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New Beginnings
User Topic: its done, i cried
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

X and I met at a UPS store with a notary to finalize the papers. We met at a restaurant across the street actually to review them one last time. We had a fun light hearted conversation and were laughing when we went into the UPS store.

A young guy... probably mid 20s was handling things for us. He asked for the name of one of the documents that was being notarized. I told him. its ".....divorce....". His jaw pretty much hit the counter. He couldn't shut up about it. He kept saying things about how we didn't seem like people getting a divorce. How chatty and comfortable we were. blah blah blah...genuine surprise."

I knew I'd cry. I had a long bit of driving to be done that I had scheduled for after the signing. I knew I'd need to process. My X has been in my life since first grade. He was the one who listened to me cry and bitch when my parents divorced in the 7th grade. He loved me through the awkward years of HS when everyone else thought I was a dork. He's been a constant in my life. Constant doesn't = good but he's been there. I knew I'd need to process. I knew I'd cry. I was prepared.

But that guy in the UPS store ruined. I teared up right there. Had to put one my sun glasses and look the other way. Damn it! I didn't want to cry in front of X.

He was off to celebrate OW's Bday. He says he's sad but I just don't think he really knows about sad

All of that said, I'm glad its done. There is a nice bit of peace with it.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 1:26 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

Wow hexed....that made me tear up.

((((((((((hexed)))))))))))

wishing you peace.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25554 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
c6284x
New Member
Member # 39545
Default  Posted: 1:54 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

I remember my trip to the UPS store. For some strange reason I was embarrassed that the papers we were having signed were divorce papers.

There is something about seeing your names on the papers with the words dissolution of marriage on it to be overwhelming. We signed less than 3 months after my dday, so it was still raw for me. She on the othere hand was getting this out of the way for Mr. Perfect.


Posts: 21 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Florida
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

((Hexed))

I know exactly what you mean.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7653 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

(((hexed)))


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3091 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

((hexed)) My heart really hurts for you.....but I know it will get better! Hang in there sweetie!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2722 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Weatherly
Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

(((((((((hugs)))))))))


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 8

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4487 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

((((hexed))))


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4144 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

((((hexed))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25369 | Registered: Aug 2011
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

Of course you did. Sheesh, you're human.

Onward and upward!


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17392 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
burnedcanuckEMS
Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

I understand where you are coming from. I have known my ex for over half of my life. We were friends in high school, went our own ways, then met ten years later and married. Its hard having your best friend betray you with infidelity. Through our divorce people were also shocked - we had two appointments we went to together - one was to sign the legal papers when the house sold, the other was his loan appt with the bank so he could buy out our fifth wheel from me. Both the lawyer and the loans officer were shocked we came to the appts together. It still makes me sad even though I am glad its over.


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 246 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
MissMoneypenny
New Member
Member # 34714
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

I feel for you ,Hexed ! I am not yet divorced, haven`t even filed yet due to financial reasons but I know once we both sit in the Divorce Court we will both cry !


" The only thing I have in common with OW is our birthday "

Posts: 44 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Europe
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

Thanks all. I'm just feeling a little out of sorts.

Good grief its been nearly 6 years now. At any point along the way he could've stopped all this and he knows exactly how. His actions have always spoken loud and clear. Because of that I was able to move on from the M.

I've never been able to fully let go of my own mental idealized concept of M. That's the part that's been disappointing.

The young man's comments were just like cold water b/c we were standing there laugh and chatting the same way we did when we were first together. All the hurt and anger that makes communicating in a bad M difficult have long since gone. Its much easier to see the good parts again. He's still an alcoholic. He's still got all sorts of traits that never want to deal with again but I can now see the parts of him that I liked.

The young man needed to be quiet about it. I didn't need a reminder of what was.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

It is a very sad moment, indeed.

In defense of the UPS guy, he probably just blurted out what he saw. I'm sure hearing the word "divorce" was probably the last thing he expected to hear, especially given how you two presented yourselves.

Oh, and when you take a trip down memory lane, remember ALL the other times you had to defend his sorry ass with his drinking and carousing and overall mistreatment of you and your DS. Detachment from an alcoholic is tough. I know. I'm in the same walk.

You'll get through this.

Guaranteed.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21051 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

Thanks AJ

I know all the bad stuff. In some ways its harder when the good stuff is made real again.

I think I would've been OK if the UPS guy hadn't kept on and on about it. One comment was fine but come on...once was enough. I didn't need half a dozen comments about it!

I had to step away for a minute to compose myself so I was making copies. X paid. He JOKINGLY asked for half the cost of the whole thing. ($15). I suggested he could pay his half of the filing fees ($250). Funny -- he didn't give me $235 damn it!


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

(((hexed)))


Posts: 3388 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
burnedcanuckEMS
Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

Mine is an alcoholic too, and addicted to pot, and god knows what else since around the affair I strongly suspected he got into hard drugs. Despite it all I am the one and only person in his life who ever truly saw his potential. Its sad he wouldn't ever go get help. Thinking of his good traits makes me so sad. Sad for his spirit and the fact that he is letting his addictions take over his life.


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 246 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
Grace and Flowers
Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

I've never been able to fully let go of my own mental idealized concept of M. That's the part that's been disappointing.

The young man's comments were just like cold water b/c we were standing there laugh and chatting the same way we did when we were first together. All the hurt and anger that makes communicating in a bad M difficult have long since gone. Its much easier to see the good parts again. He's still an alcoholic. He's still got all sorts of traits that never want to deal with again but I can now see the parts of him that I liked.


(((((hexed)))))

I feel the EXACT same way. I'm so sorry.

Eta: sorry, don't know how to do quotes

[This message edited by SadMad2012 at 11:26 AM, August 23rd (Friday)]


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1171 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
lostmommy
Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

(((hexed)))


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

(((hexed))) I'm so sorry for your loss.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15231 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

I'm slowly bouncing back. Its good. TG is out of the country so I've been dealing with this last round of emotions on my own. that is a good good thing. I'm able to take the time to process them.

Its been so long since I thought of us as a happy couple that it was a shock that someone else saw us that way. totally weird.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
click4it
Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

signing the official divorce papers is going to bring up a range of emotions old and new, no matter how much time has gone by. I too didn't sign the official papers until 4 years after he left. on the day of, he actually looked at me and was hesitant in signing. my lawyer called me into the other room and then he signed without me there and took off.

after that it took me a few weeks to process all of it and then when you receive the final decree in the mail its another set of emotions.

its good you are allowing yourself to process to go through this final step.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25554 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

(((hexed)))

Our mediation attorney told us that several times: "Are you SURE you want this? You guys don't seem like the type of couple that is getting a divorce."

One more for good measure: (((hexed)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3606 | Registered: Oct 2011
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

((((hexed))))

I'm glad this step is over.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4169 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Survivor3512
Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, August 25th (Sunday)

(((Hexed))) I hope you've had a good weekend and are feeling better.


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
traicionada
Member
Member # 10310
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, August 25th (Sunday)

Wishing peace & healing (((hexed)))


Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3300 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, August 25th (Sunday)

Thanks for the weekend wishes Survivor.

I'm doing fine. Thursday was tough. Turns out I made a big mistake at work on Thurs/Fri. Hope I can undo tomorrow so I don't get into too much trouble. Other than that I seem to be coming out the other side OK.

I'm avoiding X for 30 days just to give myself a break.

A long time ago someone told me that you need to not talk to an X for a whole month to really start to forget him. (mind you this was much younger and less serious relationships) but it really did help.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, August 25th (Sunday)

(((hexed))) I'm sorry hon.

As for idiot UPS boy, people are stupid, and especially if they have no personal experience with a situation, esp one like a divorce, they don't get it. We are all well experienced with that due to those who just don't understand what it truly means to be betrayed - because we do.

There is a kid from my church who was just starting his career in financial planning when DDay hit. He contacted me to talk to XWH and I just a few weeks after DDay. We knew his parents through church. I was a basket case, but I explained the situation and that I needed some time and would get back to him. He proceeded to follow up with me every few weeks. It felt invasive and upsetting, and even now, I still have no desire to talk to him - because of his lack of understanding of what I was going through - he branded himself in my mind as part of what I associate with post-DDay. Point is - sometimes people are stupid, and they have no idea how hurtful their actions might be.

((Hugs)) hexed - and I think some good old fashioned NC is a great idea.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4527 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 28