Just Found Out
User Topic: ok, my mind is blown......
Member # 39707
Default  Posted: 2:08 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

....duh, yet again.
Quote "Yes, if you would've left me during the the affair, I would still be with her."
This statement has been retracted and changed.
But it doesn't matter in my mind. It is all I can focus on right now.
Damn :(

[This message edited by thecosmogirl at 2:09 AM, August 23rd (Friday)]

Me: BS
Him: doesn't matter anymore...or does it...

Being very, very careful

D-day 14 June 2013

I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!

Posts: 168 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: trying to figure it out
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:16 AM, August 23rd (Friday)


I'm so so sorry. That hurts a lot.

Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17828 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

For real?? What a dick!! Well doesn't he sound all high and mighty and like he can have whoever he wants.

This is NOT unconditional love, and I would do some investigating to see if he's still in contact with her. How could he make that assumption if he wasn't still communicating with her? He doesn't think perhaps she has moved on to someone who ISN'T taken already??

If you ask me, FTG!! What a POS thing to say...

You don't deserve that kind of disrespect. He should be horrified by what he has done to you and begging for you back and calling her a huge mistake. To threaten you that if you leave him he already has someone waiting for him? F that..

Hugs to you girl.. That one had to hurt.. And I would question his commitment to you.


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2315 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

What an inconsiderate thing to say! Yes, sometimes you do fixate on a random statement that hurt you incredibly badly. It's like that one thing you can't let go of.
I know this may be harsh, but he says if you left him, he'd be with her. Did he not have the balls to leave you? He is making it your issue- which it isn't.
His comment is mindless.
Think about what it means to you. And hopefully OW is permanently out of the picture because that statement would be a red flag to me too.
Hugs to you.

Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson

Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

Yeah. That would pretty much be my exit cue at that point. I find the older I get, the less patience I have for this crap from these poor, misunderstood cheaters. Pffft.

Sending good thoughts to you Cosmogirl...

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1807 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Member # 38975
Angry  Posted: 8:50 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

Wow. Really? That is just terrible.

At the beginning I had the I love you but don't know that I am in love with you.

That haunted me as well. And of course now that has too been retracted but as you know you can't erase it.

I am sorry. Know that many times the WS is trying to justify and compartmentalize their stupid, selfish choices.

In the early days they are just projecting because of being discovered for the lying rat bastards they are.

What was your response?

Mine might have been, then go dumbass because if you are stupid enough to say that to me then I am not sure I want to be with you.

Hang in there. Celebrate you today. Go do something just for YOU.

Hugs and happy Friday.

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1190 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 39560
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, August 23rd (Friday)


what a horrible thing to say to anyone.

they are all clueless. they ALL say the dumbest things. seriously they do. And no they don't recognize the hurt it causes.

read this ongoing post if you haven't already. It proves just about anything will fall out of their mouths when they are trying to justify their actions

they spew forth that type of shit and afterwards they'll swear up and down they never said anything of the sort. They are delusional.

Hang in there and take care of yourself. You are so much more important than any vile comments being said by him.

Me: 45, him: 54
together 18 years
DDay1 March 2013, Dday2 April 27, 2013, Dday3 June 1, 2013
We are in R and trying to make it
Never lose yourself trying to hang onto someone who doesn't care about losing you.

Posts: 252 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Northeast
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

His statement sends the message: "I can't stand to be alone...I need lots of external validation. Had you left me, I would have clung the first female who gave me attention."

If she was so great, why doesn't he just D you and go to her?

His statement is about his messed-up-ness, not about you.

hugs for you (((((thecosmogirl)))))

Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Member # 39707
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

Thanks for the replys.
He does swear that's not what he said now.
It's stupid how he does this.
Or he does the ever so awesome word playing. My favorite (not!) is "we didn't have sex there or on that day" nope! Sure didn't. Because a blow job or him going down on her is not sex. Nice Bill Clinton approach.
He made sure to put in his disclosure letter that yes, he brought her home and they slept in our bed BUT...He did not have sex with her in our house!
Of course not. It was probably just oral or the sex took place out on the porch under the stars. Because his statement is still true that way (in his creepy cheating mind).

I'm in a bad place right now. So I'm going to just stop worrying about it for the rest of the day....ha, if that's possible. Wish me luck :)
Thanks again everyone!

Me: BS
Him: doesn't matter anymore...or does it...

Being very, very careful

D-day 14 June 2013

I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!

Posts: 168 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: trying to figure it out
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

Does he still feel that way?

I know if my wife had moved out as she planned and we'd eventually divorced, she'd have probably remained involved with the OM for quite awhile. Probably even would have tried to integrate him in 'legitimately' or something as well.

She never did move out and we are 3 years post dday in R doing well. I try to focus on where we are, though where we were still hurts. That stuff was done, and it can't be undone. Who knows what direction it may have gone, had things gone differently. For all I know he could have tried to drive up to visit and been crushed beneath a boulder sized lump of frozen shit accidentally jettisoned from an aerobus, and I could be making millions as Hollywood's next great stand up, surrounded by elfmaidens or something.

Now, if the context is "If you left me now I'd go back to her" that is a really fucked up place to be. What was thought and done can't be undone but what is being worked on at this moment is of paramount importance.

Sorry you had to hear that stuff, it hurts no matter how you look at it. Hope you feel better.

"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7477 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, August 24th (Saturday)

"I can't stand to be alone...I need lots of external validation. Had you left me, I would have clung the first female who gave me attention."

^^^^^^ THIS! ^^^^^^
Is exactly what goes through XWH's mind. Is that what the later retraction was all about?

BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, August 24th (Saturday)

His statement sends the message: "I can't stand to be alone...I need lots of external validation. Had you left me, I would have clung the first female who gave me attention."

My WS felt the same way at times and communicated that to me. I believe it was a fog thing, and a desperation thing.
He is very, very afraid to be alone-to not have someone.
And the AP can seem like their "only friend" at a time when they know they have ruined their lives and all other friendships. The AP "understands" because they have such LOW standards they will continue to provide support for a person who so obviously has no moral high ground or any idea what the hell they are doing.
It took me filing for divorce-and a week of NC by ME for him to finally realize how sick and twisted that was and how sick and twisted the A was, and how sick and twisted the AP was.

This is one of those things that some people just cannot get over.
I am still trying to decide if I can.
I have no real advice except to say that this is just a continuance of the dysfunction that allowed them to cheat in the first place. The "affair bubble" has not yet busted. They do not see it clearly at all. I had to tell my Ws to google "affair behavior" and he finally started to see that what he was doing/feeling was so typical and ordinary-and not special at all. That all people who cheat think the exact same thing. It's "lurve". GAG.
They are not out of the fog yet if they are still saying this and believing it. Sorry.

I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, August 24th (Saturday)

thecosmogirl, I'm sorry that your WH would say such a douche thing to you.

Why are WSs such inconsiderate sh*ts sometimes?

Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."

Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
Topic Posts: 13