleted my account right after that so I don't need to see that crap. But I'm still not over it.


Posts: 117 | Registered: Sep 2013
Exit Wounds
Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Yes!

Posts: 2485 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Yes, very much. To my face if I have to have contact he is reserved, but when I hear him in the distance, like speaking with DD in another room or on the phone or see him with other people, he is very different-jolly, boisterous, pompous. People complain about how pompous he is and to me is extremely controlling...or tries.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, October 4th (Friday)

No. Not at all. In fact, he has a huge inferiority complex. (I guess that's an oxymoron... )


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20142 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, October 5th (Saturday)

Well, WS is interesting.

He comes across as humble and self deprecating, HOWEVER he also believes that he is always right. He is quite happy to say sorry when he doesn't mean it because he KNOWS he is right and that's all that matters (he said this in MC)

His superiority complex at the moment consists of apologising that he has 'ruined' my life forever. But as my IC noted, he isn't sorry or he would have tried to R and also he keeps saying it so my IC says it's because he likes that he has the power to 'ruin' my life forever.

He walks around locally looking as if guilt is weighing on his shoulders (but not remorse!) unless he has the children, and then he is smiley disney dad. But when he's in the city with his friends he's party man. It's all show and 'poor me'.

The best one was a few weeks ago when within a couple of breaths he said sorry for ruining my life and then asked me not to close the door on him because it was important to him that I might be there for him in the future


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 972 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, October 5th (Saturday)

Yes, my ex is definitely in this group. Its like the higher the bullshit pile grows under him, the louder he crows from on top of it.

On my bad days I find this hurtful. On better days... it's just pathetic and sort of amusing.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 805 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, October 5th (Saturday)

No clue.

He did walk around acting depressed b/c I left him. Milked the sympathy card for every single inch of pity it got him.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 745 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Topic Posts: 15